You tried, and you gave up.
But have you forgotten that I was trying too? That I was trying my best to step out and to embrace the world you live in. How easy to get lost in your own world and your own selfish gains - that applies to me too. As I am typing this, am I not being selfish? I know you live in guilt all day, that you hate this fear and yet here I am berating you. But, am I not trying too? Have you thought about how much it takes for me to even open myself up? To take that step forward, to envision the change in my life.
You live by your values, and I am trying my best to conform to them. All I am asking for is a little time. But no, you had to take it away.
最怕空氣突然安靜
最怕朋友突然的關心
最怕回憶 突然翻滾絞痛著 不平息
而回憶愈是甜就是愈傷人
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Introspection
Looking at the pictures from the Year Zero's (Year One's) outing reminded me of my very own Year Zero outings one year ago too. Haha I feel quite envious of them, cos that period was one of the best with this Year One (now Year Two) batch. It's all so different now, and when school starts for them, I'm sure it'll be different too. Of course, I love the bunch of people I'm close to now a whole lot and of course I enjoy all the various birthday outings and stuff that we've had :) Haha, really glad we came to be close over the past year. Still, those Year Zero days.. I miss!
And when I looked at the pictures that the Year Zeros took for caroling, I realised I didnt take with ANY of them. Haha feel so bad now cos I'm wondering if I've been a bad senior. And all those times when Bryan they all asked me out, I didn't bother to go too (okay not didn't bother, but I just wasn't free everytime). I don't even talk to any of them online! Haha, I used to think that I didn't want to get too close for the juniors cause it'll only be for 6 months, but now that I think of it, is it really possible for me to live in my Year Two world for the next 6 months? Probably not. So I should try to be more friendly and talk more to the juniors eh. They're all really nice people anyway, I like :) But it's just that, ah, I'm not good at getting close to people haha, (actually, who is?), but still, I have this.. phobia. HAHA. Also, the Year Zeros (Year Ones) will probably be scared of me since I'll be the fierce secretary who chases down everyone for being late. Ah. That's kind of sad hahaha. Maybe I should just confine myself to my Year Two world afterall.
Or I could try to be less fierce? But I think with my temper, and my jobscope, that's hard to achieve.
Still, I'm looking forward to school reopening cos I've missed my Year Ones (Year Twos) dearly! I've missed S34 too! And all those other people that I didn't get to see much for the whole of this holidays.
It's gonna be a shiong year but I bet it'd be fufilling too! Can't wait till choir starts cos there's so many things coming up, Year Ones coming in, New Sound, Choir camp, Ten Noms etc! :D
Muaha I'm finally a senior!
And when I looked at the pictures that the Year Zeros took for caroling, I realised I didnt take with ANY of them. Haha feel so bad now cos I'm wondering if I've been a bad senior. And all those times when Bryan they all asked me out, I didn't bother to go too (okay not didn't bother, but I just wasn't free everytime). I don't even talk to any of them online! Haha, I used to think that I didn't want to get too close for the juniors cause it'll only be for 6 months, but now that I think of it, is it really possible for me to live in my Year Two world for the next 6 months? Probably not. So I should try to be more friendly and talk more to the juniors eh. They're all really nice people anyway, I like :) But it's just that, ah, I'm not good at getting close to people haha, (actually, who is?), but still, I have this.. phobia. HAHA. Also, the Year Zeros (Year Ones) will probably be scared of me since I'll be the fierce secretary who chases down everyone for being late. Ah. That's kind of sad hahaha. Maybe I should just confine myself to my Year Two world afterall.
Or I could try to be less fierce? But I think with my temper, and my jobscope, that's hard to achieve.
Still, I'm looking forward to school reopening cos I've missed my Year Ones (Year Twos) dearly! I've missed S34 too! And all those other people that I didn't get to see much for the whole of this holidays.
It's gonna be a shiong year but I bet it'd be fufilling too! Can't wait till choir starts cos there's so many things coming up, Year Ones coming in, New Sound, Choir camp, Ten Noms etc! :D
Muaha I'm finally a senior!
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Two Oh Oh Nine
The first week of 2009 has been a blast! Went for so many outings and stuff, and I had great fun catching up with so many different people. :)
TUP! With ShuWei's bf haha.
06v11 Chalet from 5th to 6th January. It was great going for the chalet. Finally got to see my beloved v11 after such a long time :) All the familiar faces.. somehow, it's so comfortable being around them. It doesn't even feel awkward when nobody talks, it's just a comfortable silence :)
Some highlights were the family catching up and gossiping session in one of the rooms. It was great:) it's been so long since i've talked to the two of them. It felt really nice to just be there with them, love them so much hehe.
