(:
smile.
there are so many things that are worth my holding on.
and so many things that are not.
sometimes, in a moment of rashness, i get carried away and try my best to hold on to what i once possessed. something that was so sweet and made me feel so lucky. well, i guess the feeling's gone and that it can never happen again, but the memories will stay there.
sometimes, i get really crazy and think that everything can be saved, and maybe a miracle will happen to make everything fine again. that what used to be mine would come back to me. well, then, i slap myself awake and tell me that no matter what i do, it wont work.
im forced to tell myself that it was all my fault and that i made everything worse. haha, but thinking about it, its not totally my fault. and perhaps one sided things arent very good. what's the point of trying so hard to hold on when the other person doesnt even care?
sometimes, i remember how it used to be like. the happiness, the funny times, the jokes, and i ask myself, what actually happened? all the bad things that had happened pass me by in a blur. i dont think about it, in fact, i dont even remember it. what i remember, are the happy and sweet moments that all of us shared together. simple things such as cycling, studying. the sweet things that made me happy and all that. its these memories that stay in my heart.
and perhaps that's a good thing? perhaps its good that i dont really hold on to grudges. most of the time, i remember the good things that happened, which makes it doubly hard for me to let go. im not saying im not happy now. i am very in fact. its just that underneath all the happiness, there's this part of me that tells me that if those problems were solved, my life would be perfect.
then i realise, when i was with them, i wasnt satisfied. i was always looking for something else. something else to satisfy me. i was happy, close to being totally satisfied with my life, but it wasnt perfect. i guess i'll never be satisfied. and that i tend to paint beautiful dreams. most of the time, i picture a person that i like very much as being close to perfection. but when i actually see that person, and understand that person, he or she is not who i imagined him or her to be. and it makes me disappointed. but then again, even though i am disappointed, and hurt, i still do love that person very much.
perhaps its time for me to stop loving. it is difficult, but time will heal everything. perhaps time will wash away the awkwardness and the wounds. well, for me, it has already been washed away. i dont think about them anymore. i just remember how nice that person used to be. and most of the time, i have to force myself to remember that that's not the case anymore. i guess i've always been too idealistic.
well its true when they say you only learn to treasure something when you've lost it.
sadly, most of the time, you never get it back. sometimes i wish i was given a second chance. but i know it will never happen.
well, its rather saddening. but i guess i'll just have to learn to get on with my life. to move on and to let go. that's just life. people come and go, friends dont stay forever. and i should learn not to hold on too much.
yes and i guess im learning. most of the time, i have this internal struggle. and that is whether i should persist, to continue trying. well, nowadays, the side that tells me to stop trying wins. i guess that's good, cos it means im learning to move on. but really, its not easy.
sometimes i wished there's this section in our brain that allows us to shut off the hurt and the pain. to stop thinking about the past, to control our feelings.
but that's just wishful thinking.
the bottom line is, i think too highly of people sometimes. and im stubborn. so i hang on to things like a bulldog and never let go. but then, sometimes, some situations force me to let go. and i have to try hard.
well, its really really painful.
but i believe,
that at the end of the day,
i'll win.
afterall, im already halfway there.
(:
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
HI ALL.
been quite some time since i last blogged.
well, many things have happened.
not physically, but mentally (: and it made me a stronger and better person.
well the first two days of CNY were spent quite badly.
i felt moody and emo and well,
it was just plain boring.
rah.
but the third day was GREAT.
house visiting was a blast.
went to althea's, alicea's, guowei's and novabelle's houses.
yep it was really fun.
and i really had a fun time with the IP people.
we rock man! (:
all the crap fortune telling games we played, all the intellectual discussions.
it makes me feel really fortunate that i am actually in the IP. (:
yeap and when i was on the bus with xianyong, my angel and ex boyfriend,
i sort of thought things over properly.
and i managed to let go.
to forget about everything that's happened.
no more emoing and hanging on to the past for me.
the bubbly and cheerful may is back. (:
of course, the memories will stay with me forever, it's just that i feel its time for me to treasure the others around me. yep to love them and to thank them for everything they have done for me. yep and i did just that.
sent about 12 people a message that told them i loved them.
i expected messages of 'i love you too!' to come back. and guess what? in the end, about 80% of them thought i was going to commit suicide. it was hilarious really. hahaha. see it just tells us all how uncommon it is for people to express their love for each other. thus, we should all do it more often (:
yep and my shell station even called me the next day to check that i was still alive. hahaha had a nice random talk with him after that. too bad my father had to force me to get off the phone. x.x
sorry shell station!
okay so the next few days were passed really great. love the yeartwos and love my classmates (:
im enjoying myself in choir more too nowadays. lol i've learnt to let go and im really really proud of myself.
yep went out on fri to celebrate fei's birthday with the sistas. i love the sistas! too bad wen couldnt come again, cos she had choir prac. awww. next time okay? (: yep and laughed a whole lot with them again. lol. they seriously brighten my life up (: ohh and we sorta sang a song together. the chimney song. it sounded nice wahahaha. (:
uhhuh, so everything's fine and happy for me now.
no more emoing from may!
yay (:
treasure and cherish?
you dont know how to do that yourself.
hahaha, i've learnt so much through this episode.
guess its sort of yin huo de fu.
ive moved on and im really happy cos all this made me learn more about myself and to improve my character.
i read through all your actions yesterday.
it made me amused.
(:
oh btw,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO FEI.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND (weijie).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE TO ALTHEA.
been quite some time since i last blogged.
well, many things have happened.
not physically, but mentally (: and it made me a stronger and better person.
well the first two days of CNY were spent quite badly.
i felt moody and emo and well,
it was just plain boring.
rah.
but the third day was GREAT.
house visiting was a blast.
went to althea's, alicea's, guowei's and novabelle's houses.
yep it was really fun.
and i really had a fun time with the IP people.
we rock man! (:
all the crap fortune telling games we played, all the intellectual discussions.
it makes me feel really fortunate that i am actually in the IP. (:
yeap and when i was on the bus with xianyong, my angel and ex boyfriend,
i sort of thought things over properly.
and i managed to let go.
to forget about everything that's happened.
no more emoing and hanging on to the past for me.
the bubbly and cheerful may is back. (:
of course, the memories will stay with me forever, it's just that i feel its time for me to treasure the others around me. yep to love them and to thank them for everything they have done for me. yep and i did just that.
sent about 12 people a message that told them i loved them.
i expected messages of 'i love you too!' to come back. and guess what? in the end, about 80% of them thought i was going to commit suicide. it was hilarious really. hahaha. see it just tells us all how uncommon it is for people to express their love for each other. thus, we should all do it more often (:
yep and my shell station even called me the next day to check that i was still alive. hahaha had a nice random talk with him after that. too bad my father had to force me to get off the phone. x.x
sorry shell station!
okay so the next few days were passed really great. love the yeartwos and love my classmates (:
im enjoying myself in choir more too nowadays. lol i've learnt to let go and im really really proud of myself.
yep went out on fri to celebrate fei's birthday with the sistas. i love the sistas! too bad wen couldnt come again, cos she had choir prac. awww. next time okay? (: yep and laughed a whole lot with them again. lol. they seriously brighten my life up (: ohh and we sorta sang a song together. the chimney song. it sounded nice wahahaha. (:
uhhuh, so everything's fine and happy for me now.
no more emoing from may!
yay (:
treasure and cherish?
you dont know how to do that yourself.
hahaha, i've learnt so much through this episode.
guess its sort of yin huo de fu.
ive moved on and im really happy cos all this made me learn more about myself and to improve my character.
i read through all your actions yesterday.
it made me amused.
(:
oh btw,
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO FEI.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND (weijie).
HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE TO ALTHEA.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
i dont like this feeling.
i dread seeing you.
cherish.
cherish my friends.
im at althea's hse now btw.
haha. should have fun with them,
our last cny together leh.
