hi.
feeling sort of sad.
just saw things that i shouldnt have seen.
sigh.

was talking to wan ting and jialing about the problem yesterday.
about how i feel so useless and pathetic and 'no backbone.
cos no matter how badly you treat me,
i still care very very much for you.

i know that i shoudnt care about you,
because you dont even care.
but yet i wont feel good not caring for you,
because i still consider you as my cf.

you have many people who care for you,
and i know you dont care whether i care for you.
cos the fact remains that you dislike me.
and it's saddening.
i got over the fact that your cf now is her,
yeah it makes me sad,
but it doesnt make me pissed or angry anymore.
maybe its just because i got used to it.
the sight of the two of you together,
it irks me,
but it doesnt have such a big impact on me anymore.
cos i just brush it off, and think,
there they are again.

sigh.
i cant help but think about the what ifs.
what if you never got to know her?
what if we are still cfs this year?
what if you never disliked me?

i think its a great pity that i lost my cf.
i spent the whole of the last quarter of the year last year thinking about how great it would be to have the three of you in vj. how we can always go out after school and have fun and everything. and it's really sad that the opposite is coming true, that our friendship is falling apart. and for your case, our friendship has already fallen apart.

what if we're still cfs this year?
we would be the ones going home together. and we would be going out after school to mug and have lunch, etc etc. like how it was like last year.
we were all in diff schools last year, but yet we still took time to come out and meet up.
but yet, this year, al though we're all in the same school, we dont go out together anymore. maybe the three of you still do, but not with me. perhaps i drifted apart. sigh.

never in the whole of last year would i have envisioned this thing happening.
perhaps i caused this?
my mannerisms, and my character.
basically the way i am.
sigh.
i just dont learn from my mistakes dont i?

i know i shouldnt be feeling sad.
and i know i shouldnt care about this matter anymore,
because its not supposed to be affecting me anymore.
but i am sad.
who would be happy about losing their close friend?
one that was almost a best friend.
one that i shared all my secrets with.

these few days,
i wanted to tell you everything that was happening to me.
like about my incentive for classtime,
about lesson time and everything.
but then,
i know i cannot,
because you wouldnt even have the heart to listen to me.

i remember this theory that i was told from last time.
it was that friends get very close to each other,
but after some time, one party or both parties will start disliking each other,
because they will know each other so well that they find out each other's flaws.
however, if they manage to get past this stage,
they will become the best of friends.

i forgot all about this theory,
until i suddenly remembered it.
and i realise,
perhaps there's still hope for our friendship.
perhaps it's not all over yet.
perhaps you'll start to like me again.
and then we'll be cfs again,
and probably we'll be even closer than before.

i know that youre probably thinking,
what a joke.

and i know its stupid to even hope for that to happen.
because only 1% of me believes that this will happen.
the other 99% believes that our friendship is over.
and i kinda hate myself for remembering that theory,
for harboring that thread of hope.
and yet i feel remotely happy when i think of that bit of hope i have about our friendship.
that our friendship may actually be able to survive.

i know im being stupid.
and i really should extinguish that flicker of hope before i hurt myself again.
but i cant bring myself to.

i meant it when i said that i can live without you.
i mean, i wont die.
but im not happy either.
and even if im happy without you,
it doenst mean that i dont care.

because i still do care.
very very much indeed.

im sorry for such an emo post.
its not that i wasnt happy today.
i was,
its just that im feeling sad about my problem now.

**

on a happy note,
i really love playing angel and mortal.
i love my choir angel (:
its super fun talking to him!
he makes my day man,
cos i feel happy whenever i see a letter from him.
(:

and of course
the sight of lee lee makes me happy.
(x

my 300th post!
hahaha.
choir yesterday was long and draggy and unbearable.
rah, i cant remember sectionals having been so draggy since the yeartwos left.
so irritating la okay.
i was rather high ytd, for reasons i dont know about.
lol, but yeah i was super duper crazy and high.
yeah and i had a lot of fun.
found a new 'boyfriend' too.
hahahaha.

**

im glad you made that choice.
you forced me to let go.
although im still sad from time to time.
ive realised that i can live without you.
and that we are actually better off without each other.

i just hope you dont go overboard about some stuff,
cos as a friend im seeing things that shouldnt be happening.
please stay true.

**

i feel so bad for not listening today. rah, was super unattentive.
cos at the beginning of the day i was writing letters for my angel and mortals.
and yeah think that caused me to not warm up my brain for the day,
thus accounting for my slowness during the rest of the day.
cos i couldnt really absord and think and all that.
everything just goes into my head and swirls around.

badbadbad.
lol.

hope i sleep earlier today
and be more attentive tomorrow.

i like my lee lee.
<3

hello people.

today is the first day of formal lessons hahaha.
how interesting.
and the first piece of work ive got is the SS task.
that junk'd youth thing.
i shall get it done by wed.

lessons today were fine, haha surprisingly, the time passed quite quickly. yeah and i was listening! three cheers for me (: going to cut hair later with althea and alicea. they're just peing me la haha. so nice of them right. (: my hair's damn bushy man, cant wait to get it cut hahaha.

i should talk about COWPAY (: my camp group! hahaha. we're damn cool okay, and we're really creative. look at our name? its creative enough hahaha.

yo cowpay wassup?
MOO!
cant hear you!
MOO!
one more time!
MOO!
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
shake it up
MOO!
shake it up
MOO!
AYYYYYYYYY COW!

audrey thought of COWPAY KAOBULL. hahahaha interesting right!

hahaha, anyway i really really enjoyed camp. yeah and i think i got to know others much better. and im glad i found an incentive for myself. hahaha. it feels so great to just stare at someone. hahahahahahaha. okay im just going crazy. i was actually excited yesterday yknow? to come to class. hahaha.

**

i should be un emo,
but here's a short bit of emoness.

i saw you in school today, i dont think you saw me. and i walked past you, without saying hi. i wanted to, but somehow, i just didnt have the courage to just call out your name. cos i dont think i can stand it if i see a look of disgust on your face. i dont know what to expect, yeah and i guess im just trying to protect myself from more hurt.

choir later.

im quite apprehensive actually. dont know what's gonna happen. but one thing's for sure,
im not gonna bug you anymore.
i've tried my best.
and since you promised me that things will go fine,
i shall hold you to that.

but then again,
even if things dont go fine,
i dont think there's anything i can do.
you're just heartless.
and i know this thing's not affecting you anymore.
i hope in time to come, it wont affect me so much anymore.
i should just learn to be like you.

'i wanna get to know your spouse and children.'
'yeah and i wanna be your children's godmother.'
that was how long we wanted to be friends, what happened to all that?

**

anyway, back to being happy. kenickie and alicea were sitting beside me just now. hahaha. so i couldnt blog. yeah and we were watching miss swan. lol the drive thru one and the atm one.

ms swan : you make me feel like a dirty litte whore.
woman: no i wasnt! i didnt call you that.
ms swan : but you were thinking it!

