Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

very true, but generally not long lasting.

Never Date an Aries

Impatient, restless, and selfish - it's a lot of work to make an Aries happy. And if you drop the ball, your Aries will be gone faster than you can say "I'm sorry"! Instead try dating: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, or Pisces

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that. People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts. You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you. People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

interesting..

Your True Love Is a Gemini

Why you'll love a Gemini: Witty and sharp, a Gemini can keep up with your fast (and ever changing) mind. You're both fun loving and free spirits. You and a Gemini can enjoy each other without expectations. Why a Gemini will love you: Not only can you keep up with a Gemini's sharp tongue, you can introduce a challenge or two... You're appetite for fun and novelty will keep a Gemini interested - at least for a bit longer than usual!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

hahaha!

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy. You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

haha see im so innocent (:

You Are Somewhat Mature

You definitely act like an adult sometimes, but a big part of you is still a kid at heart. While your immature side is definitely fun, you're going to have to grow up sooner or later.

Are You Immature?

muaha SEE!

You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince)

You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments. You know how to steal the spotlight... And how to act out to get your way. People around you know that you're good for a laugh. But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone. Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

nah dont agree.

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

woo hoo! ((:

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional. You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly. Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you. You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature. Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

i am not!

You Are A Romantic Realist

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance. Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know. And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball... But you'd never admit it to your friends!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

Would You Be a Cool Parent?

You Probably Look Younger Than Your Age

You live a healthy lifestyle and know how to take care of yourself. You'll probably have a youthful glow for many years.

Do You Look Your Age?

oops.

You Are 12% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm. Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

You Are Straight

There's not much queer about you. So let's just say you're straight... but not narrow.

What's Your Sexual Orientation?

You Would Choose Money

You know that love doesn't always last forever - but money can. Why bother with jealousy, petty fights, and hurt feelings? You rather just go shopping! And while marrying for money may be lonely, you'll always be well dressed, well traveled, and well fed.

Would You Choose Love or Money?

yep that's me!

You Are Medium Maintenance

You aren't as hard to deal with as some girls But you aren't the most laid back chick either You're easy to deal with 90% of the time, but watch out for that 10%! If the guy you are with has good intentions, then calm down a little But if he's really screwing up, don't waste your breath - move on :-)

Are You A High Maintenance Woman?

You Are 32% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

SEE! ((:

haha okay i was just wasting my time. procrastinating in other words. i should be doing research for chinese =/

okay ciao for now.

okay, so ive been tagged twice =/ so no choice la, gotta do.

According to the rules of the theme:People who are tagged should write a blog post of 7 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 7 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'You are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

(I) erm, i dunno, i am freakishly purple? like no matter where i am, there is always some part of me that is purple. lol.

(II) i get sick of purple some times too. lol, bet that came as a shock. but i still love purple 90% of the time.

(III) erm i've read at close to 20 books this whole june hols.

(IV) i like to drink f&n zappel (:

(V) i like to paint black nails, which totally doesnt suit my image.

(VI) i hope to revert back to my old sec2 'nerdy girl' image when school reopens.

(VII) im the shortest girl in my class, although im not very short in the first place. =/

i shant tag people cos im NICE (:

okay, did you all know, that when pee is first passed out, it doesnt stink? it is only after some time that the pee starts to stink, cos it gets exposed to the air. the longer the pee is exposed to the air, the smellier it gets. and once it gets smellier, flies get attracted to it. and then they'll keep hovering around it cos they get attracted to the smell. so, the pee and the flies than become one big entity, an irritating one too.

hahaha okay wad nonsense. this is all taken out of context so nobody will understand it. lol, have fun deciphering (:

the word 'broke' reminds me of the days when i was nice enough to donate money to save my friend.

lol $1 per day. how ridiculous right.

in retrospect, what i did was probably not appreciated, maybe even taken for granted.

no matter how i try,
i cant seem to find that magic again.

okay the rainbow was just a figment of my imagination.

was listening to the recordings from SOV 2006. haha felt so nolstalgic all of a sudden. i love the songs from SOV 2006, all very nice (: esp hear my prayer and sit down and binnama! omg i love binnama, really miss singing it ): was trying to remember the actions from sit down and binnama somemore. haha, really miss those times with choreo. it was really fun (: haha and rock around the clock, really miss that dancing too! it was fun, haha dancing with martin (: the prospect of not being able to sing those songs anymore saddens me. like next year, the only ppl who will be able to sing those songs with me will be martin and isabelle. ): sigh, it’s a lonely thought. i can still remember those times when Marcus made us sing around the LT, and different groups of people were picked to stand in the middle to listen. haha surround sound, that was quite cool. (:

yeah, and just really miss the whole of my choir life in 2006. it felt so carefree and fun, with the year 2s being year 1s last year. all the outings and stuff, swimming, going to dawn’s hse etc etc. sigh, now they are all so busy mugging. ):

yeah and was looking at my Malacca pics. really miss those times too. its like now most of the year twos wont be going to pattaya. )): who am i gonna take pictures with? haha, i just have this feeling that i’ll be a loner there, with no one to stick with. sigh. yeah Malacca was really fun and peaceful. its like we were going there for a holiday with friends. haha. and i remember we kept buying cakes from secret recipe. haha.

Some pictures,

my monkey and jerrold's haohao lol!

the dunmanians (:

the girls who went malacca.

yizha and i (: the pearls look nice with blazer yeah. hahaha.

the cat high guys.

i was certain i saw a rainbow.

or maybe it was just an illusion.

i dont know why
but im feeling tons better now anyway.
thanks.

my future husband! (:

his face will grow bigger than mine in 15yrs time xD

i dint do it for you.
i did it for myself.

rainbows dont appear often.
and when they do, they look so beautiful and amazing.
and nice and big and pretty (:

it makes you smile just by looking at it.

but rainbows fade fast.
one moment it's there, and the next moment it's not.
right lee lee?
my rainbow's fading, fast.
):

i sat in front of the computer the whole day today.

and when i stood up and stretched,
i heard "crack, crack, crack, crack".


cool huh.

sometimes i just dont get it.
okay not just it, basically everythng in life.

i really gotta tell myself not to fall into her shoes.
cos i know what his reactions will be like.
i saw it for myself and it struck me pretty hard.
cos i really felt sorry for her.
poor her.
poor me.


i guess it'll be a long time before i can truly open up to anyone new.
guess my small little fragile heart can only take that much hurt and pain.

anyway, i dont want to be sad. and i think im not. cos i dont really wake up with that heavy feeling on my heart anymore. there are even days when i look at my phone and grin like an idiot. seriously, its just like the old days. only its with someone different. but im very wary of approaching something new. because im scared of the hurt that accompanies it. it'll be a long time before i can really trust someone with all my heart again.

i gave away a portion of my heart, and although that portion will never come back, it can heal afterall. and im waiting, and waiting for it to heal. and its healing, slowly but surely, it is (:

haha i dunno why im ranting about all these. just that i think im not the sort of person who lists down everything that she did in the day. im more of the sort who will talk about her feelings. although ive been told many times too not to wear my heart on my sleeve. ah well.

this is the last time im gonna write anything concerning it anymore.
no more.
no more sad posts.

haha and that will mean that i'll blog less. whoops.

okay bye people!

sometimes i get this feeling that im over reacting.
and that things dont affect the other party anymore.
maybe i was just too self absorbed to think that i was important enough, to be able to affect them still.

they have, afterall, moved on.

sigh.

dumb stupid me.