(:
maybe i made the wrong move.
hahaha.
said the wrong things.
did the wrong stuff.
but oh well,
how much worse can it get?
ive given up already.
no more friendship,
nothing else.
just hope the pain goes away soon.
at least all my past actions are explained.
i hope you can be trusted.
**
muaha, suddenly realise that evanescence songs very nice.
all the sad and emo rock songs.
muaha.
atomic kittens also quite nice.
all my old cds lol.
sometimes its good to remember the old (:
**
now i will tell you what ive done for you,
fifty thousand tears ive cried.
lying decieving and bleeding for you,
but you still wont hear me.
im going under.
dont want your hand this time i'll save mysef
maybe i'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when i thought i'd reach the bottom.
**
you dont remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream
and dream i do
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i need to be with you
to live to breathe youre taking over me
**
nice right! muaha.
evanescence going under and taking over me.
**
if you see me walking down the street
staring at the sky
dragging my two feet
you just pass me by
it still makes me cry
but you can make me whole again
if you see me with another man
laughing and im joking
doing what i can
i wont put you down
cos i want you around
you can make me whole again
looking back on when we first met
i cannot escape and i cannot forget
baby youre the one
you still turn me on
you can make me whole again
**
and of course, AK whole again.
(:
**
i realise whatever you say has a double meaning.
stop shooting me.
rah i should go out and join the others at mahjong.
make myself happy for once.
niam niam niam.
sorry think this post is a bit incoherant.
treat it as a wasted post.
im spouting nonsense (:
i wish.
i dread seeing you.
cherish.
cherish my friends.
im at althea's hse now btw.
haha. should have fun with them,
our last cny together leh.
(:
maybe i made the wrong move.
hahaha.
said the wrong things.
did the wrong stuff.
but oh well,
how much worse can it get?
ive given up already.
no more friendship,
nothing else.
just hope the pain goes away soon.
at least all my past actions are explained.
i hope you can be trusted.
**
muaha, suddenly realise that evanescence songs very nice.
all the sad and emo rock songs.
muaha.
atomic kittens also quite nice.
all my old cds lol.
sometimes its good to remember the old (:
**
now i will tell you what ive done for you,
fifty thousand tears ive cried.
lying decieving and bleeding for you,
but you still wont hear me.
im going under.
dont want your hand this time i'll save mysef
maybe i'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when i thought i'd reach the bottom.
**
you dont remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream
and dream i do
i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i need to be with you
to live to breathe youre taking over me
**
nice right! muaha.
evanescence going under and taking over me.
**
if you see me walking down the street
staring at the sky
dragging my two feet
you just pass me by
it still makes me cry
but you can make me whole again
if you see me with another man
laughing and im joking
doing what i can
i wont put you down
cos i want you around
you can make me whole again
looking back on when we first met
i cannot escape and i cannot forget
baby youre the one
you still turn me on
you can make me whole again
**
and of course, AK whole again.
(:
**
i realise whatever you say has a double meaning.
stop shooting me.
rah i should go out and join the others at mahjong.
make myself happy for once.
niam niam niam.
sorry think this post is a bit incoherant.
treat it as a wasted post.
im spouting nonsense (:
i wish.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
i wanna cherish the year twos.
seriously.
i shouldnt be wasting my time thinking of people who are not worth it.
just dont let me see.
dont let me look.
dont let me notice.
and i'll be happy.
let me remain ignorant,
ignorance is bliss,
i wanna feel blissful.
all the hurt that pours in after revelation.
its so painful,
my heart breaks into a million pieces.
i want the yeartwos.
during choir bbq,
there was this time when the 8 of us sat together at a table.
wanting, shuwei, yuting, dawn, yizha, huping, oliver and i.
just like the old times.
i miss the times we spent together.
a lot a lot.
yeah and i really cherished that few precious minutes when the 8 of us sat together during choir bbq.
love you guys.
thank you all so much for everything.
im glad im on good terms with all of you.
let things stay this way (:
i know some people are not worth it.
but i cant control my heart.
im happy when youre not around.
when you are, that pain i feel just by looking at you,
its indescribable.
why are we strangers?
seriously.
i shouldnt be wasting my time thinking of people who are not worth it.
just dont let me see.
dont let me look.
dont let me notice.
and i'll be happy.
let me remain ignorant,
ignorance is bliss,
i wanna feel blissful.
all the hurt that pours in after revelation.
its so painful,
my heart breaks into a million pieces.
i want the yeartwos.
during choir bbq,
there was this time when the 8 of us sat together at a table.
wanting, shuwei, yuting, dawn, yizha, huping, oliver and i.
just like the old times.
i miss the times we spent together.
a lot a lot.
yeah and i really cherished that few precious minutes when the 8 of us sat together during choir bbq.
love you guys.
thank you all so much for everything.
im glad im on good terms with all of you.
let things stay this way (:
i know some people are not worth it.
but i cant control my heart.
im happy when youre not around.
when you are, that pain i feel just by looking at you,
its indescribable.
why are we strangers?
put on your specs.
cos i dont recognise you anymore.
**
haha meant to blog about the outing with vivian, angmian, shunjie, manching and winki.
but it's been some time since ive been near a comp so..
lol.
yeah i really had a lot of fun with them.
missed them so much man.
guys, must come out often okay?
remember our two months promise! ((:
**
i make believe,
that you are here.
**
valentine's day was fine.
got a bit emo at first but ohwell, there are still lots and lots of people who love me.
thank you all for your little gifts and such.
every little gift and note brightened my day.
thank you all (:
**
im going under,
drowning in you.
**
hmm choir bbq was fun. i guess.
lol talked a bit to some people.
oh and i got dunked.
its easy to dunk me la, i so light.
lol! but i remember xy saying, 'omg why she so heavy one.'
wahahahaha!
may is FAT! (:
**
you can make me
whole again.
**
was listening to emo songs the whole day today.
lol dug out all my old cds.
rather interesting ah.
am at my cousin's hse now,
not bad la.
had a nice steamboat.
gupped loads of abalone.
my favourite wahaha.
**
looking forward to tues.
chinese new year house visting! (:
**
do you?
you know im such a fool for you.
do you have to let it linger?
cos i dont recognise you anymore.
**
haha meant to blog about the outing with vivian, angmian, shunjie, manching and winki.
but it's been some time since ive been near a comp so..
lol.
yeah i really had a lot of fun with them.
missed them so much man.
guys, must come out often okay?
remember our two months promise! ((:
**
i make believe,
that you are here.
**
valentine's day was fine.
got a bit emo at first but ohwell, there are still lots and lots of people who love me.
thank you all for your little gifts and such.
every little gift and note brightened my day.
thank you all (:
**
im going under,
drowning in you.
**
hmm choir bbq was fun. i guess.
lol talked a bit to some people.
oh and i got dunked.
its easy to dunk me la, i so light.
lol! but i remember xy saying, 'omg why she so heavy one.'
wahahahaha!
may is FAT! (:
**
you can make me
whole again.
**
was listening to emo songs the whole day today.
lol dug out all my old cds.
rather interesting ah.
am at my cousin's hse now,
not bad la.
had a nice steamboat.
gupped loads of abalone.
my favourite wahaha.
**
looking forward to tues.
chinese new year house visting! (:
**
do you?
you know im such a fool for you.
do you have to let it linger?
