today was great again.

chinese was boring, but at least it was like, zuo ye time. haha. so it was like, more of doing work than listening. which is good anyway, i got to listen to my mp3 haha.

lang arts was.. O.O hmm, my group screwed up, big time. ahwell. what to do? nvm at least im glad everything's OVER. whee. no more darn projects, no more screw ups yay. there's still IM left, well at least there'll be a PROPER script. haha. yeah. and mrs jay dragged LA for like, 1 hr?! ohmygosh la. had to rush and gulped down a burger etc. yep.

it was maths after that, and it was the trigo3 test. haha. it was easy la. seriously. i hope i get full marks :D
oh ian says: if i dont get full marks, i'll cut off my dick.
and i was like: ok i help you cut it off.
HAHAHA!

yeah, after that i stayed in class and did a bit of my zuo ye. talked to huangsui and all that too. haha. super cool. i like talking to prcs :D whee. yeah had civics after that. i was fine la. haha not so much of a sharing? but yeah it got me thinking quite a lot, about the whole marriage vows thing. haha when mrboy was talking about the marriage vows, my head was like, full of this one person. haha. yeah i wanna be committed.

being together with someone, is to fufill the other person's needs, not your own.
think about it, more often than not, most people get together, because they dont want to be lonely etc. so yeah. it left a lot for me to think about.

choir was fun today. haha. although the songs were quite tough, but i felt good today :D and yeah OH HOLY NIGHT's so freaking nice. yes yes lalala. mm, i like carols! (:

went for dinner after that, surprisingly, there was no comm meetings and whatnot. haha first time that we could go out so fast after choir. yeah, after dinner we were carolling. wheehee. super fun! omg we sang like 15 mins? and the most commonly sung song, was of course, oh holy night. haha. i love it. haha although there was no sop1, so it sounded kinda weird. but ohwell. haha. i love singing. i love carols. i love carolling. i love choir :D

yeah i really love carols. haha cos most of these songs are in my favourite range, ie. B-E ldat. haha. :D i like.

yeah reached home at 8plus. haha. not bad, quite early, considering that it was a choir day.

its teacher's day tmr. haha alicea and me decided to share some presents for some teachers. so now i've gotta write notes for them. ah shall have to squeeze out lots of my brain juices. and i gotta chiong out the bio report. this sucks, i've gotta do a 2500 word essay all by myself. guess i'll be sleeping at like, 1,2am today. sigh.

**

yeah im troubled now. i wish i had all the money in the world. i wish my family was rich. shit. this sucks. i cant help it that my dad's a taxi driver and that he has to support four children. i mean, you think i want that?! now my dad's giving me all this shit about wasting money going overseas. i have a bad premonition that he's prolly not gonna allow me to go malacca, on the basis that he has no money. fuck. its just $289. he's alr deprived me of a chance to go italy, now he has to deprive me of going malacca? fuck.

i have a bad feeling, that he might force me to quit choir anytime. i dont know what's fucking wrong with him. cant he tell, that my only passion in life is singing? cant he tell that choir is the only thing that is sustaining me now? cant he tell that without choir, my life is as good as meaningless? he feels that im wasting time in choir, but i feel that the time is wasted. in fact, i think the time is more well spent than studying. i hate this. he hasnt come home yet, there's gonna be another shouting match later. great, just the thing im looking forward to.

i really really really wanna go malacca. really. choir is the ONLY thing that makes me happy.

today was a great day. it ended off well again (:

had chinese in the morning. ah, the teacher made us change group. luckily, my back was facing the teacher, so slept through the whole thing. yeah, it was just some crap about how chinese novels came about and all that. had a quiz after that. haha, it got the whole class buzzing with life. first time i saw that during chinese lesson hahaha. overall it was rather fun. as in the end bit la. haha. i bet the teacher had fun too wahaha.

after that was PE. i had intended not to pon PE anymore. but then, cause jingjing's shin was rather painful. i ponned with her. haha. did some of my work, and watched ambalica and pooja dance haha :D it was rather nice. haha.

after that, it was maths! well. i'm rather disappointed about my results. sigh. im seriously worried. my maths results are gonna pull down EVERYTHING. sigh. im sad. and im really disappointed. my results suck. like really. ah well.

after that was chem. haha. it passed rather fast, cos ms chia was in v12, and so we got to do self revision in a sense. haha. ended up talking to huangsui quite abit about singing and songs and stuff like that. whee, i realised that the prcs are really nice to talk to (:

yeah, when chem finished, i was like, JUMPING FOR JOY. haha i got to miss IM today, cause of the performance for the artery thingy. yay. haha i was dismissed at 1320. hahaha. went to eat and all that, yeah so we sang. i thought it was alright la. but yue liang.. yeah genrong couldnt be heard? hmm. ahwell. hope he sings louder the next time.

after that i went studying with dawnie, oliver, wan ting and yuting. haha. it was interesting. and i was quite focused. haha. yuting let me listen to the mai hum mai hum podcast. haha super funny! (:

went to meet wayne after that. haha. decided to go and mug yay. went to bk, and mm, it was rather alright. we talked quite a lot. haha. yeah i finished the ionic equations wsh, ONLY. ): yeah. i discovered a lot of things. haha. which made my go, OMG. like OMGOMGOMG. haha.