Create your own Friend Test here

do this (:

everybody's not where they are supposed to be.
i guess that's the end of us.

**

having to give something up sucks,
but i guess it's only inevitable.

**

anyway, i must say im decidedly letting go.
haha i took how long?
bout 6 months before i could get down to trying to let it go.
but oh well, at least im trying now.

**

i know its weird to hear me say this, but i kinda miss 06v11! haha. i like this feeling, that anticipation of seeing my classmates again. yeah and i kinda realised that this is the last hols that 06v11 has together. this will be the last hols when i can look forward to seeing the class when sch reopens. cos from next hols onwards, we'll all be seperated.

):

i really wanna treasure 06v11 now. cos i really really have grown to love this class. the people here are so great, and no matter what people say, i still do believe that most of us have this bond with each other. (:

yes and i love that sense of cohesiveness in class, the general atmosphere in class is quite alright. save for a few intruders at time that spoils the ambience, the class generally has this air of friendliness. (:

yes and its further decorated alr (: i love the way our classroom is so personalised. xD

i cant wait for class chalet at the end of this hols, even though it hasnt even been booked! hahah. well hope the new class com will book the chalet earlier this year, so we wont burn a whole in our pockets (: yeah cant wait cant wait!

**

oh and i miss the yeartwos! haha only met up once during this hols, but i guess its quite enough for me to keep me happy. i've lowered my expectations quite a lot, i guess just seeing them once in a while is enough. its cool though haha, that almost everyone turned up for an impromptu dinner. (:

i love all of you!

**

im learning to not let things bother me.
i should be happy anyway,
for you,
all of you (:

im glad that you all are having fun,
even though im not in the picture,
i guess that's fine too.
what matters is that yall are happy!

smile xD

**

im happy enough with my life now anyway,
just be optimistic!
cos i believe that when there's a down, there'll be an up.

the up's my class now anyway. ((:
oh oh and the sistas too xD

cheers everybody!

they say pictures paint a thousand words.

but oh well.

i'll miss the yeartwos. those people that ive been with since last year.
i cried on tuesday morning, when i saw wan ting. because i realised that i wont be able to see her anymore after today when i turn my head during choir.
i guess we all dont learn to treasure until we're about to lose something.

i'll really really miss the yeartwos. the pain's so unbearable.
and guess what? i'll have to go through this two more times.
great.

i love vjchoir.
no man is an island.

pictures!
isnt this picture so twittish? hahaha.

my dearest love! (:

and rayrin looks so nice here right. as in his dressing hahaha. (:

was reading through random choir people's blog (not from vjchoir).
and well, i saw this comment, that went something like, 'its expected that they got gold with honours, so why did they scream like that?' only that it wasnt phrased so nicely and was written in a twittish sort of way.

well, that comment made me really irritated.

see that's the problem about being in vjchoir, all our hardwork never gets recognised.
everyone just thinks that it's expected that we do well in competitions. that we can win without even putting in much work and effort. well, that's wrong. we put in as much work as all the other choirs, possibly even more because of all the stress that we were facing.

and i saw this comment, 'vjchoir's aiming for full marks.. -.-" '
my first reaction was, since when?! about one week before syf, nelson said that he was actually struggling to keep us at a gold standard. since when did we talk about full marks?

we work so hard, slogged our butts off, just for a gold with honours. and in return we had to see other people comment and say, 'oh its expected that they get gold with honours.' and i must really say, we acheived this result through our hardwork. without all the hard work that we put in, im sure that no amount of natural talent would give us our gold with honours.

and it sucks even more that such tremendous pressure is put on us, just because vjchoir is expected to do well for all our competitions. ohwell.

i cant really take all these competition stress, lol. in fact, im already getting worried about syf two years down the road. sigh.

of course, there were good comments from people too. and i wanna thank all of these people for thinking well of us (:

oh on a happier note, we had choir yesterday and nelson told us about the judges comments.
apparently, ko matsushita was very very happy with our hana. well, i must say it was really very nice(: it was the first time i actually felt something for the song.

oh and our lowest mark was 91! xD and it was taken away because it was the lowest mark. haha, so our actual mark (which was the average mark from 5 of the judges)was actually well into the 90s ((:

i felt really really happy. i guess the gold with honours is starting to sink in. haha.

and SOV's coming soon! really excited for it although we really do need to put in a lot more work. JIAYOU VJ CHOIR (:

no man is an island.

GOLD WITH HONOURS :D
after all these hardwork, i think we deserve it (:

vjchoir,
no man is an island.

oh, i havent taken my medicine today.

okay this is a belated post.
but i really feel i ought to post this, and that's about my birthday! (:

firstly, i really wanna thank the many people who bothered to wish me a happy birthday. thanks for remembering! xD

yeah so there was intensive choir prac that day, big surprise. i expected it, but i was still unhappy about it. ive had a public holiday on my birthday all my life, so having practice on that day is sort of a big change i guess.

hmm, so let me try to recall my day. seeing as it was my birthday, my daddy brought me to eat a bit of breakfast before going for choir. yeah and when i went for choir, heard many people saying 'happy birthday may' randomly and stuff. it made me feel rather embarressed but happy at the same time. haha.

so, there was choir. well i already had a sore throat so i did not feel good at all about singing. yeah but i guess we sounded fine.

hmm yeah got a bit emo during lunch. so i went to the choir room to catch a bit of sleep. and when i opened the door, i recieved a huge surprise, shihui and marie were actually dancing there. and darren and jiejun were watching on the sofa. lol. how shocking.

yeah and after that we had practise with mr kwei. hmm it went fine i think. yeah so had year 1 prac for dale como es after choir. i hate dale como es seriously, and i dont see how we can manage to memorize that song in one week, when we havent even combined that song before. sigh.

yeah after that went with the year2s plus xy to marina square. went to cafe cartel and i had a nice time chatting with the lot of them (: went to chill with shu, wan ting, yut, oliver and huping at the esplanade thingy. haha took a whole bunch of stupid photos.

after that we went to the merlion thingy, yeah and we sat there eating ice cream. so we made a pact, 20:10 on 20.10.2010 at the ferris wheel. i wonder who would keep to this pact. i hope i will. yeah. anyway, as i was sitting there with the lot of them, it made me realise that this could be one of the last times that i would be able to come out with them like this and have so much fun, just the yeartwos.. well i was looking at the year1 06 picture that i had on my friendster and it struck me that the year1s of last year are actually year2s now and that they're leaving soon. it felt like they've been year2s forever. i cant really remember our year1 days anymore. sigh. well, im really glad that our last fun outing together was actually on my birthday (:

well anyway, we went to the fullerton and it brought back lots of memories. our seamoe days haha (: well camwhored there again. lol. i love the yeartwos, we never fail to have fun (:

yes so after that we went home. well i must really thank all these people who made my birthday special. i love all of you (:

anyway,
i wanna thank,
althea, alicea, yiling, jourdan, ian, guowei and elroy for the pretty purple/pink wallet.
shuwei, wan ting, dawn, yuting, shixuan, oliver, huping, yizha, kenny, xian yong, jerrold, for the whole set of clothes; the purple shirt, jeans, nail polish, nail stickers and earrings.
poline for the nice belt.
jialing for the lovely earrings, the birthday bear and the notes.
my sisters for the earrings.
my cousin for lovely set of perlini's jewellery.
and weirui for the postcard and stuff.