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
okay i just deleted an emo post.
hai.
heart pain.
anyway, i announce that im not a pon-ner.
okay mr naij?
lol eh be honoured, you're actually mentioned on my blog!
lol okay.
im being whimsical.
stress level of ss too high.
shit man.
that surprise ive been thinking about for two weeks,
it'll probably not be appreciated.
but i know i'll regret not doing it.
everything seems meaningless now
hai.
heart pain.
anyway, i announce that im not a pon-ner.
okay mr naij?
lol eh be honoured, you're actually mentioned on my blog!
lol okay.
im being whimsical.
stress level of ss too high.
shit man.
that surprise ive been thinking about for two weeks,
it'll probably not be appreciated.
but i know i'll regret not doing it.
everything seems meaningless now
Sunday, February 04, 2007
hello people.
yesterday was quite a good day.
i had choir yesterday.
and i thought the practice was not bad.
lol, we did skye boat song and il coro delle malmaritate. im starting to like skye boat. it's quite nice (: uhhuh and after that we went to siglap to meet mr kwei. surprisingly, i think we sang quite well. lol, mr kwei seemed to be rather happy. yeah we sang our 4 jap songs, o magnum, skye boat and our il coros. lol. we only screwed up il coro women. lol so its not to bad. uhhuh and we learnt a new song, o my love is like a red, red rose. its such a beautiful song alright! (: the lyrics are on shu wei's blog. heh.
so choir ended at like 3. yeah and the musico and exco had a meeting with mr kwei. yeap so all of us waited outside for them. i had a really great time bugging my PAPAYA to sing either ciao bella ciao or o my love is like a red, red rose for me. lol, its so fun teasing my PAPAYA (: haha. btw, my papaya's reuben. if yall dont already know. lol!
yeap after that i just sad with the clique at the benches and we were just crapping about everything. i thought it was rather fun (: yep.
after that i left with danny and yuting for town first. yep, had a nice talk with them. lol we were talkin about proposing and all those stuff. really interesting (: yep.
after that i went to suntec and met rhoda. yep walked around with her and chatted and bitched and gossip about lots of stuff. lol, zhuofei and sherry were late again, as always, lol. yeah and after we ment zhuofei and sherry we went to meet yuxuan. hahaha. so, the five of us walked around to find a farewell present for diane. yeah we found a gorgeous jewellery box for her. its really cute (: hope she likes it. :D
yeap and after that, we walked to this toy shop. and there those really cool capsule thingys. lol. there this capsule that was a miniature version of a capsule machine. yeah and i thought that was really cute. (: cost 2 dollars only, quite cheap leh. lol.
uhhuh after that we went to the nuss clubhouse for diane's farewell party. it was really great. yeah and the food was rather good too (: i had an absolutely great time with the sistas there. yeah, all the laughing and joking and bitching and gossiping and catching up. really love the sistas (: it was really great to be able to catch up with them again. yeah and everything's fine now, no more awkwardness of anything. i believe our friendship will be able to last. (: i really treasured the time spent with them yesterday. now i know what's the meaning of cherish. (:
I LOVE THE SISTAS.
yeah so anyway, that put me into the mood for meeting up with all my old friends. yeah cos no matter how caught up we are in our own lives at the moment, we all should still take the time to meet up with our old friends, because that sense of connection you feel with them is something that doesnt exist with your other groups of friends. yeap, its good to catch up once in a while (:
yeah, some things happened that dint quite make my day perfect.
but those were minor things.
whatever it is, im really glad i got to see my dear beloved sistas.
(:
shall meet up with feevian and angmian them soon.
take care all my dearies.
of course, i wont forget my present friends,
alicea althea and gang from 06v11,
and the clique in choir (:
what a long and unemo post. heh.
**
who's that girl.
yesterday was quite a good day.
i had choir yesterday.
and i thought the practice was not bad.
lol, we did skye boat song and il coro delle malmaritate. im starting to like skye boat. it's quite nice (: uhhuh and after that we went to siglap to meet mr kwei. surprisingly, i think we sang quite well. lol, mr kwei seemed to be rather happy. yeah we sang our 4 jap songs, o magnum, skye boat and our il coros. lol. we only screwed up il coro women. lol so its not to bad. uhhuh and we learnt a new song, o my love is like a red, red rose. its such a beautiful song alright! (: the lyrics are on shu wei's blog. heh.
so choir ended at like 3. yeah and the musico and exco had a meeting with mr kwei. yeap so all of us waited outside for them. i had a really great time bugging my PAPAYA to sing either ciao bella ciao or o my love is like a red, red rose for me. lol, its so fun teasing my PAPAYA (: haha. btw, my papaya's reuben. if yall dont already know. lol!
yeap after that i just sad with the clique at the benches and we were just crapping about everything. i thought it was rather fun (: yep.
after that i left with danny and yuting for town first. yep, had a nice talk with them. lol we were talkin about proposing and all those stuff. really interesting (: yep.
after that i went to suntec and met rhoda. yep walked around with her and chatted and bitched and gossip about lots of stuff. lol, zhuofei and sherry were late again, as always, lol. yeah and after we ment zhuofei and sherry we went to meet yuxuan. hahaha. so, the five of us walked around to find a farewell present for diane. yeah we found a gorgeous jewellery box for her. its really cute (: hope she likes it. :D
yeap and after that, we walked to this toy shop. and there those really cool capsule thingys. lol. there this capsule that was a miniature version of a capsule machine. yeah and i thought that was really cute. (: cost 2 dollars only, quite cheap leh. lol.
uhhuh after that we went to the nuss clubhouse for diane's farewell party. it was really great. yeah and the food was rather good too (: i had an absolutely great time with the sistas there. yeah, all the laughing and joking and bitching and gossiping and catching up. really love the sistas (: it was really great to be able to catch up with them again. yeah and everything's fine now, no more awkwardness of anything. i believe our friendship will be able to last. (: i really treasured the time spent with them yesterday. now i know what's the meaning of cherish. (:
I LOVE THE SISTAS.
yeah so anyway, that put me into the mood for meeting up with all my old friends. yeah cos no matter how caught up we are in our own lives at the moment, we all should still take the time to meet up with our old friends, because that sense of connection you feel with them is something that doesnt exist with your other groups of friends. yeap, its good to catch up once in a while (:
yeah, some things happened that dint quite make my day perfect.
but those were minor things.
whatever it is, im really glad i got to see my dear beloved sistas.
(:
shall meet up with feevian and angmian them soon.
take care all my dearies.
of course, i wont forget my present friends,
alicea althea and gang from 06v11,
and the clique in choir (:
what a long and unemo post. heh.
**
who's that girl.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律
都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你
细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感
分享的汤我们俩吃汤吃一个碗
左心房暖暖的好保暖
**
孤单是一个人的狂欢，
狂欢是一群人的孤单。
爱情原来的开始是陪伴，
但我也渐渐的遗忘，
当初是怎样有人陪伴。
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停，
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心，
只是心又飘到了那里，
就连自己看也看不清，
我想我不仅仅是失去你。
**
did i hear you right?
cause i thought you said,
let's think it over.
you have been my life,
and i never planned,
going on without you.
bruised and battered by your words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts.
**
i miss malacca.
conte partiro.
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律
都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你
细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感
分享的汤我们俩吃汤吃一个碗
左心房暖暖的好保暖
**
孤单是一个人的狂欢，
狂欢是一群人的孤单。
爱情原来的开始是陪伴，
但我也渐渐的遗忘，
当初是怎样有人陪伴。
我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停，
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心，
只是心又飘到了那里，
就连自己看也看不清，
我想我不仅仅是失去你。
**
did i hear you right?
cause i thought you said,
let's think it over.
you have been my life,
and i never planned,
going on without you.
bruised and battered by your words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts.
