today. was kinda screwed up. sigh. i dont know.

somehow this group of friends is evolving into telling lies.

i think its important for a talk right now.

but i dont like confrontations,

i dont like to talk to people like that, straight to their faces.

what happened to us?

there's so much suspicion and hurt hanging in the air.

why cant the lying stop?

all this has got to stop.

hmm.
i just dont know what to think.
i dont like to get hurt.
i believed what you said, kinda.
but after seeing your blog, everything just sorta disappears.
you see, that's why im so cynical of everything.
that's why i dont believe.
i dont like to believe, and get my hopes high,
and then everything sort of crashes down again.

sigh. call it whatever you want.
i dont wanna think about it.
people just know how to say what they dont mean.

do you know that im talking about you?
or maybe someone else is misunderstanding.
ha.
i dont know and i dont wanna know.
why do i even care?

i dont want to question.
i dont want to guess.
i dont want to worry.
i dont want to think.

im wondering how long we can last,
before everything just backfires on us.
you know what im thinking.
im making it so obvious.
but i never know what youre thinking.
no wait maybe i do know,
i just dont wanna believe.
that youre not thinking about me.
hm.
this sucks you know.
everything just sucks.

im trying to be happy.
im trying to find that feeling i had last week.
why is it that things can just change so suddenly?
from being secure and self assured,
to being insecure and pessimistic.

ergh.
people, dont bother asking me.
i wont tell.

Excerpt from

On My Own- Lea Salonga (Eponine from Le Miserables)

And I know
It's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him.
And although I know that he is blind,
Still I say,
There's a way for us.

I love him,
But when the night is over,
He is gone,
The river's just a river.
Without him,
The world around me changes.
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers.

I love him,
But every day I'm learning,
All my life,
I've only been pretending!
Without me,
His world will go on turning,
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known!

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own.