(:

oh and jiayou choir, syf in two days time!
we can do it, im sure we can (:

*

btw, if youre reading this, do you remember our bet?
so what are we gonna do about it?
if you see this, please get back to me or something?
dont let it be another empty promise.

let's just close off everything properly alright.

hello people, long time no see!
my sister was nice enough to lend me her computer hahaha.

ive got nothing much to say actually, just that i wanna get songs!
haha.

how boring right.
uh uh.

i miss my best friend.
hello if youre looking now, come for choir soon alright!
xD

life's been fine, pretty mundane, but spiced up by.. xD
hahaha.

i hope vjchoir does well for SYF. the pressure is like, woah, sky high.
uh.

i've really got pretty much nothing to say.
so ciao!

you know,
when someone who makes you irritated is so cute,
you feel like you can never get angry with him for long.
cos you just enjoy yourself so much when youre talking to him.
lee lee. <3
(:

**

im supposed to be researching about my achy breaky heart now.
but im not.
its so horribly difficult.
to think that i thought it would be easy to do.

**

memories memories memories.
the things that hurt me the most.

its just really weird that sometimes when im feeling absolutely happy, a sudden flash of the past makes me all emo and sad. and yet i know i shouldnt be like that, because it is unfair to the rest. afterall, when im being emo, the people whom im thinking about dont actually care. its the others who care, and i should really appreciate that. and well, i do. so i shall try to bottle up all those feelings. afterall, we dont need to wear our hearts on our sleeves.

**

achy breaky heart!
rah.

**

was going through friendster, saw something that made my heart wrench.
tragedies go on everyday.
not just for me but for everyone else too.
so what makes me think im so special? that i can be sad and moody about the bad stuff happening to me?
other people are getting it worse.
i should be thankful.
oh well.

**

im a confused little girl.
my feelings change everyday.
and also every few hours.
or maybe every few minutes.

**

life is short.
so live it to the fullest.

**

dont let me see you,
and i wont think about you.

dont let me think about you,
and i wont be emo.

dont let me be emo,
and i will be happy.

dont let me be happy,
for you will be unhappy.

**

major changes,
which i have to accept.

ive just got to know how to adjust to life without them.

all along, ive been unwilling to change.
to accept the fact that im alone, without them.

but kazuas are resilient.
they were able to exist on this planet longer than the dinosaurs did.

be strong, be adaptive.
that's the key to survival.
the key to my survival.

**

im so wasting time here. i dont even know what im saying. rah. achy breaky hearts suck.

**

bye.

(:
smile.

there are so many things that are worth my holding on.
and so many things that are not.

sometimes, in a moment of rashness, i get carried away and try my best to hold on to what i once possessed. something that was so sweet and made me feel so lucky. well, i guess the feeling's gone and that it can never happen again, but the memories will stay there.

sometimes, i get really crazy and think that everything can be saved, and maybe a miracle will happen to make everything fine again. that what used to be mine would come back to me. well, then, i slap myself awake and tell me that no matter what i do, it wont work.

im forced to tell myself that it was all my fault and that i made everything worse. haha, but thinking about it, its not totally my fault. and perhaps one sided things arent very good. what's the point of trying so hard to hold on when the other person doesnt even care?

sometimes, i remember how it used to be like. the happiness, the funny times, the jokes, and i ask myself, what actually happened? all the bad things that had happened pass me by in a blur. i dont think about it, in fact, i dont even remember it. what i remember, are the happy and sweet moments that all of us shared together. simple things such as cycling, studying. the sweet things that made me happy and all that. its these memories that stay in my heart.

and perhaps that's a good thing? perhaps its good that i dont really hold on to grudges. most of the time, i remember the good things that happened, which makes it doubly hard for me to let go. im not saying im not happy now. i am very in fact. its just that underneath all the happiness, there's this part of me that tells me that if those problems were solved, my life would be perfect.

then i realise, when i was with them, i wasnt satisfied. i was always looking for something else. something else to satisfy me. i was happy, close to being totally satisfied with my life, but it wasnt perfect. i guess i'll never be satisfied. and that i tend to paint beautiful dreams. most of the time, i picture a person that i like very much as being close to perfection. but when i actually see that person, and understand that person, he or she is not who i imagined him or her to be. and it makes me disappointed. but then again, even though i am disappointed, and hurt, i still do love that person very much.

perhaps its time for me to stop loving. it is difficult, but time will heal everything. perhaps time will wash away the awkwardness and the wounds. well, for me, it has already been washed away. i dont think about them anymore. i just remember how nice that person used to be. and most of the time, i have to force myself to remember that that's not the case anymore. i guess i've always been too idealistic.

well its true when they say you only learn to treasure something when you've lost it.
sadly, most of the time, you never get it back. sometimes i wish i was given a second chance. but i know it will never happen.

well, its rather saddening. but i guess i'll just have to learn to get on with my life. to move on and to let go. that's just life. people come and go, friends dont stay forever. and i should learn not to hold on too much.

yes and i guess im learning. most of the time, i have this internal struggle. and that is whether i should persist, to continue trying. well, nowadays, the side that tells me to stop trying wins. i guess that's good, cos it means im learning to move on. but really, its not easy.

sometimes i wished there's this section in our brain that allows us to shut off the hurt and the pain. to stop thinking about the past, to control our feelings.
but that's just wishful thinking.

the bottom line is, i think too highly of people sometimes. and im stubborn. so i hang on to things like a bulldog and never let go. but then, sometimes, some situations force me to let go. and i have to try hard.

well, its really really painful.
but i believe,
that at the end of the day,
i'll win.
afterall, im already halfway there.
(:

HI ALL.

been quite some time since i last blogged.
well, many things have happened.
not physically, but mentally (: and it made me a stronger and better person.

well the first two days of CNY were spent quite badly.
i felt moody and emo and well,
it was just plain boring.
rah.
but the third day was GREAT.
house visiting was a blast.
went to althea's, alicea's, guowei's and novabelle's houses.
yep it was really fun.
and i really had a fun time with the IP people.
we rock man! (:
all the crap fortune telling games we played, all the intellectual discussions.
it makes me feel really fortunate that i am actually in the IP. (:
yeap and when i was on the bus with xianyong, my angel and ex boyfriend,
i sort of thought things over properly.
and i managed to let go.
to forget about everything that's happened.

no more emoing and hanging on to the past for me.
the bubbly and cheerful may is back. (:
of course, the memories will stay with me forever, it's just that i feel its time for me to treasure the others around me. yep to love them and to thank them for everything they have done for me. yep and i did just that.
sent about 12 people a message that told them i loved them.
i expected messages of 'i love you too!' to come back. and guess what? in the end, about 80% of them thought i was going to commit suicide. it was hilarious really. hahaha. see it just tells us all how uncommon it is for people to express their love for each other. thus, we should all do it more often (:
yep and my shell station even called me the next day to check that i was still alive. hahaha had a nice random talk with him after that. too bad my father had to force me to get off the phone. x.x
sorry shell station!

okay so the next few days were passed really great. love the yeartwos and love my classmates (:
im enjoying myself in choir more too nowadays. lol i've learnt to let go and im really really proud of myself.

yep went out on fri to celebrate fei's birthday with the sistas. i love the sistas! too bad wen couldnt come again, cos she had choir prac. awww. next time okay? (: yep and laughed a whole lot with them again. lol. they seriously brighten my life up (: ohh and we sorta sang a song together. the chimney song. it sounded nice wahahaha. (:

uhhuh, so everything's fine and happy for me now.

no more emoing from may!
yay (:

treasure and cherish?
you dont know how to do that yourself.

hahaha, i've learnt so much through this episode.
guess its sort of yin huo de fu.
ive moved on and im really happy cos all this made me learn more about myself and to improve my character.

i read through all your actions yesterday.
it made me amused.