Dinner under the stars was fun :) Sat with Cephas, Kelvin, JT, Yi Liang and Pu En at the bench under the stars cos the rest were all busy watching Little Nyonya and Elroy and Esmond were tending the fire hehe. It was fun dinnering with them cos they were being ultra funny, esp with people like JT and Cephas haha.
The guitar sessions were fun too. Went into one of the rooms after dinner and saw Kelvin and JT playing the guitars (Esmond, Yi Liang and JT all brought guitars). I decided to join them and we had a guitar sing-along session hehe. I love times like these, where we just sit there and spam songs and I get to sing-along with them hehe :)
The few of us who stayed over (Althea, Alicea, Yi Ling, Elroy, Esmond, Ian, Guo Wei, Kelvin, Cephas, JT) went out for Macs after that cos a few of us were hungry. Wow the walk was pretty long, but the cool air made it worth it :) Spent a long time at Macs too cos I was gossiping with mostly Cephas and Althea about the DHS people and how they all are now.
Chatted with Kelvin while waiting for Alicea to finish bathing before we watched Get Smart. It was nice catching up :) Most people went to sleep, leaving only Kelvin Alicea Esmond Elroy and I to watch Get Smart. Haha that show is soooo stupid and lame but it was funny. The guys were pretty nice to set up make shift cushions/sofas with some innovative usage of their legs and the pillows so it was pretty comfortable for Alicea and I who were sitting in the middle of the bed since the bed wasn't big enough to allow all of us to lean back haha.
Every year, The Usual People gather and meet at someone's house to countdown for the New Year and to celebrate Wee Baba's birthday :) This year, we went to Wan Ting's house and had a BBQ :) It was pretty fun camwhoring with all of them haha, and it was nice meeting all the boyfriends and stuff HAHA. Everyone's all grown up now, with their own boyfriends and girlfriends etc haha, in a year's time, there will probably be more people joining us haha. Yay love the Usual People and I really hope our friendship will last long:) 20102010, 20:10! Can't wait for that date hahaha.
TUP! With ShuWei's bf haha.
On the first day of 2009 (the next day), the Usual People went for Wee Baba's birthday party (aka 19 Years of Cuteness!). The food was good haha and Yuting's mum was pretty funny hehe. Can totally picture Yuting like that next time when she's a mother herself :) Okay, so we had fun at the NUSS karaoke room singing our heads off and stuffing our faces with food (oops I think only Jerrold did that HEHE). Yep, went out to walk walk for a while after the party ended and then we went home.
It's been the 3rd year that I've started each new year with TUP :) Haha hope this will become a tradition for many more years to come :) Hehe, love these people!
Went for 2B outing at night for dinner the next day. That was the first 2B outing we had in 3 years! Haha. I hadn't wanted to go for it initially, but since Ang Mian Vivian Shun Jie and Winki were all going, I decided I should go too. I didn't go for dinner at Spageddies since it was simplyyyy tooo exxx! So, met them later and went to Taka basement to have some light finger food for dinner. Shun Jie was nice enough to treat me to most of my food though :) Yep everyone's looks the same actually haha, with minor changes here and there. I had great fun catching up with my dear friends haha and of course, fun suaning Wendy =P HAHA. After Taka, we went to Iskanda (?) Park to camwhore, haha and we took many many many pictures! Yay hope to meet them again one more time before the school term starts :) Love these people!
06v11 Chalet from 5th to 6th January. It was great going for the chalet. Finally got to see my beloved v11 after such a long time :) All the familiar faces.. somehow, it's so comfortable being around them. It doesn't even feel awkward when nobody talks, it's just a comfortable silence :)
Some highlights were the family catching up and gossiping session in one of the rooms. It was great:) it's been so long since i've talked to the two of them. It felt really nice to just be there with them, love them so much hehe.
Dinner under the stars was fun :) Sat with Cephas, Kelvin, JT, Yi Liang and Pu En at the bench under the stars cos the rest were all busy watching Little Nyonya and Elroy and Esmond were tending the fire hehe. It was fun dinnering with them cos they were being ultra funny, esp with people like JT and Cephas haha.