HAHAHAHA. so retarded right. ms swan is funny man.

yeah back to the point, im feeling more and more comfortable with my class, which is a good thing (:

haha my incentive!
LEE LEE. (((((:
<3

back from camp.

these few days gave me a chance to retreat from all the problems in my life.
things still stayed in my mind, and on the first day, i kinda spent my time moping around, and wondering why things turned out this way. and wondering why it is that history had to repeat itself. only this time, i knew that i was trying hard, very very hard, to salvage anything.

told alicea what happened, and she said, 'may, you have to understand it's not your fault anymore, because i can tell you're really trying your best.'
and it was what i needed to hear, it was the reassurance that i had wanted from so long ago.

yeah nolstagia's coming back to me recently about everything.
but everyone's gotta move on at some point in their lives.
everyone's bound to get hurt at some point in their lives.
and this is the point in my life.

and i most learn to get over it.
and im sure i can do it.
because through this camp,
i've realised the ip people are not as bad as i thought.
i CAN have fun with them.

yeap and so this leads to my next point,
i enjoyed the camp (:
and im glad i did.
because i went for camp with that,
RAH STOP WASTING MY TIME attitude,
and im glad i came out a changed person (:

starting to appreciate the people around me more.
yes and im starting to see people for their good points, and not their bad points.

anyway im kinda feeling numb now, not much of feelings concerning the problem i have.
guess the pain will come again when i see them.

rah, but ive really did all i could.
and its not my fault some people are just so heartless.
if ive done my best,
at least i'll have no regrets and not feel guilty.
i have no right to dictate the choices that other people make.
and i dont want to dictate either.

from now on i shall learn to appreciate.

anyway,
there's an incentive for me to go to class now. hahahaha.
leelee. (:

CHOIR LATER.
and im wearing my dunman high uniform.
super duper excited okay.
i never wear it for more than a year already!

yep and the first choir prac of the year, im so excited!
but i'll be late cos of my stupid gse assessment.
its at 1500, and choir starts at 1500.
what the hell right.
den i cant act as a retarded year 1 already.
i hope the gse thingy takes only like 15mins?
dont waste my time lol.

going to camp from tmr to sat,
which means missing choir pracs again. wth la!
):

im in class now btw.
haha, which explains why i can blog.

. .... ...
those are words i'll never say.

uh lalala.
got so many questions in my head.
now i know what people mean by not thinking too much.
i used to think its impossible.
but now,
just learn to push negative thoughts away when you start thinking about them.
look on the bright side and try not to be negative.
think of happy stuff instead of upsetting things.
yeah.
and im learning to do all that.
am i still your cf? or is she yours now?
but still cant help feeling that things will never be the same.
it'll be a test of my determination later,
i hope i can do it.
rah.

**
this time its done,
never feel the same.
but we had some good times,
guess its sad just the same.

i guess the truth
doesnt matter some how,
but you were living proof,
of what love is about.

cool song right, heh. JONATHAN LEONG sang it hahaha (:

**
sometimes im really sad when people keep saying im a year0 (year-1 for last year).
cos its like,
we're all the same batch what!
i came in at the same time as them.
why arent i a year1?

its like isabelle can command respect from the year1s last year.
they dont insist that she's a junior,
in fact,
they think of a her as a senior.
why cant they do the same for me?
):

so sad lo!
being ip doesnt mean im immature.
in fact,
im considered very mature in ip okay.

):

i belong with the year twos la!
stop calling me a year zero.

**
okay random rantings i know.

i cant help remembering my 'brothers'.
from last year.
its rather saddening that i lost them,
just because of a wrong move i took.
sad.
the pain is still there.
i still miss the friendship i had with them.
but they'll never come back.
which is sad.
and that is why i dont want to regret again.
sigh.

you dont even know all these do you.

**

i kinda dislike you. no wait, i hate you.
dont bother to ask me who the person is.
you all dont know one.

**
i think my classmates are cute.
hahaha.

everything's better now.
people are heartless i know,
but still, dont think so much and it'll be much better.

uh was reading wan ting's blog, and she talked about thinking about memories with friends.
and how they'll just bring a smile to your face naturally.
and coincidentally,
i was thinking about all the fun outings i had with the triplets.
cos i was looking at the photo i have of the four of us, which is hung on the wall at the foot of my bed. haha.
yeah and i spent about 15-30mins just sitting like a retard and thinking about our outings.
and it gave me a really warm and fuzzy feeling.
and of course, it brought a smile to my face.
haha no matter what, i still love the triplets. (:
i remember one of our first outings, the airport one. and it's really interesting how we came to get to know each other so well. haha.



cool picture right:D LOVE YALL (:

that was taken during caroling haha.

stupid wf and is favourite face. haha notice yizha in the background?

lol xy smiles retardedly, cute la uh. lol!

haha anyway, who can forget? my gang! i love them man, seriously. they rock. yes and our happy times? too many to even recount everyone of them hahaha. yes i must really really treasure the times spent with them this year, cos they're leaving already. ):

haha i love huggy photos (:

yeah my shell station! (:

LOVE THE CHOIR PEOPLE. ((:

haha anyway, okay i admit that im not fat. but still, my thighs are a bit out of proportion. cos its fatter than what it should be. the photo above shows it all! ):

anyway, went to crash guowei's og with alicea just now. it was some og from icaras haha. the people are quite friendly :D we went to some random person's house for pizza cos apparently his og ordered too much pizza, so it was free pizza for us! (: heh anyway i had fun with them, feel so comfortable omg. its great being a senior, cos you just dare to talk in front of everyone. yay orientation this year was quite interesting. i just LOVE being a senior (:

yep hope to crash suntec later. going with the choir people (: yep. im at wan ting's house now btw hahaha. if not how i blog?!

okay happy post today haha. ciao people! ((:

RAH.

super irritated.

RAH RAH RAH.

why is it that im the only one who bothers.

accept things for what they are?

yeah ive gotta learn to do that.

ive tried my best.

if youre so heartless.

you know what? i can do the same.

what i predicted all came true.

feel like slammig people.

but i shall grow up and be a nice person (:

RAH.

im still bloody irritated.

i wonder if you feel any sense of guilt.

i bet you dont.

cos youre heartless.

you know that?

esp when it comes to me.

RAH.

i still cant help thinking about it.

it stays at the back of my mind all the time.

i cant believe that im losing everything.

ive tried to be nice.

and i will continue trying,

but everything that goes on in my head,

will be for myself to know.

was reminded of the vahalla cheer,

FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL.

hahaha year 1s will know the true meaning of this.

**

on a lighter note,

new year resolutions!

want to write them down so that i can review them next year (:

1) study harder and depend on myself for my homework.

2) do consistent work.

3) dont fall asleep in class.

4) improve on my singing.

5) be more tolerant.

6) treasure all my year1 friends.

7) improve on my character.

8) be a friendlier person.

9) speak up in class.

10) be more involved in ip.

haha ok i cant think of any more.

**

i still cant help but be irritated.

RAH.

she's forever the nice girl.

and im the bad unreasonable wilful young kid.

shant keep harping on it,

in case i get slammed again.

im just glad that i have people behind me who are there to listen to me complain.

feel tempted to write something. but i wont.

control maymay (:

im really glad to have my clique.

really really.

at least i still have them.

no matter how much everything hurts,

at least i still have them.

i need my shell station man.

its like everyone else knows what i should do.

in fact, i know what i should do.

but saying it is much easier than doing it.

RAH,

im irritated and confused and hurt.

believe you? my ass.

**

anyway, i had a terrific new year countdown,

duper fun minus the underlying hurt and pain.

it feels good to be able to sing during the first few minutes of the new year.

its a good feeling. (:

a good sign that i'll continue singing.

yay.

ip2's gonna be so stressful and hectic.

enjoy the freedom while it lasts.

yeah and i'll be crashing o1 later! mass dance yay (:

**

irritating freaks.

superficial traitors.

bet you all dont know who im talkng about (:

ciao people. and wait a long time for me to blog again.

my comp is SEVERELY spoilt.

im in school btw if you havent figured hahaha.

i never knew how terrible it was to suddenly lose your loved ones .

a line the struck me hard in the movie, Confessions of Pain.

i lost what i shouldnt have lost.
what exactly did you lose anyway?
is that really the case?

perhaps its something that should have been lost since long ago.
just that we had forced it to stay ours.

i thought i could do it.
but i realised that i couldnt.
it hurt too much.

i spend every single moment thinking of what i had lost,
and if i had made the right decision to do that.

it hurts so so so much.
but when i remember how much more you had hurt me,
i start to think that maybe i had made the right decision.
but still, it hurts that things had to come to this.

the next few days will be a test of my determination.
ytd was terrible for me. the acting, the laughing, the faking that everything was fine.
in a sense i feel a sort of release from this situation.
but it hurts that i had to lose such an important thing to me just to solve this problem.

i dont see anything wrong about disliking people.
afterall, we had never been good friends.
but so many people lash out at me,
and say that its wrong.
so i do what's right.
right for everybody,
but not for me.