**
i miss malacca.
conte partiro.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
hi people.
life's been rather good nowadays.
but i havent really been sleepin well.
dark eye circles are coming out.
yeah i really shouldnt have such high expectations.
esp for other people.
cos i guess many people cant live up to my expectations.
and i cant live up to my own expectations too.
sometimes i really wonder,
what's wrong with me?
this isnt supposed to be an emo post.
well, im quite excited about making valentine's day presents hahaha.
okay actually i only know what to do for a few people.
hahaha the rest..
i shall have to continue thinking.
anyway,
i borrowed the illustrated version of bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything. really excited about reading it.heh i read it before, but i decided to read it again. its a really good book, so everybody, go borrow or buy it (:
went for consort's concert the other night.
it was fine la, though the first half was boring. guess we all didnt know how to appreciate the music. the second half was okay. haha and i like the part where they dressed up as children. really cute! and it kinda made me miss SOV. i cant wait for SOV! i realised singing is really much better than listening. hahaha. as in, when youre on stage, it feels so cool (: but when youre down there, it just feels like another ordinary concert. i cant wait for SOV! (:
its time to mug away. all my troubles.
i just wanna say,
i still care.
for you, triplets.
life's been rather good nowadays.
but i havent really been sleepin well.
dark eye circles are coming out.
yeah i really shouldnt have such high expectations.
esp for other people.
cos i guess many people cant live up to my expectations.
and i cant live up to my own expectations too.
sometimes i really wonder,
what's wrong with me?
this isnt supposed to be an emo post.
well, im quite excited about making valentine's day presents hahaha.
okay actually i only know what to do for a few people.
hahaha the rest..
i shall have to continue thinking.
anyway,
i borrowed the illustrated version of bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything. really excited about reading it.heh i read it before, but i decided to read it again. its a really good book, so everybody, go borrow or buy it (:
went for consort's concert the other night.
it was fine la, though the first half was boring. guess we all didnt know how to appreciate the music. the second half was okay. haha and i like the part where they dressed up as children. really cute! and it kinda made me miss SOV. i cant wait for SOV! i realised singing is really much better than listening. hahaha. as in, when youre on stage, it feels so cool (: but when youre down there, it just feels like another ordinary concert. i cant wait for SOV! (:
its time to mug away. all my troubles.
i just wanna say,
i still care.
for you, triplets.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
gosh.
i shouldnt keep being so emo.
time to get on with my life.
ive been enjoying myself in class.
angel and mortal is fun! (:
my class angel is nice hahaha.
he's rather humorous and is rather effective in replying.
i can look forward to receiving his letters like, once a day? which is much more than what others get. lol.
and my class mortal, he's even more effective!
i received THREE letters from him ytd alright. (:
lol im having a fun time writing letters to my class and choir angels and mortals.
(:
the choir angel has stopped responding so much,
yeah and my choir mortal hasnt been very responsive from the start lol.
but nevermind, i still love them.
hmm and i think i like my class quite a lot (:
the class spirit is quite good.
and even though there are cliques, everyone can talk to each other :D
yep.
i like i like.
hope this continues.
just a bit of ranting,
i came across someone's blog, and i decided i shant be as childish as him to shoot people in their blogs. cause it just creates a never ending vicious cycle. and that, in itself, is childish.
what i want to say is that, im not a hypocrite.
dont judge people when you dont even know what is actually happening.
uhhuh.
i thought i could move on.
but its proving to be more difficult than i thought.
i went to the airport ytd. and guess what?
when i saw that foodcourt, all those memories came flooding back.
yeah and i walked into mini toon later to see my piggy keychain that they bought me last time.
and it made me even sadder.
but oh well, i shant try to think of it.
i just feel that im not enjoying myself much in choir recently.
i miss the year twos.
although i see them often, i dont feel that sort of connection that i had with them in the past already.
yeah and i can feel some people drifting apart from me.
sigh.
shant think about it la.
it's true, cherish what you have now instead of thinking about what you'll lose.
but its hard to do that when it seems like you hardly have anything left.
i have my class left though.
that's a good thing.
sometimes i look at the two of you and i wonder,
why is it that you two can move on so easily?
perhaps im just hanging on to memories that i shouldnt be hanging on to.
rah.
homework's piling up.
i should go home and mug my ass off today. lol.
feeling sorta lonely nowadays, not in class, but in choir.
but oh well.
life's ironic.
i shouldnt keep being so emo.
time to get on with my life.
ive been enjoying myself in class.
angel and mortal is fun! (:
my class angel is nice hahaha.
he's rather humorous and is rather effective in replying.
i can look forward to receiving his letters like, once a day? which is much more than what others get. lol.
and my class mortal, he's even more effective!
i received THREE letters from him ytd alright. (:
lol im having a fun time writing letters to my class and choir angels and mortals.
(:
the choir angel has stopped responding so much,
yeah and my choir mortal hasnt been very responsive from the start lol.
but nevermind, i still love them.
hmm and i think i like my class quite a lot (:
the class spirit is quite good.
and even though there are cliques, everyone can talk to each other :D
yep.
i like i like.
hope this continues.
just a bit of ranting,
i came across someone's blog, and i decided i shant be as childish as him to shoot people in their blogs. cause it just creates a never ending vicious cycle. and that, in itself, is childish.
what i want to say is that, im not a hypocrite.
dont judge people when you dont even know what is actually happening.
uhhuh.
i thought i could move on.
but its proving to be more difficult than i thought.
i went to the airport ytd. and guess what?
when i saw that foodcourt, all those memories came flooding back.
yeah and i walked into mini toon later to see my piggy keychain that they bought me last time.
and it made me even sadder.
but oh well, i shant try to think of it.
i just feel that im not enjoying myself much in choir recently.
i miss the year twos.
although i see them often, i dont feel that sort of connection that i had with them in the past already.
yeah and i can feel some people drifting apart from me.
sigh.
shant think about it la.
it's true, cherish what you have now instead of thinking about what you'll lose.
but its hard to do that when it seems like you hardly have anything left.
i have my class left though.
that's a good thing.
sometimes i look at the two of you and i wonder,
why is it that you two can move on so easily?
perhaps im just hanging on to memories that i shouldnt be hanging on to.
rah.
homework's piling up.
i should go home and mug my ass off today. lol.
feeling sorta lonely nowadays, not in class, but in choir.
but oh well.
life's ironic.
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
hi.
let me tell you all a story.
once upon a time, there were three people. A, B, and C.
A and B were originally very very good friends.
and A and C were originally normal friends who could get along well with each other.
however, one day,
B and C started getting closer.
and A was jealous because B started neglecting her.
thus, A started to dislike C and to start to avoid her.
C, sensing that something was wrong, went to A and tried to ask her what happened.
obviously, A did not know how to put it and thus did not want to talk to C about it.
worried, C decided to go to B to ask about why A was being so cold.
B, knowing the exact reasons why, decided to scold A about her behaviour as B thought it was wrong and unfair to C.
A, having already been irritated, thus got angrier at C as A was angry about B scolding A for C.
thus, the problem worsened.
in the end,
after a lot of complications.
B and C got very close to each other.
and B decided to leave A.
B found that A was very unlikable and thus decided to tell A the exact reasons.
A, having found out that B actually disliked A, felt hurt and thus was very upset about losing the friendship.
however, A decided to let the matter rest and to not bother about it anymore because there was nothing A could do to change B's mind.
however, A still cared very much for B and thus still continued to msg B to ask about B's stuff etc. B was however, unresponsive and in other words, heartless.
meanwhile, B and C got very close.
recently, C stopped talking to B, and A, being concerned for B, decided to tell B that no matter what happened, A would still be there for B.
instead, B said that although B knew that A cared, he cared about C.
A thus realised that something was wrong and decided to ask B what A did wrong again.
B then accused A of telling everyone about the A, B and C problem and of asking A's friends to ostracize and talk bad about B and C.
A was thus very indignant and irritated as A had did nothing of that sort.
thus, A went about to convince B that A was not that sort of person, but B remained unmoved.
next, here comes person D.
A realised that D was drifting away from A.
and thus decided to msg D to ask about what A had done wrong.
