i lost what i shouldnt have lost.
what exactly did you lose anyway?
is that really the case?

perhaps its something that should have been lost since long ago.
just that we had forced it to stay ours.

i thought i could do it.
but i realised that i couldnt.
it hurt too much.

i spend every single moment thinking of what i had lost,
and if i had made the right decision to do that.

it hurts so so so much.
but when i remember how much more you had hurt me,
i start to think that maybe i had made the right decision.
but still, it hurts that things had to come to this.

the next few days will be a test of my determination.
ytd was terrible for me. the acting, the laughing, the faking that everything was fine.
in a sense i feel a sort of release from this situation.
but it hurts that i had to lose such an important thing to me just to solve this problem.

i dont see anything wrong about disliking people.
afterall, we had never been good friends.
but so many people lash out at me,
and say that its wrong.
so i do what's right.
right for everybody,
but not for me.

i need the support and reassurance that i made the right choice.
for i am starting to doubt my decision.
my resolve might crumble any moment,
but i dont want to return to the life i used to live.
and that was to guess, and worry, and to feel neglected.
perhaps youre right. you dont deserve my concern.

but still,
i miss our friendship.
):