i need the support and reassurance that i made the right choice.
for i am starting to doubt my decision.
my resolve might crumble any moment,
but i dont want to return to the life i used to live.
and that was to guess, and worry, and to feel neglected.
perhaps youre right. you dont deserve my concern.

but still,
i miss our friendship.
):

heartache.
that's all i can say.

im losing you, all of you.

and im told that my job is to not control it,
to let you all go.
it's something i have to learn to do.
and it's hard.
the pain it's causing me, it's unbearable.

im trying to do what's right.
'you feel right because you did something right,
you dont do something right just because you feel right.'

it's hurts so much.
that aching pain in your heart.
but i shall learn to control what i do.
'dont let your feelings control your actions.'

i wonder,
when i wasnt around,
did you all even wish that i was around?

there are so many questions that i wanna ask,
but somehow, i feel that isnt right for me to ask you anymore,
for you are no longer my close friend.
you're someone else's close friend now.
you talked through the night with her.
im not jealous, ive gone past that stage already.
its just that when i heard that that had happened,
i suddenly felt so distant from you.
like you were no longer my close friend.
i guess i was wrong to even treat you as my best friend.
whatever it is, perhaps its time for all of us to move on.

and you, i heard you singing that song with her.
guess its the same thing for you.

why has things come to this stage?

another clique is forming.
a clique that i detest.
but will have to accept no matter what.
because it is my job to compromise and let them make their own friends.
to not control them.
to just let go.

there are so many spiteful things that i can say.
and yet, i realise,
what for? why make yourself and the people around you miserable?
just contain the misery to yourself.
and then look for the shell station to pump it all out.
thanks shell station.

the picture is still there. as my phone's mini wallpaper and as my msn display picture.
i wonder what happened to us. are we drifting apart?
or is it the introduction of new people?

it pains me to see us in this state.
and i hate it that i cant control my feelings.
i hate it that i always throw tantrums.
i dont want to. why havent i changed?
guess its not as easy as i thought it was.

**

xmas. it's something that never mattered to me.
but this year, it did. (:

recieved lotsa cards from people. yes, and some esp heartwarming messages from my close friends (:
xmas is a period of caring and sharing, yes and some people really touched my heart :D

carolling brought us all closer together in some way or another. and brought some of us apart. but still its an experience that i would never forget.

yes and the grand reunion was WOAH. as i was standing there with all the seniors and fellow choir mates. i really felt very warm and fuzzy inside. and i was really glad to be part of this big victoria family. and that sense of pride i felt when i was singing with everyone, its indescribable. the sound we produced, its like so heavenly and awe-inspiring. yes. its at times like these when i realise that i do love vj choir. (:

yes and i got to talk to a few year twos today. mainly weijie, jonathan gan and jeremy yeo. guess they're like the few year twos im relatively close to. got to hug them today yay! :D haha take care you guys and dont ever forget me alright! (:

**

RAH. i hate it when im made to be a big baddie or something.
argh.
shoo.

**

interesting new phrase:
im your shell station; refill your happiness.

thank you shell station :D

have you ever felt like all the people that were important to you were slowly slipping away?
and that to their eyes you are just being unreasonable?

have you ever wondered how things could hurt so much that it scares you?
and how the people who hurt you so much could go on laughing?

have you ever felt heartache?

**

my comp's still screwed. writing in wordpad now. let's see if internet explorer will be nice to me. if you can see this in my blog, it means internet explorer was nice. lol.

today was a relatively fun day.

sops sounded better today, for some weird reason. we were more blended. yes and i was more on form, not as sucky as ytd. but i feel my voice going =/ probably because of the clam chowder?
yes the first session at ritz was quite soft. the sound was alright, but we were just plain soft. yeah the second session was much better. we sounded much louder and much more energetic :D yeah. except for the screwed up we wish you, i basically enjoyed myself during the second session. yes and a lot of seniors came back today. which was cool. it's been some time since ive seen such a big choir. not that we were very big, but it's just that its much bigger than the usual number. so during the third session, we were all blasting. about 1/4 into the third session, it started raining, and it was really ironic cos when the session started, i was thinking that we were lucky that it wasnt raining-.- yeah so we were moved into this small shelter. and so we werent as impressive. which was quite a sad thing cos we were really quite loud. ): i was hoping we would get more tips. lol. but whatever it is, it was fun :D

yes and i had fun talking to some of the seniors. its great to see some of my crapping partners again (: yes and i talked to some year3s, like just a bit of crap talk. was feeling quite happy about it cos hey its not everyday you see year3s. im such a friendly junior :D

yay just recieved two christmas cards. from shiyun and from yuting. a big thank you! :D

anyway, i wanna say thank you to the people who care. at least you all bother to ask about me.

and there is one person whom i can say is my best friend now, thanks for always tolerating me. i shall try to change. you mean a lot to me and yeah sorry for always giving you shit. youre a nice person and a nice friend. thank you. you know who you are.

i hope this post gets onto my blog =/

[edit] it did (:

was thinking about quite a few things.

i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.

and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.

went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme

was thinking about quite a few things.

i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.

and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.

went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme

i dont like to feel sad.
and unhappy.
but sometimes you just realise you dont really mean much to anyone.

although you've always known that all along, but sometimes you just try not to believe it.
and when you are forced to accept it, it really feels very bad. sigh.

i know i shouldnt be feeling sad, but i cant help it.

sigh.

life is boring.


it's sad to feel unloved and uncared for.

hello people.

my computer is so screwed. it's even dismantled -.- and no one in my family bothers to fix it lol. so dont blame me for not updating my blog :D

hmm. the musical was great. :D fantastic wheehee.

malacca was great too. it was fun for me and i learnt a lot of things, be it for singing or for friendships and such.

im so gonna miss this batch of choir people. i really love them, and it wasnt easy for us to get to know each other this well and for us to get this comfortable with each other. i'm really gonna miss you guy next year when yall leave. please please go to pattaya alright :D

anyway, the choir clique's expanding :D the year zeros are joining us now. and some more people are starting to join us, like fran and heli :D the malacca trip really bonded us together (:

anyway, my homework's rather screwed, taking my time to read all the books. ah they're quite boring, but i'll pull through.

more choir pracs to look forward to (: yay. and i feel im really improving significantly. a great big thanks to the many people who have been encouraging me and teaching me :D

friendships are delicate things, and it takes a lot of time and effort to maintain it. but it really feels great when you reap what you sow :D and something someone told me makes sense, you must feel like you've got to know a person better after a fight, if not it defeats that purpose. im glad that im nearly always able to patch up with my friends after a big fight, and it makes us become better friends. thank goodness for that :D

i miss my class, esp movie marathons! :D meet up soon alright (:

anyway, i think im really gonna see the choir everyday for the rest of this holiday. lol. (:

at danny's house now btw, which explains why i can use the computer. wahahaha.

i shall disappear for another long period of time. ciao :D

due to popular demand, i shall blog now.

hmm. im at rayrin's house. lol, which explain's why i can blog(my comp's still spoilt).

yep so anyway, i went to try a quiz that shuwei, oliver, wan ting and dawn did. lol. it's really rather accurate.

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
that's what many people think of me. lol. i think.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
quite true. lol that's provided i fall in love.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
hmm that depends cos i havent met the right person yet.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
VERY VERY VERY true. wahaha. im a mugger what.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
that is true too. lol.

How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
hmm, i used to think success was everything. but im starting to doubt that. so maybe it's true to an extent.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
that is quite true. about the showing anger part. lol.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
quite true. lol look ppl, im mature, reasonable and honest. wahaha.

~~

im quite sick of choir pracs recently. quite tiring. everyday 9am. cool ah.

hmm, its interesting that the year zeros are joining us now. lol i really feel like a senior. yay, MAY THE SENIOR :D

uhhuh, im tired. tired. tired. blah.

sian. i really shouldnt have done all the read between the lines. argh! now the whole world knows. and rayrin and xianyong found out today too. SUCKS.

ok i shall go play mahjong now since xianyong wants to surf the net.

dont expect another entry from me anytime soon.