D replied to say that D was just treating A the same way as what A had been treating C.
A got a big shock as she did not know that D knew about this matter.
in other words, D was angry with A because of C.
A was thus very sad that another friendship was lost.
after mulling about the problem for some time.
A realised that she was wrong to have wronged C about A's loss of friendships.
it was not C's fault that C had made friends with B and D.
instead, it was B's fault for having neglected A and A should not have channelled all the hurt and anger onto C.
thus, A realised that A did not actually disliked C and wanted to resolve the problem between C.
thus, A decided to tell C that A was sorry about her actions.
C however, has been hurt very much by A.
and thus did not want to accept A's apology.
therefore, A decided to not push C, but to instead, tell C that she really has realised her wrongdoings. A thus hopes that C would forgive her.
meanwhile, A does not wish to bother B and D anymore, and wishes that the problem will wash away with time.
the above story is from a biased perspective.
and please do not judge anyone after reading this post.
the above story is just an informative narrative to talk about the problem.
people who are not involved in this,
one word of advice,
stay out of this.
**
anyway,
i want to thank everyone for the care and concern they have showed me.
it is really very appreciated (:
perhaps its wrong of me to have posted this here for everyone to see.
but i guess since everyone is hearing stuff abotu this.
why not i present a more accurate viewpoint of this issue.
ciao.
ciao, bella ciao.
let me tell you all a story.
once upon a time, there were three people. A, B, and C.
A and B were originally very very good friends.
and A and C were originally normal friends who could get along well with each other.
however, one day,
B and C started getting closer.
and A was jealous because B started neglecting her.
thus, A started to dislike C and to start to avoid her.
C, sensing that something was wrong, went to A and tried to ask her what happened.
obviously, A did not know how to put it and thus did not want to talk to C about it.
worried, C decided to go to B to ask about why A was being so cold.
B, knowing the exact reasons why, decided to scold A about her behaviour as B thought it was wrong and unfair to C.
A, having already been irritated, thus got angrier at C as A was angry about B scolding A for C.
thus, the problem worsened.
in the end,
after a lot of complications.
B and C got very close to each other.
and B decided to leave A.
B found that A was very unlikable and thus decided to tell A the exact reasons.
A, having found out that B actually disliked A, felt hurt and thus was very upset about losing the friendship.
however, A decided to let the matter rest and to not bother about it anymore because there was nothing A could do to change B's mind.
however, A still cared very much for B and thus still continued to msg B to ask about B's stuff etc. B was however, unresponsive and in other words, heartless.
meanwhile, B and C got very close.
recently, C stopped talking to B, and A, being concerned for B, decided to tell B that no matter what happened, A would still be there for B.
instead, B said that although B knew that A cared, he cared about C.
A thus realised that something was wrong and decided to ask B what A did wrong again.
B then accused A of telling everyone about the A, B and C problem and of asking A's friends to ostracize and talk bad about B and C.
A was thus very indignant and irritated as A had did nothing of that sort.
thus, A went about to convince B that A was not that sort of person, but B remained unmoved.
next, here comes person D.
A realised that D was drifting away from A.
and thus decided to msg D to ask about what A had done wrong.
D replied to say that D was just treating A the same way as what A had been treating C.
A got a big shock as she did not know that D knew about this matter.
in other words, D was angry with A because of C.
A was thus very sad that another friendship was lost.
after mulling about the problem for some time.
A realised that she was wrong to have wronged C about A's loss of friendships.
it was not C's fault that C had made friends with B and D.
instead, it was B's fault for having neglected A and A should not have channelled all the hurt and anger onto C.
thus, A realised that A did not actually disliked C and wanted to resolve the problem between C.
thus, A decided to tell C that A was sorry about her actions.
C however, has been hurt very much by A.
and thus did not want to accept A's apology.
therefore, A decided to not push C, but to instead, tell C that she really has realised her wrongdoings. A thus hopes that C would forgive her.
meanwhile, A does not wish to bother B and D anymore, and wishes that the problem will wash away with time.
the above story is from a biased perspective.
and please do not judge anyone after reading this post.
the above story is just an informative narrative to talk about the problem.
people who are not involved in this,
one word of advice,
stay out of this.
**
anyway,
i want to thank everyone for the care and concern they have showed me.
it is really very appreciated (:
perhaps its wrong of me to have posted this here for everyone to see.
but i guess since everyone is hearing stuff abotu this.
why not i present a more accurate viewpoint of this issue.
ciao.
ciao, bella ciao.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
hi.
feeling sort of sad.
just saw things that i shouldnt have seen.
sigh.
was talking to wan ting and jialing about the problem yesterday.
about how i feel so useless and pathetic and 'no backbone.
cos no matter how badly you treat me,
i still care very very much for you.
i know that i shoudnt care about you,
because you dont even care.
but yet i wont feel good not caring for you,
because i still consider you as my cf.
you have many people who care for you,
and i know you dont care whether i care for you.
cos the fact remains that you dislike me.
and it's saddening.
i got over the fact that your cf now is her,
yeah it makes me sad,
but it doesnt make me pissed or angry anymore.
maybe its just because i got used to it.
the sight of the two of you together,
it irks me,
but it doesnt have such a big impact on me anymore.
cos i just brush it off, and think,
there they are again.
sigh.
i cant help but think about the what ifs.
what if you never got to know her?
what if we are still cfs this year?
what if you never disliked me?
i think its a great pity that i lost my cf.
i spent the whole of the last quarter of the year last year thinking about how great it would be to have the three of you in vj. how we can always go out after school and have fun and everything. and it's really sad that the opposite is coming true, that our friendship is falling apart. and for your case, our friendship has already fallen apart.
what if we're still cfs this year?
we would be the ones going home together. and we would be going out after school to mug and have lunch, etc etc. like how it was like last year.
we were all in diff schools last year, but yet we still took time to come out and meet up.
but yet, this year, al though we're all in the same school, we dont go out together anymore. maybe the three of you still do, but not with me. perhaps i drifted apart. sigh.
never in the whole of last year would i have envisioned this thing happening.
perhaps i caused this?
my mannerisms, and my character.
basically the way i am.
sigh.
i just dont learn from my mistakes dont i?
i know i shouldnt be feeling sad.
and i know i shouldnt care about this matter anymore,
because its not supposed to be affecting me anymore.
but i am sad.
who would be happy about losing their close friend?
one that was almost a best friend.
one that i shared all my secrets with.
these few days,
i wanted to tell you everything that was happening to me.
like about my incentive for classtime,
about lesson time and everything.
but then,
i know i cannot,
because you wouldnt even have the heart to listen to me.
i remember this theory that i was told from last time.
it was that friends get very close to each other,
but after some time, one party or both parties will start disliking each other,
because they will know each other so well that they find out each other's flaws.
however, if they manage to get past this stage,
they will become the best of friends.
i forgot all about this theory,
until i suddenly remembered it.
and i realise,
perhaps there's still hope for our friendship.
perhaps it's not all over yet.
perhaps you'll start to like me again.
and then we'll be cfs again,
and probably we'll be even closer than before.
i know that youre probably thinking,
what a joke.
and i know its stupid to even hope for that to happen.
because only 1% of me believes that this will happen.
the other 99% believes that our friendship is over.
and i kinda hate myself for remembering that theory,
for harboring that thread of hope.
and yet i feel remotely happy when i think of that bit of hope i have about our friendship.
that our friendship may actually be able to survive.
i know im being stupid.
and i really should extinguish that flicker of hope before i hurt myself again.
but i cant bring myself to.
i meant it when i said that i can live without you.
i mean, i wont die.
but im not happy either.
and even if im happy without you,
it doenst mean that i dont care.
because i still do care.
very very much indeed.
im sorry for such an emo post.
its not that i wasnt happy today.
i was,
its just that im feeling sad about my problem now.