(:

oh btw,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO FEI.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND (weijie).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE TO ALTHEA.

i dont like this feeling.
i dread seeing you.

cherish.
cherish my friends.
im at althea's hse now btw.
haha. should have fun with them,
our last cny together leh.

(:

maybe i made the wrong move.
hahaha.
said the wrong things.
did the wrong stuff.
but oh well,
how much worse can it get?
ive given up already.
no more friendship,
nothing else.
just hope the pain goes away soon.
at least all my past actions are explained.

i hope you can be trusted.

**

muaha, suddenly realise that evanescence songs very nice.
all the sad and emo rock songs.
muaha.

atomic kittens also quite nice.
all my old cds lol.
sometimes its good to remember the old (:

**

now i will tell you what ive done for you,
fifty thousand tears ive cried.
lying decieving and bleeding for you,
but you still wont hear me.

im going under.

dont want your hand this time i'll save mysef
maybe i'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when i thought i'd reach the bottom.

**

you dont remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream
and dream i do

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i need to be with you
to live to breathe youre taking over me

**

nice right! muaha.
evanescence going under and taking over me.

**

if you see me walking down the street
staring at the sky
dragging my two feet
you just pass me by
it still makes me cry
but you can make me whole again

if you see me with another man
laughing and im joking
doing what i can
i wont put you down
cos i want you around
you can make me whole again

looking back on when we first met
i cannot escape and i cannot forget
baby youre the one
you still turn me on
you can make me whole again

**

and of course, AK whole again.
(:

**

i realise whatever you say has a double meaning.
stop shooting me.

rah i should go out and join the others at mahjong.
make myself happy for once.
niam niam niam.

sorry think this post is a bit incoherant.
treat it as a wasted post.
im spouting nonsense (:


i wish.

i wanna cherish the year twos.
seriously.
i shouldnt be wasting my time thinking of people who are not worth it.

just dont let me see.
dont let me look.
dont let me notice.

and i'll be happy.

let me remain ignorant,
ignorance is bliss,
i wanna feel blissful.

all the hurt that pours in after revelation.
its so painful,
my heart breaks into a million pieces.

i want the yeartwos.

during choir bbq,
there was this time when the 8 of us sat together at a table.
wanting, shuwei, yuting, dawn, yizha, huping, oliver and i.
just like the old times.
i miss the times we spent together.
a lot a lot.
yeah and i really cherished that few precious minutes when the 8 of us sat together during choir bbq.
love you guys.
thank you all so much for everything.
im glad im on good terms with all of you.
let things stay this way (:

i know some people are not worth it.
but i cant control my heart.

im happy when youre not around.
when you are, that pain i feel just by looking at you,
its indescribable.

why are we strangers?

put on your specs.
cos i dont recognise you anymore.

**

haha meant to blog about the outing with vivian, angmian, shunjie, manching and winki.
but it's been some time since ive been near a comp so..
lol.
yeah i really had a lot of fun with them.
missed them so much man.
guys, must come out often okay?
remember our two months promise! ((:

**

i make believe,
that you are here.

**

valentine's day was fine.
got a bit emo at first but ohwell, there are still lots and lots of people who love me.
thank you all for your little gifts and such.
every little gift and note brightened my day.
thank you all (:

**

im going under,
drowning in you.

**

hmm choir bbq was fun. i guess.
lol talked a bit to some people.
oh and i got dunked.
its easy to dunk me la, i so light.
lol! but i remember xy saying, 'omg why she so heavy one.'
wahahahaha!
may is FAT! (:

**

you can make me
whole again.

**

was listening to emo songs the whole day today.
lol dug out all my old cds.
rather interesting ah.

am at my cousin's hse now,
not bad la.
had a nice steamboat.
gupped loads of abalone.
my favourite wahaha.

**

looking forward to tues.
chinese new year house visting! (:

**

do you?
you know im such a fool for you.
do you have to let it linger?

gotta pick myself up,
where do i start,
cause i cant turn to you,
when it all falls apart.

okay i just deleted an emo post.

hai.
heart pain.

anyway, i announce that im not a pon-ner.
okay mr naij?
lol eh be honoured, you're actually mentioned on my blog!

lol okay.
im being whimsical.

stress level of ss too high.
shit man.

that surprise ive been thinking about for two weeks,
it'll probably not be appreciated.
but i know i'll regret not doing it.

everything seems meaningless now

hello people.

yesterday was quite a good day.
i had choir yesterday.
and i thought the practice was not bad.

lol, we did skye boat song and il coro delle malmaritate. im starting to like skye boat. it's quite nice (: uhhuh and after that we went to siglap to meet mr kwei. surprisingly, i think we sang quite well. lol, mr kwei seemed to be rather happy. yeah we sang our 4 jap songs, o magnum, skye boat and our il coros. lol. we only screwed up il coro women. lol so its not to bad. uhhuh and we learnt a new song, o my love is like a red, red rose. its such a beautiful song alright! (: the lyrics are on shu wei's blog. heh.

so choir ended at like 3. yeah and the musico and exco had a meeting with mr kwei. yeap so all of us waited outside for them. i had a really great time bugging my PAPAYA to sing either ciao bella ciao or o my love is like a red, red rose for me. lol, its so fun teasing my PAPAYA (: haha. btw, my papaya's reuben. if yall dont already know. lol!

yeap after that i just sad with the clique at the benches and we were just crapping about everything. i thought it was rather fun (: yep.

after that i left with danny and yuting for town first. yep, had a nice talk with them. lol we were talkin about proposing and all those stuff. really interesting (: yep.

after that i went to suntec and met rhoda. yep walked around with her and chatted and bitched and gossip about lots of stuff. lol, zhuofei and sherry were late again, as always, lol. yeah and after we ment zhuofei and sherry we went to meet yuxuan. hahaha. so, the five of us walked around to find a farewell present for diane. yeah we found a gorgeous jewellery box for her. its really cute (: hope she likes it. :D

yeap and after that, we walked to this toy shop. and there those really cool capsule thingys. lol. there this capsule that was a miniature version of a capsule machine. yeah and i thought that was really cute. (: cost 2 dollars only, quite cheap leh. lol.

uhhuh after that we went to the nuss clubhouse for diane's farewell party. it was really great. yeah and the food was rather good too (: i had an absolutely great time with the sistas there. yeah, all the laughing and joking and bitching and gossiping and catching up. really love the sistas (: it was really great to be able to catch up with them again. yeah and everything's fine now, no more awkwardness of anything. i believe our friendship will be able to last. (: i really treasured the time spent with them yesterday. now i know what's the meaning of cherish. (:

I LOVE THE SISTAS.

yeah so anyway, that put me into the mood for meeting up with all my old friends. yeah cos no matter how caught up we are in our own lives at the moment, we all should still take the time to meet up with our old friends, because that sense of connection you feel with them is something that doesnt exist with your other groups of friends. yeap, its good to catch up once in a while (:

yeah, some things happened that dint quite make my day perfect.
but those were minor things.
whatever it is, im really glad i got to see my dear beloved sistas.
(:

shall meet up with feevian and angmian them soon.
take care all my dearies.

of course, i wont forget my present friends,
alicea althea and gang from 06v11,
and the clique in choir (:

what a long and unemo post. heh.

**

who's that girl.