BYE.
i told you. no more read between the lines. shoo!

alright, so i havent been blogging cos my comp's spoilt, again.

yeah, so i dont think ill have regular updates anymore.

no more read between the lines.

bye people (:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUPING.
the love of your life so nice right ;D

im happy today! :D see huping it's your loss for not joining us. hahaha, no la. what matters is that you had fun today yeah (:

oohhoo. im happy! happy happy happy :D i think i have nice friends wahaha.
i l y.
shant say more lalala.

im playing the role of young eponine.
who grows up to become eponine.
and i tell you, i am destined to be eponine.
i have the fate of eponine.

'if he asked,
i'll be his..'

so. was supposed to go swimming today hahaha. but dint! we went to shixuan's house, and in the end it was so cloudy we decided not to swim. aw sad. so we went to play cards. yeap. haha quite dumb la. and we watched jerrold suan dawn like siao hahahaha. yeah so we decided to go to yuting's house to watch movies since we werent swimming anymore. yeah, so we walked from shixuan's house to parkway. like O.O! lol.

met wan ting and yizha at parkway and proceeded to yuting's house together. lol yeah they were suaning jerrold like mad on the bus la, and being the nice me, i dint really join in hahaha. im so nice right :D
im happy to just be beside you.
yeah after that we walked a LONG way to yuting's house. yeap. watched billy elliot and HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL! hahaha. billy elliot was.. ok la. lol, high school musical was nice :D as always haha. yeap and we played mahjong too. i won two times! haha im on a lucky streak today man. yay. uhhuh so that's basically my day. lol dint do much actually la.
i know you care.
im wondering what we're gonna do tmr. hmm. huping's not going out with us lo. hahaha.

see. youre always like that.

what gives you the right to take it out on me just because youre troubled. im not your punching bag that you can insult just to relieve stress alright.

i dont uds why im still so nice to you. argh. freak man i really was quite irritated.

sorry cant solve everything.

there was choir today. hah.
you made me sad.
my dearest poh wan ting was freaking late again as usual. well we were supposed to meet at 1130 to go and buy our tops but YET, she woke up at 1130. hahaha. so we met at 1230 instead. i waited for ONE HOUR for poh wan ting ok! LOL. yeah so she owes me a kiss now(:

yeah so we spent some quality time together, talked about a few things hahaha. not like PRIVATELY intimate things la. but it was kinda like a sharing session. hahaha see wan ting loves me. no matter what she says. uh yeah. haha so we bought our tops. wan ting and me are wearing matching tops for the factory worker scene YAY. :D yeah so we ate lunch and then went back to vj. ohh we saw an albino during lunch! freaking cool i tell you, his eyelashes were WHITE! omg right. i think being an albino's cool, but quite poor thing too, there's definitely a lot of staring everywhere you go. which is quite irritating i think.

yeah after that we went for choir. aye they cheated my feelings la! debbie said on mon that we might have carolling prac today, in the end she say dont have! )): damn sad i brought my carolling book somemore, so heavy la! was looking so forward to having carolling prac alright. sighh. ooh yeah so we did musical today. hmm i think its tiring to do the musical. yeah. after that we did il coro for a while. it felt so great to sing il coro after singing all those crappy musical songs alright wahaha :D
why are you being so cold again?
yeap anyway, i finally know my carolling group! wan ting, shuwei, yizha, oliver, martin, wayne, xianyong and possibly yuting will be in my carolling group. YAY (: huping was supposed to be here too, aww he got switched with jeremy gan. sad right! ): nevermind, at least my group's nice, ANNDD, we're going ritz! YAY. double YAY la. hahaha. :D i hope there'll be no more shuffles! LOL. hope everything stays. dont change le lol!
be nice to me please?
uhhuh so after choir i went with yuting wan ting and jerrold to eat bak kut teh. haha they ate other stuff, but it felt so good to eat bak kut teh after so long alright. i love bak kut teh! :D yeah so had quite a lot of fun talking to them. we were talking about babies, and husbands and all those stuff. haha rather interesting yeah, laughed a lot la :D

i wanna go out tmr! feel a bit like mugging hahaha. cos i feel that i really needa revise on my stuff and to catch up with whatever i am lagging behind. yes finish my homework too. i need tuition for maths la. sigh i always wonder why i am so dumb when it comes to maths. zzz. ooh i need to study my sciences too. improve on them lol. yeah. mugger may! :D

gosh. i cant believe i just spent like 3hours ++ playing shopmania. hahaha see this is what you get when you download a game just because you're bored. i played until my wrist is aching and my fingers are numb from clicking. and i should actually be sleeping now. ok i guess im too energetic now cos i slept such a humongous lot today hahaha. i shouldnt keep sleeping uh. cos then i'll be a pig. and im not one. hahaha. this reminds me of the time when the triplets called me 'zhu'. hahaha. they even bought me a pink pig keychain. aww so sweet right. it's still on my handphone :D wahaha. but that's not the point. uhh. so now im blogging about how much my fingers and hands are aching. my lovely nice pretty fingers. hahaha. i should do some exercises for my hands uh. loosen up the muscles yeah baby.

so, i spent all my time at home basically cross stitching and playing the computer. hardly did anything constructive. oh yeah speaking of cross stitching, im so proud of myself! i finally finished the cross stitch from last year! (: waha slow but at least i finished it. my sister's not even 3/4 done with hers hahaha. yeah. and yes i slept. whee. it feels so good to be able to slack huh. finding time for oneself is very important (:

my room is in SUCH a huge mess now i totally dont even want to turn around to look at it. see im such a procrastinator. i know i should clean up my room, and i want to, but im to lazy to do it. blah. i hate dirty and messy places. but i just cant help it. BLAH.

oh yeah im not even sleepy now hahaha basically typing a crap post. hmm, what should i wear for choir tmr? hahaha. what a bimbo question. but that's what i always ask myself. hmm. shall think uhh.
thinking of you :D
ok so can anyone tell im in a good mood today? hahaha. shall keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking. puts me in a good mood lalala. im happy with the situation now. i know it'll change. but just let me be happy with it? wahaha. haha. hahaha. (: cant help being in a good mood sorry. hahaha. let's just hope tmr will be fine yeah. i hope my mood wont go down again. cos i realise that 50% of the time im always in a bad mood during choir =/ i cant help it you know, i want to be in a good mood too. but sometimes, things just happen to put me in a bad mood. blahh.

im not exactly like, darn excited about the musical. im more excited about malacca and carolling hahaha. let's just hope i dont get my period in malacca. cos having your period when youre overseas is one of the worst things that can happen. ): uhhuh. let's just hope and hope hahaha. carolling will be fun. lol. i miss singing competition songs though. lol that's why i like to sing il coro so much, even though its like so freaking high. blah. the jap song sucks, but still, it's a competition song at least haha. i miss the italy songs. ): and i was thinking about sov too. i miss our choreo. it was really darn fun! (: miss dancing with martin too hahaha. he was really a great dance partner :D yay ip power!

uhhuh. there's tons of homework to be completed if im not wrong. what chinese project etc etc. crap la. one more year and chinese will be OVER for me! yay. but im fine with chinese anyway, i dont exactly do VERY badly for it yepyep. im still worried about maths. ): ive been worried about maths since sec2 luh! how sad. i wonder why my maths is so lousy when my sciences are so good. that's weird man. i shall TRY HARDER for maths. yes yes listen in class more attentively and all that.
i love my ring tone, zha zha zha zha chu zhou lub chou la ja ja ja zhao zha zha zha zhao.
oh anyway, i need props for the musical. so far, i havent managed to get a prostitute accessory (furry fan/mary poppins umbrella/lacey hanky). anyone has? please lend me! (: yeap and i still need to buy a top to complete my outfits lol. i dont really like all my outfits for les mis. abit the revealing uh. sigh. dont like dont like. ):
i shall think positive. hughughug.
ok this is enough crap for you people to put up with lol. tmr going with wanting to buy my lacey top. yeap so i shall catch up on MORE beauty sleep wahaha. (: cya people!