decided to go yoshi to eat after that. haha that stupid wayne, he was like, 'if my friends see you, just say youre my sister k?' HAHAHA. that's retarded la. -.- yeah ate and crapped alot. haha. was kinda revising my bio, digestion. haha what with all the explaining technical terms and stuff to him. pyloric sphincter, erepsin, caseinogen, prorennin, etc. haha! and he tried to suan me back by talking about some balance balance thing. haha dint work! :D yeah and the straw's not organic alright. -.- its man-made, therefore its inorganic. haha. talked a lot after that, yeah and laughed alot. haha. stupid metrokia. hahaha.

went home after that. haha. it was really fun, got to know that stupid wayne a lot better too. haha. so many shocking things O.O

i've decided i dont wanna be close friends with wayne anymore.
not when he's THAT TYPE of guy. hahaha!

but hey i dont mind being best friends. hahaha :D

rather emo day today. haha. choir made it slightly better. ended on a high note (:

wrote down quite a few random stuff today in my small little notebook.
haha its been a long time since i wrote in it.

anyway, i pushed abit too hard today. we were like a semitone sharp for mein kleiner. haha. oh well. i sang until i had no voice.

was disappointed today. it just goes to show that, you really shouldnt expect anything.
i looked forward to it the whole day ok. ahwell.

**

that feeling's back.
youre the first person i think of when i wake up.
youre the last person i think of before sleeping.
its funny how things turn out like that.

i dont know what else will change.
im being a fool for you.

i should have expected this.
i was gullible,
i knew what would happen but i still stepped into it.

**

im hoping this would pass,
but ive had enough of passing feelings.

i want something that can last.

im willing to wait for you,
but you'll never know what can happen.

i want to wait,
but will i?

i always tend to flitter off somewhere else.

**

do you have to let it linger?

this is my dirty little secret,
and im never gonna tell.

behind this facade,
you'll never know what youre gonna get.

I HATE MSN.

i want this to last forever. it probably wont.

sometimes im really envious. of all those people who's found love.

i dont believe in love.

sometimes i wish i do. i wish i can find someone who can change my mind.

but something at the back of my mind tells me that i would never.

ah well what's the point of thinking about all these?

**

haha its weird hanging out with three emo guys. seriously.

sometimes i think they're more girly than me-.-

but i like hanging out with them. they're nice. haha.

maybe its cos they're girly, that's why they're nice. haha! (:

**

i wish.
i wish.
i wish.

what for? i dont know.

**

that feeling. its coming back.

everything's coming back.

**

what an incoherent post.

**

its funny how time flies. looking around me, i cant help but be amazed at how old we are already. i mean, look. im already a sec3, im a senior! the people around me all hold positions. and everything. i remember how i envied how the sec3s were so close to the sec4 when i was a sec1. haha look at me now, im close to so many seniors. haha. my cliques are all seniors. im so close to rayrin now. im so close to huping now. and im quite close to jerrold too. i mean, just look. its funny how things turn out. im now hanging out with the sc of dunman high, sc of tkss, pres of cat high. haha. its really funny how things turn out.

**

weird rantings today i know.

**

sometimes.
i really wish.

**

its times like this.
when that feeling comes back.

**

i miss you.
i dont know why.

hmm.

big chain of events today, but im glad at least the day ended well for me (:

had class in the morn, the time passed quite fast, and because of one stupid sms that i got from someone, it left me feeling quite distracted the whole day. yeah, kept me thinking about how to solve the problem. and i felt rather bad. i seriously dint think that they all felt that way. suddenly the old feeling's back again, dont really feel like..

ohk so back to the point, after that met rayrin at plaza sing. that dumb rayrin ah! haha i told him that we're meeting wayne at somerset at 7pm. i think he misinterpreted the msg and he thought we're meeting xianyong at 7pm at somerset. haha. ok maybe i didnt convey my msg across properly too, but whatever. haha. so yeah, decided to meet him at wisma later.

so yeah i bought the stuff i wanted to buy, and den we went to find xianyong. haha. oh rayrin and me switched bags! freaking cool right (: yeah so after that we kinda just slacked around, and looked at xianyong shop? yeah. after that met wayne at the somerset mrt station. haha retarded him, carrying so weird sign. haha. melissa came too, because rayrin im sure. hahaha. watched the concert.

the taipei male choir is good. no wait that's an understatement, they're friggin good. yeah. the tenors are like, crazy! haha can reach so high. yeah. and that guy solo who wore a blue shirt, yeah his voice is so nice. i can just MELT la. omg. haha. but the classical song segment was kinda boring, in a sense. as in, there wasnt any exciting songs. haha, but the what galaxy(?) singers were super entertaining! other than the fact that their pronounciation was a bit off. yeah. I LOVE THAT TENOR SOLO. omg. he just ROCKS. haha.

was looking forward to the guest choirs, AJ's binnama and consort's pokpok. both were disappointing in a sense. actually, both choirs weren't singing very well. as in, they didnt really sound very much together and everything. yeah, for binnama, there was something very wrong with the sops' tone. haha too under. and the tenors couldnt really be heard. for consort, i really was looking forward to pok pok, but it somehow disappointed me. the song lost its intensity halfway through the song, den it became quite boring. haha. yeah, heard that mr kwei wasnt in a good mood today, that's why both choirs didnt sing as well as they were supposed to? hmm im not too sure.