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你

细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感

分享的汤我们俩吃汤吃一个碗
左心房暖暖的好保暖

**

孤单是一个人的狂欢，
狂欢是一群人的孤单。

爱情原来的开始是陪伴，
但我也渐渐的遗忘，
当初是怎样有人陪伴。

我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停，
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心，
只是心又飘到了那里，
就连自己看也看不清，
我想我不仅仅是失去你。

**

did i hear you right?
cause i thought you said,
let's think it over.

you have been my life,
and i never planned,
going on without you.

bruised and battered by your words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts.

**

i miss malacca.
conte partiro.

hi people.

life's been rather good nowadays.
but i havent really been sleepin well.
dark eye circles are coming out.

yeah i really shouldnt have such high expectations.
esp for other people.
cos i guess many people cant live up to my expectations.
and i cant live up to my own expectations too.
sometimes i really wonder,
what's wrong with me?

this isnt supposed to be an emo post.
well, im quite excited about making valentine's day presents hahaha.
okay actually i only know what to do for a few people.
hahaha the rest..
i shall have to continue thinking.

anyway,
i borrowed the illustrated version of bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything. really excited about reading it.heh i read it before, but i decided to read it again. its a really good book, so everybody, go borrow or buy it (:

went for consort's concert the other night.
it was fine la, though the first half was boring. guess we all didnt know how to appreciate the music. the second half was okay. haha and i like the part where they dressed up as children. really cute! and it kinda made me miss SOV. i cant wait for SOV! i realised singing is really much better than listening. hahaha. as in, when youre on stage, it feels so cool (: but when youre down there, it just feels like another ordinary concert. i cant wait for SOV! (:

its time to mug away. all my troubles.

i just wanna say,
i still care.
for you, triplets.

gosh.
i shouldnt keep being so emo.

time to get on with my life.

ive been enjoying myself in class.
angel and mortal is fun! (:
my class angel is nice hahaha.
he's rather humorous and is rather effective in replying.
i can look forward to receiving his letters like, once a day? which is much more than what others get. lol.
and my class mortal, he's even more effective!
i received THREE letters from him ytd alright. (:

lol im having a fun time writing letters to my class and choir angels and mortals.
(:
the choir angel has stopped responding so much,
yeah and my choir mortal hasnt been very responsive from the start lol.
but nevermind, i still love them.

hmm and i think i like my class quite a lot (:
the class spirit is quite good.
and even though there are cliques, everyone can talk to each other :D
yep.
i like i like.
hope this continues.

just a bit of ranting,
i came across someone's blog, and i decided i shant be as childish as him to shoot people in their blogs. cause it just creates a never ending vicious cycle. and that, in itself, is childish.
what i want to say is that, im not a hypocrite.
dont judge people when you dont even know what is actually happening.

uhhuh.
i thought i could move on.
but its proving to be more difficult than i thought.

i went to the airport ytd. and guess what?
when i saw that foodcourt, all those memories came flooding back.
yeah and i walked into mini toon later to see my piggy keychain that they bought me last time.
and it made me even sadder.
but oh well, i shant try to think of it.

i just feel that im not enjoying myself much in choir recently.
i miss the year twos.
although i see them often, i dont feel that sort of connection that i had with them in the past already.
yeah and i can feel some people drifting apart from me.
sigh.
shant think about it la.

it's true, cherish what you have now instead of thinking about what you'll lose.
but its hard to do that when it seems like you hardly have anything left.
i have my class left though.
that's a good thing.

sometimes i look at the two of you and i wonder,
why is it that you two can move on so easily?
perhaps im just hanging on to memories that i shouldnt be hanging on to.

rah.
homework's piling up.
i should go home and mug my ass off today. lol.

feeling sorta lonely nowadays, not in class, but in choir.
but oh well.
life's ironic.

everything's over.

i havent been crying right?
so why is it that my eyes feel so sore?

perhaps it's good that im learning to give up.

i realise it's good to make others happy.
although ironically i dont feel very happy myself.

hi.

let me tell you all a story.

once upon a time, there were three people. A, B, and C.
A and B were originally very very good friends.
and A and C were originally normal friends who could get along well with each other.
however, one day,
B and C started getting closer.
and A was jealous because B started neglecting her.
thus, A started to dislike C and to start to avoid her.
C, sensing that something was wrong, went to A and tried to ask her what happened.
obviously, A did not know how to put it and thus did not want to talk to C about it.
worried, C decided to go to B to ask about why A was being so cold.
B, knowing the exact reasons why, decided to scold A about her behaviour as B thought it was wrong and unfair to C.
A, having already been irritated, thus got angrier at C as A was angry about B scolding A for C.
thus, the problem worsened.

in the end,
after a lot of complications.
B and C got very close to each other.
and B decided to leave A.
B found that A was very unlikable and thus decided to tell A the exact reasons.
A, having found out that B actually disliked A, felt hurt and thus was very upset about losing the friendship.
however, A decided to let the matter rest and to not bother about it anymore because there was nothing A could do to change B's mind.
however, A still cared very much for B and thus still continued to msg B to ask about B's stuff etc. B was however, unresponsive and in other words, heartless.
meanwhile, B and C got very close.

recently, C stopped talking to B, and A, being concerned for B, decided to tell B that no matter what happened, A would still be there for B.
instead, B said that although B knew that A cared, he cared about C.
A thus realised that something was wrong and decided to ask B what A did wrong again.
B then accused A of telling everyone about the A, B and C problem and of asking A's friends to ostracize and talk bad about B and C.
A was thus very indignant and irritated as A had did nothing of that sort.
thus, A went about to convince B that A was not that sort of person, but B remained unmoved.

next, here comes person D.
A realised that D was drifting away from A.
and thus decided to msg D to ask about what A had done wrong.
D replied to say that D was just treating A the same way as what A had been treating C.
A got a big shock as she did not know that D knew about this matter.
in other words, D was angry with A because of C.
A was thus very sad that another friendship was lost.

after mulling about the problem for some time.
A realised that she was wrong to have wronged C about A's loss of friendships.
it was not C's fault that C had made friends with B and D.
instead, it was B's fault for having neglected A and A should not have channelled all the hurt and anger onto C.
thus, A realised that A did not actually disliked C and wanted to resolve the problem between C.
thus, A decided to tell C that A was sorry about her actions.
C however, has been hurt very much by A.
and thus did not want to accept A's apology.
therefore, A decided to not push C, but to instead, tell C that she really has realised her wrongdoings. A thus hopes that C would forgive her.

meanwhile, A does not wish to bother B and D anymore, and wishes that the problem will wash away with time.


the above story is from a biased perspective.
and please do not judge anyone after reading this post.
the above story is just an informative narrative to talk about the problem.

people who are not involved in this,
one word of advice,
stay out of this.