was just browsing through althea's flickr.

uh see, this is why i hate althea. humph.


anyway, did i tell yall, that i absolutely LOVE dove amicelli? omg it is simply heaven. yeah.
now you know what to get me for.. um.. CHIRSTMAS wahaha.
ily. ily. ily. :D
i think i am a meanie pok.

its been a few days since i last blogged. lol, miss me? xD

anyway, life's been fine nowadays. ive decided to drop RM. hope im not making the wrong decisions. hmm.

yeah, i shall forgive and forget. what for keep holding a grudge just for my face? saving a friendship is more important i guess. anyway, you're dumb cos you dont even know im talking about you ><

anyway, its been getting better. hahaha. somehow its not so distant now. the 'it' is another totally different matter btw hahaha. i hope this lasts. although i know it wont, but ah i shall just treasure it for now. maybe those days will come back. hahaha, april :D

i wonder if anyone knows what im talking about. so vague ><

yeahh i know my carolling group already. basses not comfirmed yet, but i really really hope that my group will be the bitchy group (i.e. have hp and yizha and oliver hahaha), sigh no jerr. that's sad. and no yuting, that's sad too. ): NO RAYRIN. even sadder. ahhh.

nevermind carolling will be fun anyway, martin's conducting! YAY :D ohh there's carolling prac tmr anyway hahaha. its been a long time. anyway, people, buy tickets from me leh!

i just got that RM email from mr teo, said i got into the second round, and now its up to the SMP to approve. hmm i should be feeling happy now? but im not exactly.. urgh. was starting to think whether it would be a bad choice to apply for SMP, cos i seriously dunno if i can commit. i hope it doesnt clash with choir =/ see i dont like troublesome things and the SMP is really troublesome. and youknow what, i really hate doing projects. and SMP will just be ANOTHER imagineering, although of course SMP will be more interesting and more useful. eurgh. shant think about it. i just hope i dont give up on SMP.

**

i just spent an hour and a half reading through our past msn convos, and memories came flooding back. i kinda forgotten all about you this past week or so, and i was just seriously SO dumb to go and read the saved msg convos.

'anyway, i wont hate you la!
haha
why you think that way'
'lol just think that way la'
'must have faith in me
im your good friend'

'i still remember what you said the other day
wad wo xuan ze le ni
LOL that was hilarious la'
'oh lol
trying to make some link ma
also to cheer you up'

'im really glad to have you as a friend
hope nothing changes'
'yay i managed to get you to say it a 2nd time'
'eh arent you thankful you have me as a friend too'
'yeah im doubly thankful'

'i dun take it to heart cos i know you like me alot'
'HUMPH
i like you alot
but you dont like me alot
SEEE'
'i like you alot la'

'u gotta trust me can'
'i dont
so how?'
'gotta learn how to'

'because i expect you to go ma
and look forward to seeing you'
'i also look forward to seeing u what. im sad too'

'do you like me alot?'
'yes if not i wouldnt regard you as my close fren'

'i can uds why i like you alot
but i dont uds why you like me alot'
'then why you like me alot'
'because youre very nice?'
'i like u alot cuz u can cheer me up and make life happier for me
and oso i find it very easy and comfortable to talk to you'

'will you ever dislike me?
i scared
i dont want our friendship to change
i like it the way it is now'
'thr's only one ans to it as for now
i cant say i will dislike you'
'i dont uds'
'lol
im your close fren
just bear in mind that'

'i treasure my frens
unless they dont treasure me'
'i treasure you leh
you should be honoured'

'i'll learn to cherish you as a friend (:'
'dont worry la we'll learn to cherish'

'haha did you have fun today?'
'i really had fun la'
'ok that's good :D'
'then did u have fun?'
'haha
was very fun'

that's just some exerpts of what we said to each other last time. HA. how ironic to look back and to compare it with the situation now. where did all the 'treasuring', 'cherishing', 'i wont dislike you la' go to? its really sad you know. when i read through our past convos, i realised that you did care for me. but i guess it doesnt apply anymore. sigh. its rather sad to lose something that i really wanted to keep. i guess my worst fears came true. sigh. im really miss our friendship back then, i wonder who had changed. is it me or is it you? or maybe it was just the both of us, or maybe we both just got sick of each other.

but then, i realise that what you SAY doenst tally with what you do. i bet you dont miss our friendship at all. and i was thinking, maybe you SAID you cared, but you didnt in actual fact. sigh. i dont like guessing games. and i guess i was quite stupid to have read the convo, cos it just made me miss our friendship. sigh.

i know it'll be a long time before you read this thing. and im wondering if you would even feel anything upon reading this post. i bet you will just think im being emo again. sigh.

this is an emo post. blah.
'but hey i dont mind being best friends'. ):

sometimes i get so weird,
i even freak myself out.

**

uh. boring boring boring.

i am SUCH a procrastinator.

ive been telling myself that i needa mug, but im in a slacker mood now. and what's worse, after the o levels are over, i'll be even more slack, cos it'll be carolling time, and teaparty time, and malacca time, and concert time.

bleah. i should make full use of this week to mug a little, tidy up my room etc.

but im just simply too lazy.

i meant to do it today, but yet i came online, and there's absolutely nothing to do online, so guess what? i went to download a game. x.x im being so retarded seriously.

BLAH.
ive decided that i cant click with cat high guys.
**

im not missing you.
goodbye to you.

these songs are playing in my zen,
guess im trying to psycho myself.

this is really funny hahahahaha.

Ripped from huping's blog.

One. Think of 15 short bits of interesting stuff about yourself. And they've gotta be true.
Two. Come up with 5 false statements regarding yourself, but for fun's sake keep them in the threshold of believability.
Three. Jumble them all up together and list them in any order.
Four. Post them on your blog and let people guess which the five false ones are!
Five. Get 5 others to do the same.

1. i like to pluck guys' leg hair.
2. i like skinny guys.
3. i dont like anyone now.
4. i dont believe in love.
5. i think that kids are horrible things.
6. ive never dated before.
7. i love hugs.
8. ive never had a single nosebleed.
9. my psl aggregate was 261, with 2As and 2A*s
10. ill only marry a guy who can sing.
11. i love sports.
12. i think wearing contacts are uncomfortable.
13. ive been singing for six years already.
14. i hated choir when i was in primary school.
15. i hate chocolate.
16. my favourite colour is purple.
17. my favourite disney princess is sleeping beauty.
18. i think that arts enslaves and science liberates.
19. i just want to be happy.
20. i think yul is super cute.

im not tagging anyone haha. but people, do try to guess which are the false ones. tag on my tagboard! (:

ok, so indieventure's over. finally.

yeah i really wanna thank ian and yiling for the hard work they put in last night to complete our slide presentations and the ads. yes, they hardly slept at all if im not wrong. thanks so much yeah (:

anyway, we presented today, and it was alright. i mean, seeing as it being something that was done in one night. i really think we did fine. we dint get into the finals, and i guess ian was a bit upset cos he thought that his effort was kinda wasted. hmm, ian dont be sad already right! we appreciate all your hard work (:

yes today, i realised that im not very involved in ip. im not even helping out for the symposium. i dunno if its a good or bad thing to not be involved, i kinda feel left out of everything. sometimes i think i shouldnt be so 'unenthu' about ip. afterall, im gonna be here for only a year more, and i should really appreciate the times spent in the ip. maybe i should have a more 'go for it' attitude, instead of saying, 'aiya heck la' all the time. hmm, i guess one of my new year resolutions will be to improve my attitude. yes, i shall TRY to be more enthu. but i know myself, i'll give up trying soon after that. haii. see that's the problem with me. im lazy, lazy to change the parts of myself that i know are imperfect. nevermind, i'll see what happens. i'll still try..

anyway, was reading the choir people's blogs. haha most of them blogged about the trip to dawn's house. hahaha. it was really fun, thanks dawn! (: anyway i think vjchoir's full of himbos and bimbos, except me of course (: im too intellectual to be a bimbo please. hahaha. yeah i really have fun with these people sometimes, love you guys :D

anyway, i know i get moody very easily sometimes, and that's very bad, for i'll just give everybody the black face. i know i shouldn't show my feelings so outright.. but yeah most of the time when i get moody, i dont even care about what others feel. sigh. i really should try to hide my emotions more.