yeah went for supper with the triplets after that, it was fun (: haha. rayrin was like, super duper high hahaha. yeah, anyway, CHEER UP GOOD FRIEND (: you know who you are. haha. everything will turn out fine. im always here alright.

yeah, i love it when my day ends well, cause i go to sleep happily too yay! (:

okay CIAO EVERYONE.

ok im back to blog again.


sometimes i feel that friendship is just so sweet.

i love that feeling, when friends share internal jokes,
and you get this warm fuzzy feeling inside because you know that its just special to you and your friend/s.
i love that feeling, when my friend/s cares for me,
and i know it too.
i love that feeling, when i care for my friend/s,
and my friend/s knows it too.
i love that feeling, when we are just there for each other,
and always stay around for each other.
i love that feeling, that when you doubt your friend/s,
you know at the back of your heart that your friend/s still loves you.
i love that feeling, when i know that im always there for my friend/s,
and my friend/s will always be there for me too.
i love that feeling, of giving my 100% attention to my friend,
and when my friend/s gives it back too.
i love that feeling, when i look forward to seeing my friend,
and my friend/s looks forward to seeing me too.
i love that feeling, when i am nice to my friend,
and my friend/s knows it too.
i love that feeling, when i throw my tantrums,
and yet my friend/s are always not giving up.


this list can go on forever.


i really think friendship is such a sweet thing.
its even better than relationships.
friendship is the only thing that can last forever.

havent been blogging in quite some time.

ive decided i shall try not to blog about emo stuff. ahwell. its 39 days to ENDOFYEARS! O.O

i just feel so worried, and sad and yeah, just plain WORRIED.

i havent been doing well for my studies and i KNOW it. and yeah, ive decided to lower my expectations. just a >67percent is enough. i realised that ive slacked SO MUCH ever since coming to vj. its like, im so lazy to think. im always asking the seniors for help, and in the end they help me to do the question. ohmygosh, i really feel so terrible, im dumbing down! ):

sometimes, i really have to get it into my head, that choir is not my WHOLE life. much as i want it to be, i am still a student and i have to do well for my studies. sigh. i need help for maths, but somehow, i feel that my brain isnt working. sigh.

im getting stupider and stupider by the day.

maths was crap, ss was crap, chinese was crap. i bet bio was crap too. ): ah well.

i think im quite heartless sometimes. haha. im bad, badbadbad. and im hurtful too. ah. im trying to change, i hope. haha. im bad! ):

ok what a nonsensical post.

took this test on wan ting's blog. haha.


Your Type is ENFJ

Strength of the preferences % :
Extroverted 67
Intuitive 12
Feeling 25
Judging 11

You are:
distinctively expressed extrovert
slightly expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
slightly expressed judging personality


ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.

ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.
ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

TRADEMARK: "The first shall be last"

This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it. Others drop in with a 'quick question.' I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention!

that last sentence is quite true. haha.

Famous ENFJs:
David, King of Israel

U.S. Presidents:
Abraham Lincoln Ronald Reagan

William Cullen Bryant,
poet Abraham Maslow,
psychologist and proponent of self-actualization Ross Perot Sean Connery
Elizabeth Dole
Francois Mitterand
Dick Van Dyke
Andy Griffith
James Garner
William Aramony, former president of United Way
Gene Hackman (Superman, Antz)
Dennis Hopper (Speed)
Brenda Vaccaro
Craig T. Nelson (Coach)
Diane Sawyer (Good Morning America)
Randy Quaid (Bye Bye, Love; Independence Day)
Tommy Lee Jones (The Fugitive)
Kirstie Alley ("Cheers," Look Who's Talking movies)
Michael Jordan, NBA basketball player
Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Oprah Winfrey
Bob Saget America's Funniest Home Videos, Full House
Julia Louis-Dreyfus ("Seinfeld")
Ben Stiller (The Royal Tenenbaums)
Peyton Manning, Indianapolis Colts quarterback
Matthew McConaughey (The Wedding Planner)
Pete Sampras, Tennis Champion
Lauren Graham ("Gilmore Girls")
Ben Affleck (The Sum Of All Fears)
John Cusack (High Fidelity)

i have a BIG apology to make.

I am sorry, triplets. i am really really sorry.

you all really do mean a lot to me ok. sorry for what ive said. i know i hurt you all, but you all hurt me too. yes. sorry. im just really sorry.

sorry xianyong.

ive been such a bitch.

sorry i cant control what i feel.

sorry for everything.

i'll really try to forget everything alright.

we'll start everything all over again.

i know youre a nice person.

i really know that.

sorry.

i really am.

sorry if i hurt you ok.

im really really sorry.

sorry wayne.

sorry ive been such an ass.

sorry i said so many things to hurt you, to test your patience.

sorry i vented everything on you.

sorry for saying that i want to leave the clique.

sorry for saying that you all always make me feel guilty.

sorry for thinking you hate me.

sorry for trying to make you not believe in what you believed in what i said last night.

sorry.

sorry.

sorry.

thank you for believing in me.

thank you.

thank you for trying to persuade me.

it really meant a lot to me.

thank you, for being such a great friend.

sorry rayrin.

sorry.

im really sorry.

sorry i hurt you so much.

sorry for doubting your friendship.

sorry i made you feel so bad.

sorry for pushing all the blame to you.

sorry.

sorry for thinking that i dont mean anything to you.

sorry for making you sad.

sorry for saying that i wanna disassociate myself with you all.

sorry for saying that i will disappear.

sorry i said so much nonsense.

once again, sorry i hurt you.

you do mean a lot to me.

im sure you know that.

sorry.

you'll always be my dearest laylin-sao, you know that.

you've been a great friend.

one of the best.

thank you.

for everything.

i am really sorry.