**
on a happy note,
i really love playing angel and mortal.
i love my choir angel (:
its super fun talking to him!
he makes my day man,
cos i feel happy whenever i see a letter from him.
(:
and of course
the sight of lee lee makes me happy.
(x
feeling sort of sad.
just saw things that i shouldnt have seen.
sigh.
was talking to wan ting and jialing about the problem yesterday.
about how i feel so useless and pathetic and 'no backbone.
cos no matter how badly you treat me,
i still care very very much for you.
i know that i shoudnt care about you,
because you dont even care.
but yet i wont feel good not caring for you,
because i still consider you as my cf.
you have many people who care for you,
and i know you dont care whether i care for you.
cos the fact remains that you dislike me.
and it's saddening.
i got over the fact that your cf now is her,
yeah it makes me sad,
but it doesnt make me pissed or angry anymore.
maybe its just because i got used to it.
the sight of the two of you together,
it irks me,
but it doesnt have such a big impact on me anymore.
cos i just brush it off, and think,
there they are again.
sigh.
i cant help but think about the what ifs.
what if you never got to know her?
what if we are still cfs this year?
what if you never disliked me?
i think its a great pity that i lost my cf.
i spent the whole of the last quarter of the year last year thinking about how great it would be to have the three of you in vj. how we can always go out after school and have fun and everything. and it's really sad that the opposite is coming true, that our friendship is falling apart. and for your case, our friendship has already fallen apart.
what if we're still cfs this year?
we would be the ones going home together. and we would be going out after school to mug and have lunch, etc etc. like how it was like last year.
we were all in diff schools last year, but yet we still took time to come out and meet up.
but yet, this year, al though we're all in the same school, we dont go out together anymore. maybe the three of you still do, but not with me. perhaps i drifted apart. sigh.
never in the whole of last year would i have envisioned this thing happening.
perhaps i caused this?
my mannerisms, and my character.
basically the way i am.
sigh.
i just dont learn from my mistakes dont i?
i know i shouldnt be feeling sad.
and i know i shouldnt care about this matter anymore,
because its not supposed to be affecting me anymore.
but i am sad.
who would be happy about losing their close friend?
one that was almost a best friend.
one that i shared all my secrets with.
these few days,
i wanted to tell you everything that was happening to me.
like about my incentive for classtime,
about lesson time and everything.
but then,
i know i cannot,
because you wouldnt even have the heart to listen to me.
i remember this theory that i was told from last time.
it was that friends get very close to each other,
but after some time, one party or both parties will start disliking each other,
because they will know each other so well that they find out each other's flaws.
however, if they manage to get past this stage,
they will become the best of friends.
i forgot all about this theory,
until i suddenly remembered it.
and i realise,
perhaps there's still hope for our friendship.
perhaps it's not all over yet.
perhaps you'll start to like me again.
and then we'll be cfs again,
and probably we'll be even closer than before.
i know that youre probably thinking,
what a joke.
and i know its stupid to even hope for that to happen.
because only 1% of me believes that this will happen.
the other 99% believes that our friendship is over.
and i kinda hate myself for remembering that theory,
for harboring that thread of hope.
and yet i feel remotely happy when i think of that bit of hope i have about our friendship.
that our friendship may actually be able to survive.
i know im being stupid.
and i really should extinguish that flicker of hope before i hurt myself again.
but i cant bring myself to.
i meant it when i said that i can live without you.
i mean, i wont die.
but im not happy either.
and even if im happy without you,
it doenst mean that i dont care.
because i still do care.
very very much indeed.
im sorry for such an emo post.
its not that i wasnt happy today.
i was,
its just that im feeling sad about my problem now.
**
on a happy note,
i really love playing angel and mortal.
i love my choir angel (:
its super fun talking to him!
he makes my day man,
cos i feel happy whenever i see a letter from him.
(:
and of course
the sight of lee lee makes me happy.
(x
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
my 300th post!
hahaha.
choir yesterday was long and draggy and unbearable.
rah, i cant remember sectionals having been so draggy since the yeartwos left.
so irritating la okay.
i was rather high ytd, for reasons i dont know about.
lol, but yeah i was super duper crazy and high.
yeah and i had a lot of fun.
found a new 'boyfriend' too.
hahahaha.
**
im glad you made that choice.
you forced me to let go.
although im still sad from time to time.
ive realised that i can live without you.
and that we are actually better off without each other.
i just hope you dont go overboard about some stuff,
cos as a friend im seeing things that shouldnt be happening.
please stay true.
**
i feel so bad for not listening today. rah, was super unattentive.
cos at the beginning of the day i was writing letters for my angel and mortals.
and yeah think that caused me to not warm up my brain for the day,
thus accounting for my slowness during the rest of the day.
cos i couldnt really absord and think and all that.
everything just goes into my head and swirls around.
badbadbad.
lol.
hope i sleep earlier today
and be more attentive tomorrow.
i like my lee lee.
<3
hahaha.
choir yesterday was long and draggy and unbearable.
rah, i cant remember sectionals having been so draggy since the yeartwos left.
so irritating la okay.
i was rather high ytd, for reasons i dont know about.
lol, but yeah i was super duper crazy and high.
yeah and i had a lot of fun.
found a new 'boyfriend' too.
hahahaha.
**
im glad you made that choice.
you forced me to let go.
although im still sad from time to time.
ive realised that i can live without you.
and that we are actually better off without each other.
i just hope you dont go overboard about some stuff,
cos as a friend im seeing things that shouldnt be happening.
please stay true.
**
i feel so bad for not listening today. rah, was super unattentive.
cos at the beginning of the day i was writing letters for my angel and mortals.
and yeah think that caused me to not warm up my brain for the day,
thus accounting for my slowness during the rest of the day.
cos i couldnt really absord and think and all that.
everything just goes into my head and swirls around.
badbadbad.
lol.
hope i sleep earlier today
and be more attentive tomorrow.
i like my lee lee.
<3
Monday, January 15, 2007
hello people.
today is the first day of formal lessons hahaha.
how interesting.
and the first piece of work ive got is the SS task.
that junk'd youth thing.
i shall get it done by wed.
lessons today were fine, haha surprisingly, the time passed quite quickly. yeah and i was listening! three cheers for me (: going to cut hair later with althea and alicea. they're just peing me la haha. so nice of them right. (: my hair's damn bushy man, cant wait to get it cut hahaha.
i should talk about COWPAY (: my camp group! hahaha. we're damn cool okay, and we're really creative. look at our name? its creative enough hahaha.
yo cowpay wassup?
MOO!
cant hear you!
MOO!
one more time!
MOO!
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
shake it up
MOO!
shake it up
MOO!
AYYYYYYYYY COW!
audrey thought of COWPAY KAOBULL. hahahaha interesting right!
hahaha, anyway i really really enjoyed camp. yeah and i think i got to know others much better. and im glad i found an incentive for myself. hahaha. it feels so great to just stare at someone. hahahahahahaha. okay im just going crazy. i was actually excited yesterday yknow? to come to class. hahaha.
**
i should be un emo,
but here's a short bit of emoness.
i saw you in school today, i dont think you saw me. and i walked past you, without saying hi. i wanted to, but somehow, i just didnt have the courage to just call out your name. cos i dont think i can stand it if i see a look of disgust on your face. i dont know what to expect, yeah and i guess im just trying to protect myself from more hurt.
choir later.
im quite apprehensive actually. dont know what's gonna happen. but one thing's for sure,
im not gonna bug you anymore.
i've tried my best.
and since you promised me that things will go fine,
i shall hold you to that.
but then again,
even if things dont go fine,
i dont think there's anything i can do.
you're just heartless.
and i know this thing's not affecting you anymore.
i hope in time to come, it wont affect me so much anymore.
i should just learn to be like you.