i think i have a lot of flaws in my character, but i cant seem to change them. sigh, maybe i'm too used to behaving this way because i grew up like this. i think i've really matured a lot this year. on the same day last year, i wouldnt think that i had so many flaws and imperfections, and i wouldnt be able to see my weaknesses so clearly. sigh.
haizy.
i hope next year will be a better year, for this year has really been a year with a lot of troubling times for me, especially at the beginning of the year. yes. hope people (:

MY INDIEVENTURE'S SCREWED.

tmr is the presentation, and our concept, presentation and scripts are not out yet. great.

hello people.

indieventure's started.

my project's quite fun actually, but then. its rather tedious. i kinda hate doing projects. uh. hate it hate it. and i hate presenting. =/

oh well today was alright la. rather irritating at some points, but it was bearable. uhhuh.

was thinking a lot today. hmm.
thinking of you mainly.
oh and anyway, im really tired. tired of everything. bleah.
im craving for your hug, can you hug me again?
anyway ive realised that ive been through a lot this year. nevermind let's hope next year will be a better year. (:

here's an advert,

LE MISERABLES
VJ PT
1st DEC 2006
7.30pm
tickets priced at 12bucks.
free seating.

please do try to come! (:

ok so let me continue from my previous post.

yeap so after that guowei came, and we decided to watch.. THE OTHERS! it's this supposedly horror movie. but it wasnt very horrorful, and it wasnt very scary. the story line is cool though, and the twist at the end is so unexpected! (: its quite a good movie la. i love nicole kidman! yeap.

after that elroy came! yippee yay. yep so we watched charlie and the chocolate factory. i never watched it before anyway hahaha. its not too bad la. oh and we were folding cranes out of the gold foil from ferrero rocher. haha. quite cool, wonder if althea took a picture.

yep after that we had our dinner. (: althea's house the meals all quite nice haha. we had fried rice just now, yep with a few vegetables. uhhuh. talked quite a big during the meal. it was nice (: haha, before i left we took a few group shots too. not bad la! haha. hope althea posts it up soon :D

yeap, im quite thankful for having 06v11 as a class, we're really a nice class! the people are nice and we're quite bonded haha. im happy. (: lucky we bonded early, and now we still have one more year to enjoy the bondedness. yay. hope nothing else happens.

i realised ive learnt a lot this year. valuable lessons that cannot be learned elsewhere. and yes i've learnt how to appreciate. maybe i havent learnt how to cherish, but at the very least, i know how to appreciate. and i know how to look at the bright side of life, even though i've learnt not to be naive. sounds complicated yeah. haha. (:

oh i really gotta thank althea! thanks so much for opening up your house these two days, its been really fun! (: we did simple things but it had been fun all the same. wahaha. yes and thanks for all the food. i think we ate quite a lot of stuff at your house hahaha. hope we have more such sessions next time (x

i know you,
i know you from once upon a dream.

hello people.

im at althea's house now. wahaha. disney princesses woots! (: super nice. we've watched sleeping beauty, little mermaid and cinderella so far. no idea what we're gonna watch later.. perhaps aladdin (: waha.

the music is so nice. ok so anyway i had a great lunch, super nice and filling wahaha. let's see, we ordered hawaiian pizza, and althea's NICE mum cooked sphaghetti for us (: its really nice yay. later we're gonna have fried rice. hahaha.

i sat on the massage chair for like one hour. think im suffering from side effects now. =/ my muscles are aching more than before i sat on the chair hahaha. yep anyway i love the disney princess music! (: so dreamy and lovely. whee.

oh we played mahjong too. wahaha. i dint win ): but nevermind it was fun!

althea's going down to fetch guowei now, elroy just left. lol. hope there'll be more people next time. yep.

yay i think althea's coming up now. off to more movies!

im dreaming of our own fairytale (:

you know what?

youre such a sucker. ive had enough of you. ive tried my best to the best and most supportive friend you can ever have. perhaps ive tried too hard, and you're just taking me for granted.
if you dont care about whatever that's happening to me, fine. 'whatever im not interested'. have you any idea how much it hurt me? i care so much for you, but to you, im just a nobody whom you dont care two hoots about.

ive always thought you were a nice and thoughtful guy. well you've proved me wrong. this is not the first time you've hurt me. it sucks to know that ive judged a person wrongly, but at least, i can comfort myself by knowing that im not continuing this one-sided friendship anymore. i've told you so many times about how i feel. i bet you've never cared. and i was stupid to think that i could change you.

youre such a self-centred person. your world is just filled with her. your friends dont matter to you at all. so much for trying to change you, so much for trying to be a good friend, so much for the whole cfs thing. i tried to make you care for your friends, i've realised that it will never work. you dont care about others, you only care about yourself. you only care about your own feelings. 'its not that i dont care, its just that ive got other priorities'. that's bullshit i tell you, B U L L S H I T.

thanks, for making me realise that ive wasted my time and effort.
thanks, for letting me save myself from wasting my time next year.
thanks, for letting me realise what a lousy friend is.
thanks, for letting me see what you're really like.

thanks ah.

i know that when you read this, you'll probably roll your eyes and think that im over-reacting.

and you know what? this time round, im not caring. im not even expecting an apology from you. im not expecting anything from you anymore. thanks for relieving me of this burden, of being obliged to care for you. of course, i dont deny that i will still care for you, i cant help it. but i'll get used to knowing that i dont and never had your friendship. and maybe i'll stop caring for you soon.

maybe we'll be superficial friends, ive gotta see you for two more years anyway. who knows.

btw, forget the whole cfs thing, we were never good friends anyway.

HELLO PEOPLE.

went swimming today. wahaha. and i watched princess hours! hahaha. so we watched the sweet parts only (: we skipped all the boring parts, where the old tarts talked. hahaha. I LOVE SHIN. shin is absolutely cool. OMG. (:

so, alicea arrived VERY late. and then we went to swim (: yep swam a few laps, den we played some games, like finding the goggles, crocodile, mr wolf etc. hahaha. in the end we just sat down and gossiped and talked hahaha. it was rather fun. yes and i got a NICE DEEP tan. wheehee! i kinda look like an indian, but the tan is really not bad (: YAY.
this brings back memories of us. :D
after that we played a bit of mahjong. but i can feel like im falling sick. aww sad ): i feel hot all over my body. and there's a bit of a headache. blah i dont wanna fall sick! i still needa sing, and play, and do work. -.- which reminds me, there's still chinese and maths homework to do. im feeling so cold now, and so tired. hahaha swimming tires you out.

uhh after playing mahjong we went to do a makeover for alicea! super cool alright. haha we ended up drawing make up on each other. and we then styled annette's (althea's youngest sister) hair. haha. after that we watched the final episode of goong! whoots. it was super cool yeah. SHIN and the caijing, they're like omg so sweet and cute together! ((: gives you that warm fuzzy feeling when you watch them together haha.

yep after that ate dinner and went home (:

there's disney princess movie marathon tmr! it'll sorta be like a party. haha. we're ordering pizza, and reliving our childhood. elroy and guowei are coming tmr too, hope they dont pangseh! haha. ok im tired. >< shall go and read the MANYMANY books i borrowed from althea (x

oh, and im too lazy to reply my tags alr. haha. people when yall tag dont expect a reply alright (: i still like to see people tag anyway (x oh and grace, my blog very emo meh? :P

hello people!

so, i slacked for the first part of today.
thought about you.
and i did a few things.

half-memorised my scores,
almost completed my cross-stitch,
ironed most of my clothes,
read a bit of narnia.
was hoping to be able to see you too.
uhhuh, went out to meet huping, wan ting and yu ting after that. it was fun. hahaha, walked around, laughed alot and talked. (: yep it was funnnn!