The guitar sessions were fun too. Went into one of the rooms after dinner and saw Kelvin and JT playing the guitars (Esmond, Yi Liang and JT all brought guitars). I decided to join them and we had a guitar sing-along session hehe. I love times like these, where we just sit there and spam songs and I get to sing-along with them hehe :)
The few of us who stayed over (Althea, Alicea, Yi Ling, Elroy, Esmond, Ian, Guo Wei, Kelvin, Cephas, JT) went out for Macs after that cos a few of us were hungry. Wow the walk was pretty long, but the cool air made it worth it :) Spent a long time at Macs too cos I was gossiping with mostly Cephas and Althea about the DHS people and how they all are now.
Chatted with Kelvin while waiting for Alicea to finish bathing before we watched Get Smart. It was nice catching up :) Most people went to sleep, leaving only Kelvin Alicea Esmond Elroy and I to watch Get Smart. Haha that show is soooo stupid and lame but it was funny. The guys were pretty nice to set up make shift cushions/sofas with some innovative usage of their legs and the pillows so it was pretty comfortable for Alicea and I who were sitting in the middle of the bed since the bed wasn't big enough to allow all of us to lean back haha.
Mahjonged and bridged while the sun was rising with Esmond, Elroy and Kelvin. We were all kind of blur without sleep, haha the guys were laughing at me and my bimbo moments without sleep. As Guowei puts it, 'Oh my, not sleeping exposes your bimboness May.' After breakfast, we decided to watch SAW III after persuading all of the others. Haha that show is so gory and disgusting, and everyone of us who were watching were basically covering our eyes and not watching it haha. But it was pretty cool looking at everyone's expression of horror hehe.
Well although it wasn't exactly all that exciting during the chalet, it felt good to just catch up with some of my favourite people :) Yes, and we had our fair share of laughter so yep I'm pretty happy with how the chalet turned out. Though not many people came, I still had fun, so I really want to thank everyone who bothered to turn up for the chalet. Let's hope that we'll still be able to keep in touch alright:)
After the chalet, I went home to sleep for maybe 5 hours and then set off again to Isabelle's house for the Steamboat-to-send-Wayne-off-to-the-Army. Yay it was nice seeing everyone again, almost full attendance this time, without Nono and Alena. It was a great steamboat! The food was fantastic, special mention esp to the prawn and the beef and the meatballs hahaha. Dinner itself was great with all the spastic people there being crazy and sharing the stupid jokes hahaha. Isabelle's parents were really really nice too:) Hope we didn't piss them off to much cos we were all late and we kinda screwed up the steamboat for them :(
Well although it wasn't exactly all that exciting during the chalet, it felt good to just catch up with some of my favourite people :) Yes, and we had our fair share of laughter so yep I'm pretty happy with how the chalet turned out. Though not many people came, I still had fun, so I really want to thank everyone who bothered to turn up for the chalet. Let's hope that we'll still be able to keep in touch alright:)
After the chalet, I went home to sleep for maybe 5 hours and then set off again to Isabelle's house for the Steamboat-to-send-Wayne-off-to-the-Army. Yay it was nice seeing everyone again, almost full attendance this time, without Nono and Alena. It was a great steamboat! The food was fantastic, special mention esp to the prawn and the beef and the meatballs hahaha. Dinner itself was great with all the spastic people there being crazy and sharing the stupid jokes hahaha. Isabelle's parents were really really nice too:) Hope we didn't piss them off to much cos we were all late and we kinda screwed up the steamboat for them :(
Yep, played polar bear after that. Haha it was spastic, esp the way some people tried to defend themselves. Haha, gosh I think I'm really gonna miss these people. Wonder when the next time I see them will be :(
Ah sad, no pics for the Chalet and Steamboat yet :(
So there, that's my first week of 2009. It was a great start to the year, and I really hope this year will be a good one. So many things to work towards, what with SYF, Austria, and A Levels. I'll be strong this year and do my best for everything.
Resolutions:
1. More self discipline (ie finish all tutorials even when I'm very very tired, keep my eyes more open even when I'm falling asleep for lectures etc.)
2. Be more open minded and less judgemental (Be it people wise, spiritually or when it comes to work)
3. Practice maths everyday since it is my weakest subject (at least 3 questions everyday)
4. Lead the choir well (be more firm and less fierce esp)
5. Improve my singing and don't give up on myself no matter how demoralised i get
6. Work hard and push the choir even when the going gets tough, we can do it!
7. Show more care and concern for my friends and family, to always be there to help when I can
8. Treat you well :)
On another note, sometimes choosing the right way to go isn't exactly that easy when your heart is telling you to go the other way. Still, it's mind over matter for me. Let's hope that this is just a passing phase and that everything will go back to normal :)
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