'i wanna get to know your spouse and children.'
'yeah and i wanna be your children's godmother.'
that was how long we wanted to be friends, what happened to all that?
**
anyway, back to being happy. kenickie and alicea were sitting beside me just now. hahaha. so i couldnt blog. yeah and we were watching miss swan. lol the drive thru one and the atm one.
ms swan : you make me feel like a dirty litte whore.
woman: no i wasnt! i didnt call you that.
ms swan : but you were thinking it!
HAHAHAHA. so retarded right. ms swan is funny man.
yeah back to the point, im feeling more and more comfortable with my class, which is a good thing (:
haha my incentive!
LEE LEE. (((((:
<3
today is the first day of formal lessons hahaha.
how interesting.
and the first piece of work ive got is the SS task.
that junk'd youth thing.
i shall get it done by wed.
lessons today were fine, haha surprisingly, the time passed quite quickly. yeah and i was listening! three cheers for me (: going to cut hair later with althea and alicea. they're just peing me la haha. so nice of them right. (: my hair's damn bushy man, cant wait to get it cut hahaha.
i should talk about COWPAY (: my camp group! hahaha. we're damn cool okay, and we're really creative. look at our name? its creative enough hahaha.
yo cowpay wassup?
MOO!
cant hear you!
MOO!
one more time!
MOO!
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
cowpay ke mama
OLEH OLEH AH AH
shake it up
MOO!
shake it up
MOO!
AYYYYYYYYY COW!
audrey thought of COWPAY KAOBULL. hahahaha interesting right!
hahaha, anyway i really really enjoyed camp. yeah and i think i got to know others much better. and im glad i found an incentive for myself. hahaha. it feels so great to just stare at someone. hahahahahahaha. okay im just going crazy. i was actually excited yesterday yknow? to come to class. hahaha.
**
i should be un emo,
but here's a short bit of emoness.
i saw you in school today, i dont think you saw me. and i walked past you, without saying hi. i wanted to, but somehow, i just didnt have the courage to just call out your name. cos i dont think i can stand it if i see a look of disgust on your face. i dont know what to expect, yeah and i guess im just trying to protect myself from more hurt.
choir later.
im quite apprehensive actually. dont know what's gonna happen. but one thing's for sure,
im not gonna bug you anymore.
i've tried my best.
and since you promised me that things will go fine,
i shall hold you to that.
but then again,
even if things dont go fine,
i dont think there's anything i can do.
you're just heartless.
and i know this thing's not affecting you anymore.
i hope in time to come, it wont affect me so much anymore.
i should just learn to be like you.
'i wanna get to know your spouse and children.'
'yeah and i wanna be your children's godmother.'
that was how long we wanted to be friends, what happened to all that?
**
anyway, back to being happy. kenickie and alicea were sitting beside me just now. hahaha. so i couldnt blog. yeah and we were watching miss swan. lol the drive thru one and the atm one.
ms swan : you make me feel like a dirty litte whore.
woman: no i wasnt! i didnt call you that.
ms swan : but you were thinking it!
HAHAHAHA. so retarded right. ms swan is funny man.
yeah back to the point, im feeling more and more comfortable with my class, which is a good thing (:
haha my incentive!
LEE LEE. (((((:
<3
Saturday, January 13, 2007
back from camp.
these few days gave me a chance to retreat from all the problems in my life.
things still stayed in my mind, and on the first day, i kinda spent my time moping around, and wondering why things turned out this way. and wondering why it is that history had to repeat itself. only this time, i knew that i was trying hard, very very hard, to salvage anything.
told alicea what happened, and she said, 'may, you have to understand it's not your fault anymore, because i can tell you're really trying your best.'
and it was what i needed to hear, it was the reassurance that i had wanted from so long ago.
yeah nolstagia's coming back to me recently about everything.
but everyone's gotta move on at some point in their lives.
everyone's bound to get hurt at some point in their lives.
and this is the point in my life.
and i most learn to get over it.
and im sure i can do it.
because through this camp,
i've realised the ip people are not as bad as i thought.
i CAN have fun with them.
yeap and so this leads to my next point,
i enjoyed the camp (:
and im glad i did.
because i went for camp with that,
RAH STOP WASTING MY TIME attitude,
and im glad i came out a changed person (:
starting to appreciate the people around me more.
yes and im starting to see people for their good points, and not their bad points.
anyway im kinda feeling numb now, not much of feelings concerning the problem i have.
guess the pain will come again when i see them.
rah, but ive really did all i could.
and its not my fault some people are just so heartless.
if ive done my best,
at least i'll have no regrets and not feel guilty.
i have no right to dictate the choices that other people make.
and i dont want to dictate either.
from now on i shall learn to appreciate.
anyway,
there's an incentive for me to go to class now. hahahaha.
leelee. (:
these few days gave me a chance to retreat from all the problems in my life.
things still stayed in my mind, and on the first day, i kinda spent my time moping around, and wondering why things turned out this way. and wondering why it is that history had to repeat itself. only this time, i knew that i was trying hard, very very hard, to salvage anything.
told alicea what happened, and she said, 'may, you have to understand it's not your fault anymore, because i can tell you're really trying your best.'
and it was what i needed to hear, it was the reassurance that i had wanted from so long ago.
yeah nolstagia's coming back to me recently about everything.
but everyone's gotta move on at some point in their lives.
everyone's bound to get hurt at some point in their lives.
and this is the point in my life.
and i most learn to get over it.
and im sure i can do it.
because through this camp,
i've realised the ip people are not as bad as i thought.
i CAN have fun with them.
yeap and so this leads to my next point,
i enjoyed the camp (:
and im glad i did.
because i went for camp with that,
RAH STOP WASTING MY TIME attitude,
and im glad i came out a changed person (:
starting to appreciate the people around me more.
yes and im starting to see people for their good points, and not their bad points.
anyway im kinda feeling numb now, not much of feelings concerning the problem i have.
guess the pain will come again when i see them.
rah, but ive really did all i could.
and its not my fault some people are just so heartless.
if ive done my best,
at least i'll have no regrets and not feel guilty.
i have no right to dictate the choices that other people make.
and i dont want to dictate either.
from now on i shall learn to appreciate.
anyway,
there's an incentive for me to go to class now. hahahaha.
leelee. (:
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
CHOIR LATER.
and im wearing my dunman high uniform.
super duper excited okay.
i never wear it for more than a year already!
yep and the first choir prac of the year, im so excited!
but i'll be late cos of my stupid gse assessment.
its at 1500, and choir starts at 1500.
what the hell right.
den i cant act as a retarded year 1 already.
i hope the gse thingy takes only like 15mins?
dont waste my time lol.
going to camp from tmr to sat,
which means missing choir pracs again. wth la!
):
im in class now btw.
haha, which explains why i can blog.
. .... ...
those are words i'll never say.
uh lalala.
got so many questions in my head.
now i know what people mean by not thinking too much.
i used to think its impossible.
but now,
just learn to push negative thoughts away when you start thinking about them.
look on the bright side and try not to be negative.
think of happy stuff instead of upsetting things.
yeah.
and im learning to do all that.
am i still your cf? or is she yours now?
but still cant help feeling that things will never be the same.
it'll be a test of my determination later,
i hope i can do it.
rah.
**
this time its done,
never feel the same.
but we had some good times,
guess its sad just the same.
i guess the truth
doesnt matter some how,
but you were living proof,
of what love is about.
cool song right, heh. JONATHAN LEONG sang it hahaha (:
**
sometimes im really sad when people keep saying im a year0 (year-1 for last year).
cos its like,
we're all the same batch what!
i came in at the same time as them.
why arent i a year1?
its like isabelle can command respect from the year1s last year.
they dont insist that she's a junior,
in fact,
they think of a her as a senior.
why cant they do the same for me?