tmr im going to althea's house to watch GOONG. whoots! think we're gonna swim before that, hope the haze's not too bad. ooh and i dint tell my dad that i'm gonna swim, feel so uneasy about that. =/ if he finds out im dead shit. i hate this type of sneaky sneaky feeling. uhh i'd rather tell him and get everything over and done with. den can do everything openly. but still, i dont dare to say =/ bloops.

nevermind, still. GOONG tmr! so exciting (:

and there's disney princess movie marathon on tues. wahaha. the next two days will be spent at althea's hse, then on wed, THERE'LL BE CHOIR! (:
shant keep thinking of you. its bittersweet.
wahaha i love vjchoir! love all the people, although of course i get irritated by some people sometimes, but most of the time, i like them la. (:

im thinking a lot nowadays.

life is so wonderful, sometimes.

but sometimes, it just downright sucks.

but its really an amazing thing, that we all gotta admit.

life in itself is a miracle. have you every wondered how some simple elements can combine together to form life? have you wondered how we can think, and feel and analyse? have you every wondered why some things are not alive? have you ever wondered why you are you, a human, and not an animal? have you ever wondered why you look the way you do, be it pretty or ugly?

there are just so many unanswerable questions in life. the answer is just fate. and its really a miraculous thing. fate is what brings us to meet who we meet in life, and it decides our family, and our friends, and our environment.

its just so fascinating isnt it? ok i know im talking nonsense, but sometimes i just think about this and feel so amazed by how everything works.

nevermind let me talk about something comprehensive hahaha. there was choir today. it was sort of disappointing for me, because i wanted to sing il coro. not everybody was here, so the musical was kinda fei too. ohwell at least we know how to sing all the songs already. the musical will be interesting, what with the many different types of scenes. hahaha. lovely ladies is FUNNEH. i think choir has many talents, and the singers are mostly good. haha. yay love vj choir.

hmm, sometimes im just so fed up with hormones. it makes me do impulsive things. and it makes me think too much. and it makes me feel upset easily. sometimes when im upset, i'll think about the reason, and i realise that the reason is particularly dumb. its just those stupid stuff. ><

you affect me particularly so.

anyway, i just dont understand the whole thing about love. what's so great about it? i think its just overrated. i crave for love myself, every human being does, but i believe that true love doesnt exist. the feeling will fade away. only the commitment is left, and how long this commitment can last depends on the willpower of the individuals. of course, sometimes i wonder how it feels like to find your right one. a person to love, and trust, and to love you. its really sweet isnt it. but with happiness comes troubles, happiness doesnt last. and anyway what makes a relationship strong is the trials that the couple has gone through. i dont believe in true love without quarrels and whatnot. that's just plain puppy love. hmm, sometimes i wonder if i will ever find true love. i guess not. and although im hoping that i will find true love, it wouldnt affect me much if i dont find it. i'm a realistic person, although i do admit i am a romantic at heart. ah how conflicting. hmm, what will come will come i guess. no point rushing into things.

i believe in you. i know i do mean something to you.

so weird why am i talking about L-O-V-E? im supposed to be heartless, or as some people call it, have a heart of steel. hahaha. but then, a really strong fire can still melt steel you know. (: a really really really strong one. (: you will be able to melt it. will you try?

jealousy is a really strong emotion. sometimes i wonder, what's wrong with feeling jealous? everybody feels jealous at some points. what's so bad about feeling jealous? its a sour feeling, but maybe acknowledging it may make you feel better? ah i dont know. i do admit that i keep getting jealous recently, shant say about what. but its a feeling that really manifests quite frequently nowadays. hope it stops soon, cause it doesnt feel good =X its all bec

ause of you.

ah i think im quite possessive. and attention seeking. ): i dont like.

esp when it comes to you.

oh my love language's touch! (: so people, if you wanna make me feel loved, give me more hugs:D guys and girls are all welcome! hahaha, but dont anyhow touch la. that applies for both guys and girls (you never know what girls can do =/). heh. you make me feel so safe and warm when you hug me. that's when i started loving hugs.

i dont like having my emotions control me, but it does pretty much. this is so shit. teenage hood. hormones. EURGH.

i really really really have to learn to cherish. esp when it comes to you.

and be forgiving.

would you still love me in the morning?

forever and ever, babe.

i miss our old times.

you know im such a fool for you.

hello people!

uh, so got back the rest of the results today.
hmm, 4As and 3Cs. sighh.
what extremes man.

lang arts; 59.6
ss; 56
bio; 74.5

im really such a science person.
can i just fast forward to j1? den can skip all the ss and langarts part and all that. AHH. siann!

ok nevermind, i went to dhs after school. dhschoir was.. erm. yeah its not very good. the members a bit.. i feel like saying some things. but shant say. oh well, all i can say is, JIAYOU choir!

uhhuh went with sherry to eat. talked a bit la. and i waited 20+ mins for 67. with my super heavy bag. eurgh. super tired now. there's choir tmr. maybe i'll sleep early.

hmm. i wanna watch GONG! its such a nice show. SHIN is super cool, super cute. whee i love him mans! ((:

im looking forward to choir tmr. hope it'll be fun. il coro's quite nice to sing, and i wanna do the musical songs! yep quite fun all the choreo, and i wanna do carols! whee. ((:

ok im trying to be happy. yepyep. dont worry be happy!

hello everyone (:

ok so today wasnt exactly the best. but it was meaningful nonetheless. yep so the first lesson was CT, it was really meaningful, and it basically summarized all that ive learnt in the IP. i really think that im very priviledged to be in the IP, and to know all these amazing people in my class. sure, there are some people in the cohort that i dont like, but i really do like my class, and im really happy with how things are in class now. we're all nice people and i think we're starting to enjoy the times spent with each other(: we still have one more year together, so people, let's all cherish the times we have left (: yes and then mr boy asked us to affirm some people in the class, yes and i think that it was really meaningful that we are able to recognize each other's strengths and everything. yes. (:

ok after that we went for 'parent trap', which is a theatre forum. uhhuh it was fun(: the warming up sessions were fun. hahaha all the running around and screaming etc. it was really fun! oosh. so after that it was the play. it was cool la, the actors were good, so convincing (: but that daughter was really too rude. yeah but the issues that she was facing were just about the same as mine, just that im not so rude. yeah. hmm guowei's performance was really entertaining. hahaha. yes and i see a likeness between lemuel and yiling. haha they're both so calm! yep.

after that was a talk by some weird speaker. so i hardly listened, was basically sleeping la. my eyes were closing x.x yep. was telling alicea about my family. she was quite shocked, hahaha. 'ive never seen someone who has so little trust in her family.' hmm i dint know i gave her that impression, seriously im fine with my family, just that the tone i use when talking about them isnt very nice. but that's just the way i was brought up la. yep. im fine with my family really.

yep and then there was a break. we were spending some time with the prc scholars analysing the juniors. hahaha. so interesting we're already bitching about them, oops. hahaha. shant say more =/

yeah after that was chem igniculus. hahaha it was retarded la. and then we got back our chem results.
cohort average: 57
no. of distinctions: 21
mean grade for v11: 3.9
mean grade for v12: 5++
mean grade for v13: 5.o
mean grade for v14: 4.5
so cool. 06v11 did the best again. omg it sounds so bigheaded, but we're really smart (: hahaha. i love 06v11! i heard we did the best overall too. owned physics and owned chem. hope we own bio and langarts too. lol and let's hope we dont disappoint ms toh again. =/ oh well. tmr will be a big day. oh i got 69 anyway, if anyone's interested.

uhhuh went to disturb my sister and her 'boyfriend'. LOL, super interesting.

ok so anyway i went home and then i practised il coro. its quite easy actually. x.x but im scared that when it comes to combined we'll not be able to get our note again. bloops. four/five people nia. cannot rely on anyone. poo. yeah but im looking forward to choir pracs. i wanna SING (:

yeah tmr gotta go school early. must reach by 0715. so irritating. blah. and im going back to dhs tmr. yep. hope rhoda's well now. take care dearie, i know you wont see this, but please get well soon (:

hmm.

today, was kinda crap.

