i just got that RM email from mr teo, said i got into the second round, and now its up to the SMP to approve. hmm i should be feeling happy now? but im not exactly.. urgh. was starting to think whether it would be a bad choice to apply for SMP, cos i seriously dunno if i can commit. i hope it doesnt clash with choir =/ see i dont like troublesome things and the SMP is really troublesome. and youknow what, i really hate doing projects. and SMP will just be ANOTHER imagineering, although of course SMP will be more interesting and more useful. eurgh. shant think about it. i just hope i dont give up on SMP.

**

i just spent an hour and a half reading through our past msn convos, and memories came flooding back. i kinda forgotten all about you this past week or so, and i was just seriously SO dumb to go and read the saved msg convos.

'anyway, i wont hate you la!
haha
why you think that way'
'lol just think that way la'
'must have faith in me
im your good friend'

'i still remember what you said the other day
wad wo xuan ze le ni
LOL that was hilarious la'
'oh lol
trying to make some link ma
also to cheer you up'

'im really glad to have you as a friend
hope nothing changes'
'yay i managed to get you to say it a 2nd time'
'eh arent you thankful you have me as a friend too'
'yeah im doubly thankful'

'i dun take it to heart cos i know you like me alot'
'HUMPH
i like you alot
but you dont like me alot
SEEE'
'i like you alot la'

'u gotta trust me can'
'i dont
so how?'
'gotta learn how to'

'because i expect you to go ma
and look forward to seeing you'
'i also look forward to seeing u what. im sad too'

'do you like me alot?'
'yes if not i wouldnt regard you as my close fren'

'i can uds why i like you alot
but i dont uds why you like me alot'
'then why you like me alot'
'because youre very nice?'
'i like u alot cuz u can cheer me up and make life happier for me
and oso i find it very easy and comfortable to talk to you'

'will you ever dislike me?
i scared
i dont want our friendship to change
i like it the way it is now'
'thr's only one ans to it as for now
i cant say i will dislike you'
'i dont uds'
'lol
im your close fren
just bear in mind that'

'i treasure my frens
unless they dont treasure me'
'i treasure you leh
you should be honoured'

'i'll learn to cherish you as a friend (:'
'dont worry la we'll learn to cherish'

'haha did you have fun today?'
'i really had fun la'
'ok that's good :D'
'then did u have fun?'
'haha
was very fun'

that's just some exerpts of what we said to each other last time. HA. how ironic to look back and to compare it with the situation now. where did all the 'treasuring', 'cherishing', 'i wont dislike you la' go to? its really sad you know. when i read through our past convos, i realised that you did care for me. but i guess it doesnt apply anymore. sigh. its rather sad to lose something that i really wanted to keep. i guess my worst fears came true. sigh. im really miss our friendship back then, i wonder who had changed. is it me or is it you? or maybe it was just the both of us, or maybe we both just got sick of each other.

but then, i realise that what you SAY doenst tally with what you do. i bet you dont miss our friendship at all. and i was thinking, maybe you SAID you cared, but you didnt in actual fact. sigh. i dont like guessing games. and i guess i was quite stupid to have read the convo, cos it just made me miss our friendship. sigh.

i know it'll be a long time before you read this thing. and im wondering if you would even feel anything upon reading this post. i bet you will just think im being emo again. sigh.

this is an emo post. blah.
'but hey i dont mind being best friends'. ):