FORGIVE ME.

thank you all so much.

for still trusting and believing in me.

after so much so much hurtful stuff that i have said.

you all are the best. i love you all alright. (:

**

ok i know i shouldnt be posting this here.

im a bit too explicit in spelling out all the names.

but you know what,

this time, im not gonna care.

its MY blog.

i know there are a lot more people reading my blog than it seems.

and you know what?

I HATE SILENT READERS.

walau cant yall just tag? ):

i just love to type. dont you all just love the feeling of type. that feeling is indescribable. but it really feels great you know! (:

haha. so that was just nonsense.

i feel terrible, there's this nagging worry at the back of my mind that tells me to GET DOWN TO WORK. and yet here i am now wasting my time ): this sucks! i havent done ANY work since ytd till now, and i really am starting to worry. and you know what, im REALLY worried about maths. really. ):

ohk, so i had choir today. choir prac's getting slacker nowadays, we had prac for only like, 2hrshalf? haha. but im sure prac's only gonna get tougher from now on, with the many events that will be coming. i hope my whole dec hol will be free from studying. pls just dont let me take any R-papers!

yeah, after much discussions, decided not to cycle as it was raining. yep went to pastamania and eat after which we went to rayrin's hse. somehow i had a moodswing today. dint exactly show any face to anyone, which is good. i just went outside to the swings and sat there alone for like 15mins? was just swinging and thinking. and guess what, i forgot everything that i thought about. the only thing i remember is that i came to some conclusions about myself. yes.

so basically walked around like a zombie after that. most of them were concerned, i guess. ohwell. at least there was someone that really cared. sometimes i really do expect too much of people.

what mr boy said was right: man are mostly selfish. the reason is because you can feel your own pain, but you cant feel other's pain. you can understand that someone is feeling pain, angry, hurt, sad. but you cant feel it for yourself. you can only feel what you are feeling now. that is why man is mostly selfish. you cant help it, its an instinct. you can sympatize you will never be THAT selfless. and so if you want to find out if you really love a person, think about whether you will be willing to die for a person.

i realised that mrboy is so insightful! im always quoting what he says. haha. yeah, so no matter how terrible i feel, i guess nobody can really understand? i cant feel what others feel too. so yeah, it all comes back to expectations.

im not really an emo person. but yeah. i dont know why i am so emo today. yuck i hope this doesnt continue, if not i'll become like wan ting. or worse, wayne! yuck. haha.

i shall be happy, and not let my imagination affect me.

today was a good day. choir was fun, class was relatively alright. even though i was tired, i didnt fall alseep. chinese CA was finally over and yeah. basically it leaves me to chiong lang arts and bio. =/ i have tmr afternoon to complete everything. oh yeah, and to do the bio project =/



**



i dont know why i did what i did just now. as in, ok sometimes i really dont know what i am thinking. i understand where you all are coming from, as in, i do understand that you all like me(i hope). but i feel that age, gender, schools, status all play a part in the making and building of a friendship. call me selfish, but somehow i dont seem to be as willing to sacrifice my time and my effort in building this friendship. i understand that you all do want me to go and everything, and i understand the fact that you all do care for me. but, sometimes, its just this 'extra' feeling that you get. yes, as mr boy was saying, feelings do go away, but it takes TIME for it to go away. and by that time, it will be too late to salvage the friendship. and you know what guys, i do have my pride too. dont think that just because i am a girl, i dont have a so called 'man's ego'. anyone who knows me should know that i am a prideful person. i dont like to be the person taking the initiative all the time. you can say that i think too much, and i have to agree that i do have an overactive imagination, but there is nothing you can do to stop me. i am a stubborn person, nobody can change my mind, unless i convince myself to change it. and that would take quite a few factors to provide the basis for change. call me immature, whatever. i am what i am like now, i cant help feeling what i am feeling. the guys just dont understand. im not saying that nobody loves me, in fact, i realised that people DO love me. and maybe you all do too, but its just that, i feel that i dont belong, and that's it. will yall stop forcing me?
everybody loves hearing good stuff about themselves.
i can be quite kou shi xin fei sometimes.
i am soft hearted too.
eventually i'll convince myself to change my mind.
please do remember that i do have my pride.
**



my goodness. i. am. feeling. so. stressed.

i think im gonna do badly for my exams. omg, HELP!

to tell yall the truth, i really do want to get >70percent for my overall grades. and i have a feeling that i wouldnt be able to. sigh.

going to sleep now, instead of doing work/studying. really tired.



**

today was a ..

so. i am feeling so stressed up now.

what i have to do:

study for bio test.
study for chinese test, which by the way, is tmr. X.X
do LA essay (which means reading up on ALL the articles first)
do IM research
do bio project report
do LA research report
do biochem project research
[ALL BY THIS WEEK]

study for maths trigo3 quiz
&on top of all that,
MUG FOR EOYS.

and there may be more, which i may have missed out.

OHMYGOD. vip is seriously. deranged. do they really expect us to be able to complete so many things, ON TOP OF MUGGING FOR EOYS?

omg. i am so tired now. my eyes are closing. YET, i know i have to stay awake.

this is shit.