haha we were supposed to go treetop walk.

in the end there were just some briefings,

and we watched spirited away.

hahaha. haku and chihiro so sweet! (:

it's like we were awwing and awwing.

haha. too bad they werent together in the end ):

yep so school ended.

went to find rhoda and we had a nice talk,

for close to two hours. (:

we talked about practically everything.

haha, her problems,

my problems,

choir stuffs etc etc.

i love rhoda!

just feeling so glad that im still so close to her after a year (:

sistas rock!

uhhuh, went for choir after that.

the rehearsal for farewell assembly for mrs chan.

yep after that we finished learning il coro.

i wonder if its spelled correctly =/

anyway, point is,

i think soprani part is so cool.

haha. ok the learning part was easy.

but the singing part is quite difficult,

because there's only four of us (shuwei's helping contralti one),

we cant really catch our note.

esp when we come in after the contralti ones come in.

we're always flat

cos we cant catch the note.

x.x

but its quite fun singing sop1 range la.

hahah. easy to blast.

four people sound like MANY people.

lol! yeah, but since there are only four/five people.

i shall have to go and learn my part better.

yeah.

felt really tired after singing high notes for so long,

but tired in a satisfied sort of way (:

i think choir on sat will be cool.

sing the syf songs, and the musical songs,

and hopefully carols.

whee (x

went out with huping and yuting to eat.

went bedok bk. yep huping left soon after.

so i was just left with yuting, who (thankfully) didnt rape me.

hahaha.

talked quite a lot.

it was nice sharing stuffs with her too.

(:

uhhuh. so its like,

i talked a whole lot today.

feel better about lotsa stuff.

which is good i guess.

love my friends (:

yep getting back chem tmr.

i dont know what to expect.

oh i got 70% for chinese btw.

yeah.

anyway,

MR KOH IS LEAVING.

that is SERIOUSLY so saddening! ):

i like mr koh,

he's been a good ip head,

and a good teacher.

in fact,

he's one of the best teachers i've ever had.

i was looking forward to having him teach me again next year,

and he had to leave ):

ok maybe we should all be happy for him,

that he got a promotion,

but still,

i cant help feeling sad that i wont see him anymore.

he's like, the ICON of VIP.

vip will be different without him.

sigh. ohwell,

mr koh, all the best!

hmm.
got back a few of my results.
ok only two.
so irritating,
lol one paper per day.
its like, killing me!
all the anticipation and everything.
bleah.
wanna know my results?
i dont mind sharing.
lol two extremes, x.x
physics: 146/180 (81%)
maths: 54/100

oh well.
chinese tmr, hope i dont screw up.
and the treetop walk is like, postponed.
because of the dumb haze.
how sad! ):
oh well i wonder what we're gonna do tmr.

there's choir tmr.
i dont mind.
haha.
i kinda like learning the new syf song.
cos the soprani part is easy compared to the contralti I part
heh.
im heng.

uhhuh.
been tearing myself up these few days.
im wondering,
if you even care.
if you knew that i was sad,
would you even show any concern.
well, i know you wouldnt.
i know you too well.
but i just cant help hoping.
and its because of this that gets me hurt
and sad, again and again.
oh well.
this sucks .
you ruined everything.

once again, dont's bother asking me people (:

i wanna go out with my friends!
2b, sistas, sexyfam etc etc.
argh but no time. x.x

was looking at all those vjchoir photos i have.

felt a wave of nostalgia.

hmm, we've really spent so much time together.

good and bad.

and looking at the many events,

woah.

there was seamoe, sov, sco, singapore idol. etc etc.

and those fun times when we went out,

the siglap concert, choir treat, choir bbq.

its funny how we transform from people who barely knew each other,

to such close friends now.

and thinking about it,

they really are the people whom i can trust.

love them (:

haha all those past thingys that we had.

like the temporary choir family,

the big hooha about my eyecandy,

and my lipcandy hahaha.

and all those scandals.

hahaha so fun! (:

i love vjchoir.

we really are a bunch of funloving people.

yes and we all care for each other dont we.

regardless of what others say, those outsiders who are not in vjchoir,

i still believe that vjchoir is a big family.

and our choir anthem really holds true to us. (:

i'll really miss these people when they graduate.

sigh,

shant think about it.

enjoy the times with them now! (:

i realised ive kinda neglected them.

and forgotten about how much i depended on them.

i feel like such an ingrate.

shall always remember how much they mean to me.

haha its always like that, when you spend too much time with someone

you tend to neglect them and forget about how much they mean to you.

i love you all.

thanks for everything:D

vjchoir rocks! (:

pangsehhed four times in two days.
thanks ah.

HELLO PEOPLE.

there was farewell assembly in the morning.
hmm not very sad la.
but still,
its a bit sad to know that the year twos are graduating already.
):
oh well.
and next year it'll be yuting them's turn already. x.x
that's damn sad.
):
farewell assembly was cool though.
i realised vj has a damn lame sense of humor.
haha.
but it's still cool la. (:

im happy today.
i talked to lotsa people during choir,
all those people whom i dont normally talk to.
and im happy really (:

well our rehearsal was bad.
like super bad.
we were flat and then we were sharp hahaha.
interesting.
i think its really time to buck up.
we havent been at our best ever since italy.
and we really needa sing well to show everyone,
that we ARE vjchoir.
yeap.
(:

uhhuh,
so im kinda happy cos i talked alot and was kinda high.
and like i said,
i really like the sopsies (:
yeah actually i like choir people.
all so funny and nice.

yeah after that we went to david's hse.
did nothing much there la.
DEE or D the dog was super funny la.
kinda cowardly hahaha.
but he's still cute (:
and dawnie and me were fondling it hahaha.
we took DEE out for a walk.
and we went to the playground.
i kinda just sat at the swing,
and stoned,
and got a bit emo.
haha. but it dint really affect my mood la (:

went back to david's house and i was
REALLY tired.
huping them went to play monopoly
and yizha oliver sx and their friend, soo played xbox that soccer game thingy.
i was just too tired to play.
and my shoulders were aching.
so i played neither.
and just sat there and watched them play the soccer thing.
yeah den i played one round.
haha oliver says im not bad for a girl!
(: waha so song.
uhhuh.
and huping david sindhu and dawnie were like going crazy over monopoly haha.
bargaining and trading like a bunch of AUNTIES.
haha i watched them and was laughing like shit. lol!
crazy people la them (:
uhhuh den i kinda just fell asleep.
really tired.
lol after that we went home.

oliver yizha huping and me went to eat.
ok technically its just oliver yizha me eating.
huping was nice and accompanied us (:
THANKS HUPING.
second time le. ((:
yeah talked and gossiped and ate.
waha.
not too bad.
it was fun.
eat sumo house.
(:

uhhuh.
i love choir people (:
tmr will be cool la.
though tiring.
hahaha.
i wanna go out at like 12plus. after the choir performance.
haha. hope we dont screw up.
vjchoir rules ((:

he wasnt mine to lose.

and now the night is near

and i can make believe he's here.

**

uhh im getting emo.

my heart is like breaking into a million pieces.

uh.

i dont like this.

ok so today was rather boring.

i did a bit of cross stitch.

haha leftover stuff from last year.

yep and then my sister came home,

we decided to go out and eat something good.

hahaha.

so we went out.

ate pastamania in the end x.x

so much for eating something good.

hahaha.

yep and she bought a shirt for me (:

from pink industrie.

i think pink industrie clothes are REALLY so nice.

hahaha.

i like the shorts, and the skirt.

and the shirts.

and the bags.

and the shoes.

uh everything!

and its 50% off storewide.

someone buy me the whole shop please.

lol. yeah so my sis bought a shirt for me.

dont think that she so nice la,

its my long overdue birthday present haha.

yep (:

so we came home.

yah just like that lor.

hahahaha.

sian.

my day passed in boringness.

LOL.

ok and heartbreak.

bah whatever.

people dont come and ask me.

i wont say hahaha.

**

you were never mine to lose

and im just staring at you

wondering if you will notice me.