pretending he's beside me.

**

hm.
ive been mugging.
hard.
haha im proud of myself (:

sometimes, i really am that bit envious.
of you.
i mean, yeah i should consider what i have now.
and surely my position is much better.
i mean,
i can still talk and everything.
you cant even do that.
i can still go out and joke and laugh.
you cant even do that.
i gotta treasure what i have today.
yes instead of looking at what you have.
and being envious.
you have the heart, i have the body.
hm.
at least i have the presence.
you can only think. and visualise. and remember.
i can see, i can touch, i can feel. and form more memories.
yes.
thinking in this way makes me that much happier.
of course, it would be the best to have both.
and i believe.
one day,
it will belong to me.
both aspects of it.
yes i still believe.
i have the advantage here,
no doubt.
im just hoping everything changes,
and goes my way.
and providing of course, that nothing changes on my part.

ha people. dont bother trying to decipher what i just wrote.
nobody will understand.
yay.

so,
singapore idol pracs for so many days.
WTF.
im quite pissed.
they're just wasting our time.
i can be mugging you know.
this is so shit.
i hope they're paying the choir.
or at least,
give us CIP hours.
humph.

im scared for finals.
very.
sigh.
jiu ming ah.

12 days to finals!

im happier nowadays.
ive sorted out my thoughts.
and just decided to be happy with what i have.
i keep telling my friends not to take me for granted.
i guess i have to not take them for granted too.
yes i should cherish all these time i have with them.
before long, it will be over.

and anyway.
i realised that it doesnt belong to me.
since it doesnt belong to me,
i have no right to react in anyway.
i shall be passive concerning it from now on.
yeah.
no point getting worked up about it.
yes may.
relaxing is the way to go.
its not it's fault that it means this much to me.
and its not my fault that it means this much to me.
its nobody's fault.
and ive just gotta live with it.

ooh i miss someone.
shant say who skarly the person sees and gets big headed.
wahha.
now i finally understand how much this friendship means to me.
(:

**

all you wanted.