**

anyway,
i want to thank everyone for the care and concern they have showed me.
it is really very appreciated (:

perhaps its wrong of me to have posted this here for everyone to see.
but i guess since everyone is hearing stuff abotu this.
why not i present a more accurate viewpoint of this issue.

ciao.

ciao, bella ciao.

hi.
feeling sort of sad.
just saw things that i shouldnt have seen.
sigh.

was talking to wan ting and jialing about the problem yesterday.
about how i feel so useless and pathetic and 'no backbone.
cos no matter how badly you treat me,
i still care very very much for you.

i know that i shoudnt care about you,
because you dont even care.
but yet i wont feel good not caring for you,
because i still consider you as my cf.

you have many people who care for you,
and i know you dont care whether i care for you.
cos the fact remains that you dislike me.
and it's saddening.
i got over the fact that your cf now is her,
yeah it makes me sad,
but it doesnt make me pissed or angry anymore.
maybe its just because i got used to it.
the sight of the two of you together,
it irks me,
but it doesnt have such a big impact on me anymore.
cos i just brush it off, and think,
there they are again.

sigh.
i cant help but think about the what ifs.
what if you never got to know her?
what if we are still cfs this year?
what if you never disliked me?

i think its a great pity that i lost my cf.
i spent the whole of the last quarter of the year last year thinking about how great it would be to have the three of you in vj. how we can always go out after school and have fun and everything. and it's really sad that the opposite is coming true, that our friendship is falling apart. and for your case, our friendship has already fallen apart.

what if we're still cfs this year?
we would be the ones going home together. and we would be going out after school to mug and have lunch, etc etc. like how it was like last year.
we were all in diff schools last year, but yet we still took time to come out and meet up.
but yet, this year, al though we're all in the same school, we dont go out together anymore. maybe the three of you still do, but not with me. perhaps i drifted apart. sigh.

never in the whole of last year would i have envisioned this thing happening.
perhaps i caused this?
my mannerisms, and my character.
basically the way i am.
sigh.
i just dont learn from my mistakes dont i?

i know i shouldnt be feeling sad.
and i know i shouldnt care about this matter anymore,
because its not supposed to be affecting me anymore.
but i am sad.
who would be happy about losing their close friend?
one that was almost a best friend.
one that i shared all my secrets with.

these few days,
i wanted to tell you everything that was happening to me.
like about my incentive for classtime,
about lesson time and everything.
but then,
i know i cannot,
because you wouldnt even have the heart to listen to me.

i remember this theory that i was told from last time.
it was that friends get very close to each other,
but after some time, one party or both parties will start disliking each other,
because they will know each other so well that they find out each other's flaws.
however, if they manage to get past this stage,
they will become the best of friends.

i forgot all about this theory,
until i suddenly remembered it.
and i realise,
perhaps there's still hope for our friendship.
perhaps it's not all over yet.
perhaps you'll start to like me again.
and then we'll be cfs again,
and probably we'll be even closer than before.

i know that youre probably thinking,
what a joke.

and i know its stupid to even hope for that to happen.
because only 1% of me believes that this will happen.
the other 99% believes that our friendship is over.
and i kinda hate myself for remembering that theory,
for harboring that thread of hope.
and yet i feel remotely happy when i think of that bit of hope i have about our friendship.
that our friendship may actually be able to survive.

i know im being stupid.
and i really should extinguish that flicker of hope before i hurt myself again.
but i cant bring myself to.

i meant it when i said that i can live without you.
i mean, i wont die.
but im not happy either.
and even if im happy without you,
it doenst mean that i dont care.

because i still do care.
very very much indeed.

im sorry for such an emo post.
its not that i wasnt happy today.
i was,
its just that im feeling sad about my problem now.

**

on a happy note,
i really love playing angel and mortal.
i love my choir angel (:
its super fun talking to him!
he makes my day man,
cos i feel happy whenever i see a letter from him.
(:

and of course
the sight of lee lee makes me happy.
(x

my 300th post!
hahaha.
choir yesterday was long and draggy and unbearable.
rah, i cant remember sectionals having been so draggy since the yeartwos left.
so irritating la okay.
i was rather high ytd, for reasons i dont know about.
lol, but yeah i was super duper crazy and high.
yeah and i had a lot of fun.
found a new 'boyfriend' too.
hahahaha.

**

im glad you made that choice.
you forced me to let go.
although im still sad from time to time.
ive realised that i can live without you.
and that we are actually better off without each other.

i just hope you dont go overboard about some stuff,
cos as a friend im seeing things that shouldnt be happening.
please stay true.

**

i feel so bad for not listening today. rah, was super unattentive.
cos at the beginning of the day i was writing letters for my angel and mortals.
and yeah think that caused me to not warm up my brain for the day,
thus accounting for my slowness during the rest of the day.
cos i couldnt really absord and think and all that.
everything just goes into my head and swirls around.

badbadbad.
lol.

hope i sleep earlier today
and be more attentive tomorrow.

i like my lee lee.
<3

hello people.

today is the first day of formal lessons hahaha.
how interesting.
and the first piece of work ive got is the SS task.
that junk'd youth thing.
i shall get it done by wed.

lessons today were fine, haha surprisingly, the time passed quite quickly. yeah and i was listening! three cheers for me (: going to cut hair later with althea and alicea. they're just peing me la haha. so nice of them right. (: my hair's damn bushy man, cant wait to get it cut hahaha.

i should talk about COWPAY (: my camp group! hahaha. we're damn cool okay, and we're really creative. look at our name? its creative enough hahaha.

yo cowpay wassup?
MOO!
cant hear you!
MOO!
one more time!
MOO!
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
shake it up
MOO!
shake it up
MOO!
AYYYYYYYYY COW!

audrey thought of COWPAY KAOBULL. hahahaha interesting right!

hahaha, anyway i really really enjoyed camp. yeah and i think i got to know others much better. and im glad i found an incentive for myself. hahaha. it feels so great to just stare at someone. hahahahahahaha. okay im just going crazy. i was actually excited yesterday yknow? to come to class. hahaha.

**

i should be un emo,
but here's a short bit of emoness.

i saw you in school today, i dont think you saw me. and i walked past you, without saying hi. i wanted to, but somehow, i just didnt have the courage to just call out your name. cos i dont think i can stand it if i see a look of disgust on your face. i dont know what to expect, yeah and i guess im just trying to protect myself from more hurt.

choir later.

im quite apprehensive actually. dont know what's gonna happen. but one thing's for sure,
im not gonna bug you anymore.
i've tried my best.
and since you promised me that things will go fine,
i shall hold you to that.

but then again,
even if things dont go fine,
i dont think there's anything i can do.
you're just heartless.
and i know this thing's not affecting you anymore.
i hope in time to come, it wont affect me so much anymore.
i should just learn to be like you.

'i wanna get to know your spouse and children.'
'yeah and i wanna be your children's godmother.'
that was how long we wanted to be friends, what happened to all that?

**

anyway, back to being happy. kenickie and alicea were sitting beside me just now. hahaha. so i couldnt blog. yeah and we were watching miss swan. lol the drive thru one and the atm one.

ms swan : you make me feel like a dirty litte whore.
woman: no i wasnt! i didnt call you that.
ms swan : but you were thinking it!