**

today was a bad day. as i said, everyone's against me. i seriously wonder what i did. as far as i can tell, i dint do anything wrong. so what the hell's wrong with everyone?

**

i wish i could be able to rest. and to have time to sleep, to stop this hectic and stressful life.


i really need to stop procrastinating.

But I'm in so deep.
You know I'm such a fool for you.
You got me wrapped around your finger, ah.
Do you have to let it linger?
Do you have to, do you have to,
Do you have to let it linger?

what beautiful lyrics! that's the chorus of linger(: the melody is nice too.

**

its 10.40pm now. and i think im going to sleep! omygosh how cool right? the first time in ages that im gonna sleep before 11 weehee.

i havent studied today. not one bit. there's lang arts essay due on friday. there's chinese test on wednesday and bio test on friday. haha. whoopedoo. im just gonna do badly. whee. how fun.

nvm, even though im feeling stressed. im still gonna sleep. haha. OK CIAO PEOPLE. its 10.45pm now.

people sleep early too ok:D heeheehee.

Je bascule attendent pour vous voir de nouveau.

En allant la Mlle vous.

C'est le début de quelque chose de nouveau.

btw, picture of the day!


this picture is so vibrant and da jia ting-ish. (:

haha yay love it!

HELLO PPL. anyways, huping just gave me this link. and guess what, it was Royston Tan's 'Cut'. wow, how coincidental right! :D so yep here's the link.

http://gssq.blogspot.com/2006/08/happy-national-day-for-my-national-day.html

**

anyway, went out with the triplets today to study. i hadnt wanted to, but they psycho-ed me into it. so yep.

went out and guess what, the heel of my flats came off-.- how irritating! so reached the airport in a rather bad mood. haha. stupid shoe. now ive got no more towning slippers ):

after that we went to macs to study. haha. i studied chinese till i got bored, and in the end i kinda influenced them to play bridge. haha. so i was half studying and half playing bridge :D

after that kinda got chased away by the macs people. yeah, so we decided to go rr's hse. haha. continued playing bridge there. anyway, sasa likes me today! she kept licking me yay. haha. first time leh! she's finally starting to like me wahaha. hopefully she'll kiss me the next time she sees me weehee. :D yep. so continued our bridge games. haha. i'm one a lucky streak today. got lotsa good cards hahaha. yeah so after that i kinda forced them to study a little. played bridge again when i was about to leave. haha. SO IRRITATING LA THAT BUNCHS OF SISSIES. they dont keep to their promises-.- irritating!

yeap so i went home. haha. simple day today, but it was rather fun? (: yep.

**

school tmr. im freaking dead shit. two tests and two assignments to submit. IM DEAD.

i was happy yesterday. yesyes. sorted out a few things. its funny how just a sentence from someone can just brighten up your day and dissolve all your worries and insecurities :D yes. so it was a fun day. i was quite bored before the concert though. i guess. rather sianned. but after the concert i kinda made myself high, and it stayed:D had a nice time talking to the triplets and to the other random people who bothered to talk to me(: haha. yep. i went home being rather happy. hahaha. i like to be happy. sherry likes me to be happy too. and when im happy, i make other people happy too(: haha. so i shall try to be happy more often:D and stop throwing all those tantrums=/ lol.

rayrin sent me a msg, and it said something like, its gonna be quite some time before the next time we meet, so till we meet, ciao (:
when i saw i was like 0.0 why not meeting?! )))):

much as i dont want to admit this, i'll miss the triplets! they're really nice people. haha always tolerating my tantrums and everything. sorry for everything bad that i've done, LOVE YOU PEOPLE (:


**


ok so i know i should be doing my work and studying and what not now. but give me just around, half an hour to rant?

start time:1220

so, i realise that everything i blog about is just choir, choir and more choir. was blog hopping while eating lunch just now. and i felt a pang of envy. i really do envy those people who can blog about the happy days they had in class and everything. i envy those people who have a lot of friends at the ip level. i envy those people who spend lots of time with their class. i envy those people who have friends in every class.

sometimes i wonder why i just cant connect to all those ip people. guess i was just shutting myself out? although the january days are just long and distant memories now, i still do have vauge memories of what had happened then. all those happy times i spent with the TCSgang, talking to people from different classes, making new friends. i was happy then. i looked forward to going to school.

its a different story now. i feel indifference to my class. it's a slight improvement from the april-may period, when i hated stepping into the class. now, the class is just a place for me to study in. most of the time, i would rather not stay in class. of course, i dont run down to the choir room so often now and i go for breaks with my class people, its all improving. the tension in class is lessening, but i guess it will always be there? yes.

of course im not saying that im not happy in choir now. i got past that 'nobody cares about me' stage already. and most of the time, i AM happy in choir. however, i really hate school time. i love holidays and that is because i get to go out with my choir mates when its holidats. yes. sometimes school seems really meaningless to me. i cant ever seem to stay awake, and i hardly absorb anything. so what's the point of going to school? sigh.

im not trying to be sad or anything. its just that, sometimes these feelings keep surfacing, and no matter how hard i try to suppress them, it doesnt work.

i always want what i can never get. it would be perfect if i was happy in choir, and i was happy in class too. at the beginning of the year, i hated choir and loved the class. now, i love choir, and although i dont hate my class, i dont love it either. sigh. life is just full of ups and downs isnt it?

i vaguely remember that i had told myself last year, to love my class and not to ever let it become another 2B. im sorry to say this, but i've never ever loved 2B. i liked the people, but i had never loved the class. there's nothing i can do about my present class now, hopefully i'll grow to love it all over again. as for my jc class in future, 08s??, i really want to love it. because i dont want to spend my whole school life, from 13 onwards, hating class and loving choir.

i really want to love both sides of my life. just that, you can never have your cake and eat it, right?

okay this is the end of my ranting post.

end time: 1234


**


back to being HAPPY. (:

I LOVE CHOIR.