):
so sad lo!
being ip doesnt mean im immature.
in fact,
im considered very mature in ip okay.
):
i belong with the year twos la!
stop calling me a year zero.
**
okay random rantings i know.
i cant help remembering my 'brothers'.
from last year.
its rather saddening that i lost them,
just because of a wrong move i took.
sad.
the pain is still there.
i still miss the friendship i had with them.
but they'll never come back.
which is sad.
and that is why i dont want to regret again.
sigh.
you dont even know all these do you.
**
i kinda dislike you. no wait, i hate you.
dont bother to ask me who the person is.
you all dont know one.
**
i think my classmates are cute.
hahaha.
and im wearing my dunman high uniform.
super duper excited okay.
i never wear it for more than a year already!
yep and the first choir prac of the year, im so excited!
but i'll be late cos of my stupid gse assessment.
its at 1500, and choir starts at 1500.
what the hell right.
den i cant act as a retarded year 1 already.
i hope the gse thingy takes only like 15mins?
dont waste my time lol.
going to camp from tmr to sat,
which means missing choir pracs again. wth la!
):
im in class now btw.
haha, which explains why i can blog.
. .... ...
those are words i'll never say.
uh lalala.
got so many questions in my head.
now i know what people mean by not thinking too much.
i used to think its impossible.
but now,
just learn to push negative thoughts away when you start thinking about them.
look on the bright side and try not to be negative.
think of happy stuff instead of upsetting things.
yeah.
and im learning to do all that.
am i still your cf? or is she yours now?
but still cant help feeling that things will never be the same.
it'll be a test of my determination later,
i hope i can do it.
rah.
**
this time its done,
never feel the same.
but we had some good times,
guess its sad just the same.
i guess the truth
doesnt matter some how,
but you were living proof,
of what love is about.
cool song right, heh. JONATHAN LEONG sang it hahaha (:
**
sometimes im really sad when people keep saying im a year0 (year-1 for last year).
cos its like,
we're all the same batch what!
i came in at the same time as them.
why arent i a year1?
its like isabelle can command respect from the year1s last year.
they dont insist that she's a junior,
in fact,
they think of a her as a senior.
why cant they do the same for me?
):
so sad lo!
being ip doesnt mean im immature.
in fact,
im considered very mature in ip okay.
):
i belong with the year twos la!
stop calling me a year zero.
**
okay random rantings i know.
i cant help remembering my 'brothers'.
from last year.
its rather saddening that i lost them,
just because of a wrong move i took.
sad.
the pain is still there.
i still miss the friendship i had with them.
but they'll never come back.
which is sad.
and that is why i dont want to regret again.
sigh.
you dont even know all these do you.
**
i kinda dislike you. no wait, i hate you.
dont bother to ask me who the person is.
you all dont know one.
**
i think my classmates are cute.
hahaha.
Monday, January 08, 2007
everything's better now.
people are heartless i know,
but still, dont think so much and it'll be much better.
uh was reading wan ting's blog, and she talked about thinking about memories with friends.
and how they'll just bring a smile to your face naturally.
and coincidentally,
i was thinking about all the fun outings i had with the triplets.
cos i was looking at the photo i have of the four of us, which is hung on the wall at the foot of my bed. haha.
yeah and i spent about 15-30mins just sitting like a retard and thinking about our outings.
and it gave me a really warm and fuzzy feeling.
and of course, it brought a smile to my face.
haha no matter what, i still love the triplets. (:
i remember one of our first outings, the airport one. and it's really interesting how we came to get to know each other so well. haha.
cool picture right:D LOVE YALL (:
people are heartless i know,
but still, dont think so much and it'll be much better.
uh was reading wan ting's blog, and she talked about thinking about memories with friends.
and how they'll just bring a smile to your face naturally.
and coincidentally,
i was thinking about all the fun outings i had with the triplets.
cos i was looking at the photo i have of the four of us, which is hung on the wall at the foot of my bed. haha.
yeah and i spent about 15-30mins just sitting like a retard and thinking about our outings.
and it gave me a really warm and fuzzy feeling.
and of course, it brought a smile to my face.
haha no matter what, i still love the triplets. (:
i remember one of our first outings, the airport one. and it's really interesting how we came to get to know each other so well. haha.
cool picture right:D LOVE YALL (:
that was taken during caroling haha.
stupid wf and is favourite face. haha notice yizha in the background?
lol xy smiles retardedly, cute la uh. lol!
haha anyway, who can forget? my gang! i love them man, seriously. they rock. yes and our happy times? too many to even recount everyone of them hahaha. yes i must really really treasure the times spent with them this year, cos they're leaving already. ):
haha i love huggy photos (:
yeah my shell station! (:
LOVE THE CHOIR PEOPLE. ((:
haha anyway, okay i admit that im not fat. but still, my thighs are a bit out of proportion. cos its fatter than what it should be. the photo above shows it all! ):
anyway, went to crash guowei's og with alicea just now. it was some og from icaras haha. the people are quite friendly :D we went to some random person's house for pizza cos apparently his og ordered too much pizza, so it was free pizza for us! (: heh anyway i had fun with them, feel so comfortable omg. its great being a senior, cos you just dare to talk in front of everyone. yay orientation this year was quite interesting. i just LOVE being a senior (:
yep hope to crash suntec later. going with the choir people (: yep. im at wan ting's house now btw hahaha. if not how i blog?!
okay happy post today haha. ciao people! ((:
Wednesday, January 03, 2007
RAH.
super irritated.
RAH RAH RAH.
why is it that im the only one who bothers.
accept things for what they are?
yeah ive gotta learn to do that.
ive tried my best.
if youre so heartless.
you know what? i can do the same.
what i predicted all came true.
feel like slammig people.
but i shall grow up and be a nice person (:
RAH.
im still bloody irritated.
i wonder if you feel any sense of guilt.
i bet you dont.
cos youre heartless.
you know that?
esp when it comes to me.
RAH.
i still cant help thinking about it.
it stays at the back of my mind all the time.
i cant believe that im losing everything.
ive tried to be nice.
and i will continue trying,
but everything that goes on in my head,
will be for myself to know.
was reminded of the vahalla cheer,
FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL FIGHT KILL.
hahaha year 1s will know the true meaning of this.
**
on a lighter note,
new year resolutions!
want to write them down so that i can review them next year (:
1) study harder and depend on myself for my homework.
2) do consistent work.
3) dont fall asleep in class.
4) improve on my singing.
5) be more tolerant.
6) treasure all my year1 friends.
7) improve on my character.
8) be a friendlier person.
9) speak up in class.
10) be more involved in ip.
haha ok i cant think of any more.
**
i still cant help but be irritated.
RAH.
she's forever the nice girl.
and im the bad unreasonable wilful young kid.
shant keep harping on it,
in case i get slammed again.
im just glad that i have people behind me who are there to listen to me complain.
feel tempted to write something. but i wont.
control maymay (:
im really glad to have my clique.
really really.
at least i still have them.
no matter how much everything hurts,
at least i still have them.
i need my shell station man.
its like everyone else knows what i should do.
in fact, i know what i should do.
but saying it is much easier than doing it.
RAH,
im irritated and confused and hurt.
believe you? my ass.
**
anyway, i had a terrific new year countdown,
duper fun minus the underlying hurt and pain.
it feels good to be able to sing during the first few minutes of the new year.
its a good feeling. (:
a good sign that i'll continue singing.
yay.
ip2's gonna be so stressful and hectic.
enjoy the freedom while it lasts.
yeah and i'll be crashing o1 later! mass dance yay (:
**
irritating freaks.
superficial traitors.
bet you all dont know who im talkng about (:
ciao people. and wait a long time for me to blog again.
my comp is SEVERELY spoilt.
im in school btw if you havent figured hahaha.
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