HAHAHAHA. so retarded right. ms swan is funny man.

yeah back to the point, im feeling more and more comfortable with my class, which is a good thing (:

haha my incentive!
LEE LEE. (((((:
<3

back from camp.

these few days gave me a chance to retreat from all the problems in my life.
things still stayed in my mind, and on the first day, i kinda spent my time moping around, and wondering why things turned out this way. and wondering why it is that history had to repeat itself. only this time, i knew that i was trying hard, very very hard, to salvage anything.

told alicea what happened, and she said, 'may, you have to understand it's not your fault anymore, because i can tell you're really trying your best.'
and it was what i needed to hear, it was the reassurance that i had wanted from so long ago.

yeah nolstagia's coming back to me recently about everything.
but everyone's gotta move on at some point in their lives.
everyone's bound to get hurt at some point in their lives.
and this is the point in my life.

and i most learn to get over it.
and im sure i can do it.
because through this camp,
i've realised the ip people are not as bad as i thought.
i CAN have fun with them.

yeap and so this leads to my next point,
i enjoyed the camp (:
and im glad i did.
because i went for camp with that,
RAH STOP WASTING MY TIME attitude,
and im glad i came out a changed person (:

starting to appreciate the people around me more.
yes and im starting to see people for their good points, and not their bad points.

anyway im kinda feeling numb now, not much of feelings concerning the problem i have.
guess the pain will come again when i see them.

rah, but ive really did all i could.
and its not my fault some people are just so heartless.
if ive done my best,
at least i'll have no regrets and not feel guilty.
i have no right to dictate the choices that other people make.
and i dont want to dictate either.

from now on i shall learn to appreciate.

anyway,
there's an incentive for me to go to class now. hahahaha.
leelee. (:

CHOIR LATER.
and im wearing my dunman high uniform.
super duper excited okay.
i never wear it for more than a year already!

yep and the first choir prac of the year, im so excited!
but i'll be late cos of my stupid gse assessment.
its at 1500, and choir starts at 1500.
what the hell right.
den i cant act as a retarded year 1 already.
i hope the gse thingy takes only like 15mins?
dont waste my time lol.

going to camp from tmr to sat,
which means missing choir pracs again. wth la!
):

im in class now btw.
haha, which explains why i can blog.

. .... ...
those are words i'll never say.

uh lalala.
got so many questions in my head.
now i know what people mean by not thinking too much.
i used to think its impossible.
but now,
just learn to push negative thoughts away when you start thinking about them.
look on the bright side and try not to be negative.
think of happy stuff instead of upsetting things.
yeah.
and im learning to do all that.
am i still your cf? or is she yours now?
but still cant help feeling that things will never be the same.
it'll be a test of my determination later,
i hope i can do it.
rah.

**
this time its done,
never feel the same.
but we had some good times,
guess its sad just the same.

i guess the truth
doesnt matter some how,
but you were living proof,
of what love is about.

cool song right, heh. JONATHAN LEONG sang it hahaha (:

**
sometimes im really sad when people keep saying im a year0 (year-1 for last year).
cos its like,
we're all the same batch what!
i came in at the same time as them.
why arent i a year1?

its like isabelle can command respect from the year1s last year.
they dont insist that she's a junior,
in fact,
they think of a her as a senior.
why cant they do the same for me?
):

so sad lo!
being ip doesnt mean im immature.
in fact,
im considered very mature in ip okay.

):

i belong with the year twos la!
stop calling me a year zero.

**
okay random rantings i know.

i cant help remembering my 'brothers'.
from last year.
its rather saddening that i lost them,
just because of a wrong move i took.
sad.
the pain is still there.
i still miss the friendship i had with them.
but they'll never come back.
which is sad.
and that is why i dont want to regret again.
sigh.

you dont even know all these do you.

**

i kinda dislike you. no wait, i hate you.
dont bother to ask me who the person is.
you all dont know one.

**
i think my classmates are cute.
hahaha.

everything's better now.
people are heartless i know,
but still, dont think so much and it'll be much better.

uh was reading wan ting's blog, and she talked about thinking about memories with friends.
and how they'll just bring a smile to your face naturally.
and coincidentally,
i was thinking about all the fun outings i had with the triplets.
cos i was looking at the photo i have of the four of us, which is hung on the wall at the foot of my bed. haha.
yeah and i spent about 15-30mins just sitting like a retard and thinking about our outings.
and it gave me a really warm and fuzzy feeling.
and of course, it brought a smile to my face.
haha no matter what, i still love the triplets. (:
i remember one of our first outings, the airport one. and it's really interesting how we came to get to know each other so well. haha.



cool picture right:D LOVE YALL (:

that was taken during caroling haha.

stupid wf and is favourite face. haha notice yizha in the background?

lol xy smiles retardedly, cute la uh. lol!

haha anyway, who can forget? my gang! i love them man, seriously. they rock. yes and our happy times? too many to even recount everyone of them hahaha. yes i must really really treasure the times spent with them this year, cos they're leaving already. ):

haha i love huggy photos (:

yeah my shell station! (:

LOVE THE CHOIR PEOPLE. ((:

haha anyway, okay i admit that im not fat. but still, my thighs are a bit out of proportion. cos its fatter than what it should be. the photo above shows it all! ):

anyway, went to crash guowei's og with alicea just now. it was some og from icaras haha. the people are quite friendly :D we went to some random person's house for pizza cos apparently his og ordered too much pizza, so it was free pizza for us! (: heh anyway i had fun with them, feel so comfortable omg. its great being a senior, cos you just dare to talk in front of everyone. yay orientation this year was quite interesting. i just LOVE being a senior (:

yep hope to crash suntec later. going with the choir people (: yep. im at wan ting's house now btw hahaha. if not how i blog?!

okay happy post today haha. ciao people! ((:

RAH.

super irritated.

RAH RAH RAH.

why is it that im the only one who bothers.

accept things for what they are?

yeah ive gotta learn to do that.

ive tried my best.

if youre so heartless.

you know what? i can do the same.

what i predicted all came true.

feel like slammig people.

but i shall grow up and be a nice person (:

RAH.

im still bloody irritated.

i wonder if you feel any sense of guilt.

i bet you dont.

cos youre heartless.

you know that?

esp when it comes to me.

RAH.

i still cant help thinking about it.

it stays at the back of my mind all the time.

i cant believe that im losing everything.

ive tried to be nice.

and i will continue trying,

but everything that goes on in my head,

will be for myself to know.

was reminded of the vahalla cheer,

FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL.

hahaha year 1s will know the true meaning of this.

**

on a lighter note,

new year resolutions!

want to write them down so that i can review them next year (:

1) study harder and depend on myself for my homework.

2) do consistent work.

3) dont fall asleep in class.

4) improve on my singing.

5) be more tolerant.

6) treasure all my year1 friends.

7) improve on my character.

8) be a friendlier person.

9) speak up in class.

10) be more involved in ip.

haha ok i cant think of any more.

**

i still cant help but be irritated.

RAH.

she's forever the nice girl.

and im the bad unreasonable wilful young kid.

shant keep harping on it,

in case i get slammed again.

im just glad that i have people behind me who are there to listen to me complain.

feel tempted to write something. but i wont.

control maymay (:

im really glad to have my clique.

really really.

at least i still have them.

no matter how much everything hurts,

at least i still have them.

i need my shell station man.

its like everyone else knows what i should do.

in fact, i know what i should do.

but saying it is much easier than doing it.

RAH,

im irritated and confused and hurt.

believe you? my ass.