Confessions!
Check the boxes that apply to you, at the end of the quiz, write down something weird/funny about you.

[ ] I'm afraid of silence.
[ ] I Talk A LOT when I get really nervous.
[ ] I am really ticklish.
[x] I'm afraid of the dark.
[x] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
[x] I can't sleep in a room if the door is open
[ ] I can't sleep in a room if the door is closed
[x] I am afraid of gay or lesbian people.
[ ] I believe in true love.
[ ] I've run away from home
[ ] I listen to political music
[ ] I collect comic books
[ ] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[ ] I've stayed out all night.
[x] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[ ] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I love Disney movies.
[x] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for brown eyes.
[ ] I am a sucker for blue eyes
[x] I dont kill bugs(because i dont dare to -.-)
[ ] I curse.
[ ] I have an "x" in my screen name.
[x] I've slipped and fell in public.
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class.
[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I want a better job
[ ] Talked on a phone for 6+ hours.
[ ] I love Dr. Phil.
[ ] I like multiple people
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[x] I love to laugh.
[ ] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Lord of the Flies.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have a lot of scars.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I am not comfortable with being me.
[ ] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[ ] Gotten lost in the city.
[ ] Thought of suicide before.
[ ] Seen a shooting star.
[ ] Had a menage a trois.
[x] Gone out in public in my pajamas
[ ] Have kissed someone really strange
[ ] Hugged a stranger.
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of a diff. sex.
[ ] Been in a fist fight
[ ] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of my nose.
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator. (when i was really young)
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at Liberace.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a car...
[x] Been to Japan.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[ ] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[x] Had a crush on a teacher/coach. (slight one. haha.)
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker, and/or employee.
[ ] Been to New York
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[ ] Have a list of people you want to kill.
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[x] Been on a Plane.
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar or club
[x] Eaten sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[x] Continued to care for someone sooo much even though you know you can't have them
[ ] Taken a picture just for the sole purpose of putting it on myspace/friendster..
[ ] Been ice skating
[x] Cried in public.
[ ] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
[ ] Been at a party and instead of giving out your phone number you give them your myspace name and say look me up
[x] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
[ ] Thought of someone a lot lately.
[ ] Hate the world.
[x] Love someone who doesnt realize it(maybe not love, but like?)
[ ] Have your cell phone permanently attached to your hand/hip
[x] Cried over a guy/girl you didnt even go out with.
[x] Been treated like a princess, even when you know you dont deserve it.

things to do:

chinese zuo ye.
you jin wsh.
ss assignment.
lang arts essay.
study chinese.
study bio.

i die!

ok now i've gotta study.

sianned.

i think im quite lucky.

in a sense i guess.


i have great friends, fairly good academic results, a good cca and yep. the only thing lacking is a good family i guess. but it's just ONE small factor in my life.


i have;


the sistas! fei, wen, xuan, sher, da. haha.

the choir family. papa, mama, godpapa, godmama, stranger, the sistas :D

the sexy fam. sexy, sexier, sexiest, sex machine, sex bomb, sex siren.

angmian, vivian. :D

vjchoir mates. wanting, yuting, shuwei, dawnie, sindhu, huping, jerrold, oliver, yizha, elroy, david.

the triplets. rayrin, xianyong, wayne.

my class people. althea, alicea, yiling.

yeap, i have wonderful people in my life :D i shouldnt keep questioning myself right? about whether anyone loves me. they all love me! :D i hope. haha. yep so whenever i feel sad, or deserted or whatever, i'll read this post and be reminded that they DO love me. yes i should really cheer up(:

jiayou may! (:

im rather proud of myself today.

im finally taking my first step to becoming independant. and im really proud of that.


so this is what happens, i was looking (quite desperately) for someone, anyone for that matter, to accompany me to go and mug and have lunch before i go for my play, 'silence of the kittens'. yep, so apparently (as always), nobody was free or wanted to accompany me. and it left me pretty sad. so i decided in th end that i would stay at home and take lunch before going bugis myself.

so, my dad drove me to eunos mrt and i took the mrt to bugis. reached there at 2pm, a full one hour before the show starts. so, i bought taco pachi, and walked walked around. yep, just walked aimlessly around, and the best thing is that i felt totally comfortable walking by myself, and not caring about how others look at me. yep went to sweetalk and bought a lychee blend, and then i continued walking again :D haha. im really proud of myself! two weeks back, i probably would not have been able to do this, and it really took a lot of courage for me to take the first step to becoming independant in the sense that i can go out by myself, without having anyone to accompany me. yes yes. :D i still rmb what mr boy said in the last ct session, 'you need to be independant and to be able to take care of yourself first before taking care of others'. yep.

i just realised that i actually dont really need people to take care of me. yep. i always thought that i needed people to care for me and all that, but in actual fact, i dont. and sometimes, going out alone may very well be the best :D it really made me feel LOADS better. haha yep. i shall start doing that more often. even though i dint really spend a lot of time by myself today, just a mere one hour, i am still very satisfied already. yep.

IM HAPPY :D

**

the play was rather abstract. dint really catch the storyline. yep. just caught all the 'attacking' and 'mocking' parts of the play. haha. its rather interesting, and i was really shocked by the audacity of the play. yes, and the homosexual part really freaked me out. i tell you, its just unnatural! not condemning them or what, but its just plain weird la. im used to hearing about gays, but actually SEEING what they do, yah it kinda shocked me. haha. no offence to anyone, its just my personal opinion here :D

yep after the play, went to hans for awhile with yiling, guowei and althea. haha. sat down with them for around 20 mins before going off to payar lebar to meet rayrin and xianyong. yep. met them and we went to ljs to have dinner, or rather, i had my dinner while they sat there and watched me eat. haha. yep and guess what, i saw gimkoon there! haha. i dint recognise it was him, until he recognised me and said something like is that who i think she is. haha. yep:D im so happy! haha. and he came over to talk crap, which rayrin felt was rather funny and weird. haha. but i thought it was rather sweet, at least he came over right :D haha. yep, so laughed quite a lot with the two guys la. haha. what purple gold, and a lot of other crap. haha. yep. rayrin is SO BITCHY la i tell you. haha.

yep went home after that, haha at first xianyong wanted us to take 24, but i insisted on taking the mrt. in the end the two of them took the mrt with me, oops. im so mean! they always have to give in to me ): haha sorry! yep. oh yah, sang shan hu hai with rayrin :D haha. been so long since i sang shan hu hai with anyone. yep.

so overall, it was a day of ups and downs. but it ended on a happy note. so yep :D

disappointment after disappointment.


i need people, but people dont need me.


how pathetic.

im trying to get the negative thoughts to go away.

but its not working.


why? sometimes its really hard. like really really. sigh, i make life difficult for myself.


where are all the people who love me? wait maybe there is none. sigh.



i am trying to be happy.

i just LOVE the year1 batch.

yeah seriously, ok maybe we arent all so chummy with each other, and there are cliques, but still, we're starting to stand together as a year1 batch arent we?

i thought we sounded really good today. i mean, im not saying that we sounded fantastic or good enough to perform (for VJchoir performance standard), but, BUT, we sounded good for a year1 batch, and that being our second practice after learning those songs and the second official practice after the year2s left, yeah it was seriously not bad. i thought we would flop as a year1 batch seriously. but we did it! i mean, at least, we are showing our potential :D fine, these songs are rather simple of course, but then, its only the second practice, and i can already semi-memorise the scores. yeah, how cool is that? yeo came in today, and after we finished Melodies Singapore, he was nodding his head in approval, and that me feel really happy. i mean, we're finally getting the approval of a year2 (: yes the discipline of the choir is also getting better i guess, i mean, we still talk occasionally and all that, but the noise we make when debbie or genrong focuses on a particular section isnt destructive enough to make genrong or debbie scold us and all that. yeah. and the choir's attendance is not too bad(: yeah i THINK there's less people ponning already. yep! the year1 batch is finally pulling together! yay. of course, we shouldnt get too complacent, and should always strive for the best. we'll kick ass during syf next year! (: but yeah, its really heartwarming to know that we're improving :D

yay let's show the world what we're capable of :)

1. how old do you wish you were?
when i was young and easily brainwashed and didnt start questioning so many things.

2. where were you when 9/11 happened?
erm. i think i was at home. only heard about it the next day, and didnt think much of it, until i saw the extent of the damage on the news. =/

3. what do you do when vending machines steal you money?
i'll kick and bang the machine, den go find the uncle to get my drink! haha.

4. do you consider yourself kind?
not very. im SERIOUSLY mean when i want to be. oops.

5. if you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?
i dont know, arm?

6. if you could be fluent in any other language (other than english), what would it be?
french, wanted to take third lang, but decided not to in the end.

7. do you know your neighbours?
used to play with them when i was young, but not on very good terms now =/

8. what do you consider going on a vacation?
i dont know, having the time of your life maybe?

9. do you follow your horoscope?
nope, dont believe in it.

10. would you move for the person you love?
move would mean? haha. it depends on how much i love him/her.

11. are you touchy feely?
yes i am. i love touching people (: hugs are THE BEST.

12. do you believe that opposites attract?
yeah opposites DO attract. can you imagine facing someone who has the same flaws as you? ohman it'll be unbearable.

13. dream job?
niam. dont really know yet. but i envision myself sitting in my office in shenton way, and working as some career woman (:

14. favourite channels?
im not a tv addict. so, dont really have.

15. favourite place to go on weekends?
i dont know, i dont really go anywhere on weekends. haha. siglap maybe? hahaha.

16. showers or baths?
im kinda scared of baths? because of all those horror shows, haha.

17. do you paint your own nails?
yep, not very often though. lol.

18. do you trust ppl easily?
very. haha. i believe that a person's basic instinct is good.

19. what are your phobias?
ghosts. losing my friends. not succeeding in life. not having money.

20. do you want kids?
nope, as i said before, i hate those things.

21.do you have a handwritten journal?
used to have. haha. when i was in p5, all the way to beginning of sec1 maybe?

22. where would you rather be right now?
somewhr i am happy. haha i dont know la!