**

anyway, i had a terrific new year countdown,

duper fun minus the underlying hurt and pain.

it feels good to be able to sing during the first few minutes of the new year.

its a good feeling. (:

a good sign that i'll continue singing.

yay.

ip2's gonna be so stressful and hectic.

enjoy the freedom while it lasts.

yeah and i'll be crashing o1 later! mass dance yay (:

**

irritating freaks.

superficial traitors.

bet you all dont know who im talkng about (:

ciao people. and wait a long time for me to blog again.

my comp is SEVERELY spoilt.

im in school btw if you havent figured hahaha.

i never knew how terrible it was to suddenly lose your loved ones .

a line the struck me hard in the movie, Confessions of Pain.

i lost what i shouldnt have lost.
what exactly did you lose anyway?
is that really the case?

perhaps its something that should have been lost since long ago.
just that we had forced it to stay ours.

i thought i could do it.
but i realised that i couldnt.
it hurt too much.

i spend every single moment thinking of what i had lost,
and if i had made the right decision to do that.

it hurts so so so much.
but when i remember how much more you had hurt me,
i start to think that maybe i had made the right decision.
but still, it hurts that things had to come to this.

the next few days will be a test of my determination.
ytd was terrible for me. the acting, the laughing, the faking that everything was fine.
in a sense i feel a sort of release from this situation.
but it hurts that i had to lose such an important thing to me just to solve this problem.

i dont see anything wrong about disliking people.
afterall, we had never been good friends.
but so many people lash out at me,
and say that its wrong.
so i do what's right.
right for everybody,
but not for me.

i need the support and reassurance that i made the right choice.
for i am starting to doubt my decision.
my resolve might crumble any moment,
but i dont want to return to the life i used to live.
and that was to guess, and worry, and to feel neglected.
perhaps youre right. you dont deserve my concern.

but still,
i miss our friendship.
):

heartache.
that's all i can say.

im losing you, all of you.

and im told that my job is to not control it,
to let you all go.
it's something i have to learn to do.
and it's hard.
the pain it's causing me, it's unbearable.

im trying to do what's right.
'you feel right because you did something right,
you dont do something right just because you feel right.'

it's hurts so much.
that aching pain in your heart.
but i shall learn to control what i do.
'dont let your feelings control your actions.'

i wonder,
when i wasnt around,
did you all even wish that i was around?

there are so many questions that i wanna ask,
but somehow, i feel that isnt right for me to ask you anymore,
for you are no longer my close friend.
you're someone else's close friend now.
you talked through the night with her.
im not jealous, ive gone past that stage already.
its just that when i heard that that had happened,
i suddenly felt so distant from you.
like you were no longer my close friend.
i guess i was wrong to even treat you as my best friend.
whatever it is, perhaps its time for all of us to move on.

and you, i heard you singing that song with her.
guess its the same thing for you.

why has things come to this stage?

another clique is forming.
a clique that i detest.
but will have to accept no matter what.
because it is my job to compromise and let them make their own friends.
to not control them.
to just let go.

there are so many spiteful things that i can say.
and yet, i realise,
what for? why make yourself and the people around you miserable?
just contain the misery to yourself.
and then look for the shell station to pump it all out.
thanks shell station.

the picture is still there. as my phone's mini wallpaper and as my msn display picture.
i wonder what happened to us. are we drifting apart?
or is it the introduction of new people?

it pains me to see us in this state.
and i hate it that i cant control my feelings.
i hate it that i always throw tantrums.
i dont want to. why havent i changed?
guess its not as easy as i thought it was.

**

xmas. it's something that never mattered to me.
but this year, it did. (:

recieved lotsa cards from people. yes, and some esp heartwarming messages from my close friends (:
xmas is a period of caring and sharing, yes and some people really touched my heart :D

carolling brought us all closer together in some way or another. and brought some of us apart. but still its an experience that i would never forget.

yes and the grand reunion was WOAH. as i was standing there with all the seniors and fellow choir mates. i really felt very warm and fuzzy inside. and i was really glad to be part of this big victoria family. and that sense of pride i felt when i was singing with everyone, its indescribable. the sound we produced, its like so heavenly and awe-inspiring. yes. its at times like these when i realise that i do love vj choir. (:

yes and i got to talk to a few year twos today. mainly weijie, jonathan gan and jeremy yeo. guess they're like the few year twos im relatively close to. got to hug them today yay! :D haha take care you guys and dont ever forget me alright! (:

**

RAH. i hate it when im made to be a big baddie or something.
argh.
shoo.

**

interesting new phrase:
im your shell station; refill your happiness.

thank you shell station :D

have you ever felt like all the people that were important to you were slowly slipping away?
and that to their eyes you are just being unreasonable?

have you ever wondered how things could hurt so much that it scares you?
and how the people who hurt you so much could go on laughing?

have you ever felt heartache?

**

my comp's still screwed. writing in wordpad now. let's see if internet explorer will be nice to me. if you can see this in my blog, it means internet explorer was nice. lol.

today was a relatively fun day.

sops sounded better today, for some weird reason. we were more blended. yes and i was more on form, not as sucky as ytd. but i feel my voice going =/ probably because of the clam chowder?
yes the first session at ritz was quite soft. the sound was alright, but we were just plain soft. yeah the second session was much better. we sounded much louder and much more energetic :D yeah. except for the screwed up we wish you, i basically enjoyed myself during the second session. yes and a lot of seniors came back today. which was cool. it's been some time since ive seen such a big choir. not that we were very big, but it's just that its much bigger than the usual number. so during the third session, we were all blasting. about 1/4 into the third session, it started raining, and it was really ironic cos when the session started, i was thinking that we were lucky that it wasnt raining-.- yeah so we were moved into this small shelter. and so we werent as impressive. which was quite a sad thing cos we were really quite loud. ): i was hoping we would get more tips. lol. but whatever it is, it was fun :D

yes and i had fun talking to some of the seniors. its great to see some of my crapping partners again (: yes and i talked to some year3s, like just a bit of crap talk. was feeling quite happy about it cos hey its not everyday you see year3s. im such a friendly junior :D

yay just recieved two christmas cards. from shiyun and from yuting. a big thank you! :D

anyway, i wanna say thank you to the people who care. at least you all bother to ask about me.

and there is one person whom i can say is my best friend now, thanks for always tolerating me. i shall try to change. you mean a lot to me and yeah sorry for always giving you shit. youre a nice person and a nice friend. thank you. you know who you are.

i hope this post gets onto my blog =/

[edit] it did (:

was thinking about quite a few things.

i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.

and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.

went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme

was thinking about quite a few things.

i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.

and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.

went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme

i dont like to feel sad.
and unhappy.
but sometimes you just realise you dont really mean much to anyone.

although you've always known that all along, but sometimes you just try not to believe it.
and when you are forced to accept it, it really feels very bad. sigh.

i know i shouldnt be feeling sad, but i cant help it.

sigh.

life is boring.


it's sad to feel unloved and uncared for.

hello people.

my computer is so screwed. it's even dismantled -.- and no one in my family bothers to fix it lol. so dont blame me for not updating my blog :D

hmm. the musical was great. :D fantastic wheehee.

malacca was great too. it was fun for me and i learnt a lot of things, be it for singing or for friendships and such.

im so gonna miss this batch of choir people. i really love them, and it wasnt easy for us to get to know each other this well and for us to get this comfortable with each other. i'm really gonna miss you guy next year when yall leave. please please go to pattaya alright :D

anyway, the choir clique's expanding :D the year zeros are joining us now. and some more people are starting to join us, like fran and heli :D the malacca trip really bonded us together (:

anyway, my homework's rather screwed, taking my time to read all the books. ah they're quite boring, but i'll pull through.

more choir pracs to look forward to (: yay. and i feel im really improving significantly. a great big thanks to the many people who have been encouraging me and teaching me :D

friendships are delicate things, and it takes a lot of time and effort to maintain it. but it really feels great when you reap what you sow :D and something someone told me makes sense, you must feel like you've got to know a person better after a fight, if not it defeats that purpose. im glad that im nearly always able to patch up with my friends after a big fight, and it makes us become better friends. thank goodness for that :D

i miss my class, esp movie marathons! :D meet up soon alright (:

anyway, i think im really gonna see the choir everyday for the rest of this holiday. lol. (:

at danny's house now btw, which explains why i can use the computer. wahahaha.

i shall disappear for another long period of time. ciao :D