23. who makes you feel warm and fuzzy?
haha, my friends! esp when i feel that they care a lot for me. haha, the most recent people were my two 'bodyguards'.

24. heavy or light sleeper?
i dont know! haha.

25. are you paranoid?
yes i am! people always say i think too much.

26. are you impatient?
yes, very!

27. who can you relate to?
i dont really know. get different vibes from different people at different times.

28. how do feel abt inter-racial couples?
feels weird=/ but i dont mind angmohs and chinese la.

29. have you ever be burnt by love?
nah, i guess i havent learnt to love yet.

30. what's your life motto?
none really, more of SIAN!

31. what's your main ring tone on your mobile?
my humps.

32. what were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping, haha. one of those FEW early nights i have.

33. who was your last text message frm?
diane.

34. whose bed did you sleep in last night?
mine, if not whose? wan ting's? HAHAHA!

35. what colour shirt are you wearing?
pink tank.

36. name three things you have on you AT ALL TIMES.
specs, clothes, brain. haha.

37. what colour are your bed sheets?
multi coloured, its a garfield one.

38. how much cash do you have on you right now?
5 bucks nia. ):

39. what is your favourite part of the chicken?
haha. i dont know lehs!

40. what's your favourite town/city?
i love the country air in japan! but so far, havent been to a city/town that i really like.

41.i can't wait till
im able to buy ALL the things that i want.

42. who got you on friendster?
dont rmb haha. who remembers such crap?!

43. what did you have for dinner last night?
the intestine mee sua. haha. without all the intestines. haha!

44. how tall are you?
ok im 158. HAPPY?

45. have you ever smoked heroin?
nope. not gonna do that =/

46. do you own a gun?
nope, wouldnt want to anyway. so sadistic.

47. what do you prefer to drink in the morning?
ice milo.

48. what is your secret weapon to lure the opposite sex?
haha, my killer smile? LOL. ok actually nobody of the opposite sex likes me, so it all doesnt work (:

49. do you have A.D.D?
dont know what that is..

50. what time did you wake up this morning?
6.26am

51. current worry?
friends. that person. studies.

52. favourite place to be?
the countryside, whr its rather cold (:

53. where would you like to travel?
mm i wanna go to paris!

54. what do you think you'll be like in 10-yrs time?
you'll never know.. what if im already dead?

55. last thing you ate?
delifrance set meal. haha.

56. what songs do you sing in the shower?
any song i feel like singing lol.

57. last person that made you laugh?
yuxuan, rayrin and sherry. haha. theyre SUCH a bunch of kids.

58. worst injury you ever had?
dont remember.

59. does someone have a crush on you?
nope, nobody EVER likes me (:

60. how did you find this quiz?
LONG.

I SHALL BE STRONG AND NOT CRUMBLE UNDER ALL THIS STRESS.

CHOIR TREAT TODAY WAS GREAT!

omgosh it was just absolutely great! (: super duper fun. haha. i enjoyed all the photo whoring. yay. i love this clique of people. sometimes i do have my hesitations and all that, but when i really put them all down and just go all out, i really do have a lot of fun! haha. yay. choir really should have all these types of things more often! haha (: my clique rocks! its like, we're the first batch to have an inter-sectional clique since goodness knows when (:

choir prac was alright, genrong seemed a bit exasperated, but i thought we did rather well alr, since today was the first official year1 choir prac. yes, we're finally on our own=/ i wonder what the future will hold.

yep, talked to darren for a short while on the bus. we were talking about how time flies. and yes, time really flies! if you really think about it, almost half of the year1s' time in choir is over. they spend 1year and a half in choir, and its alrdy been 8mths- almost half of the time. yep. before they know it, it'll be their time to leave ): and i'll be left all alone! sigh. and by that time my peers will be coming in alr, taking the horrendous form of yearzeros. haha! yah i seriously dont know what to expect.. ): so anyway darren was telling me, to treasure every event that ive attended in vjchoir. and come to think of it, even though choir pracs are long and tiring, i cannot say that it was not worth it. and its because of this looong practices that bonds the choir isnt it? (: yep. and its really true about that the saying, that its takes ten years off the stage to perform on stage for 1 min. look at the amount of time spent preparing for all our events? in the end, its just a two-hour performance (SOV). if not its an event whr we're the guests and all that. yeah. but then we also realised that, all these preparations are what makes choir fun isnt it? and its all these preparations that make the performances worthwhile (: yep. i just LOVE choir la! :D

thinking about all these make me feel sad. but yeah, i really SHOULD enjoy my time with the rest of the people. i really like the year1 batch. haha. we're a nice batch seriously (: yep. we really should photowhore more often. lol all these memories will stay by me forever (as long as i the photos ) (:

yeap, i screwed up maths test today, just as i expected ): oh well. this is so crap. im feeling very tired now, and yet i cant sleep, cos i gotta do reseatch. shit man!

I AM SO SCREWED FOR MATHS.

there's choir treat tmr! whoots i ordered beef lagsagne. (: haha something i never ate before. haha ok call me suaku or whatever, but ive really never eaten it before, quite excited to eat it tmr (: haha.

chunlong's flying off tmr! my dearest junior! ): sigh and i dont get to see him off. im sad! ): i love my chunlong la! sigh.

dont know what to say, im dreading maths test tmr. and guess what? i havent really started -.- shit me-ans..