i never knew how terrible it was to suddenly lose your loved ones .
a line the struck me hard in the movie, Confessions of Pain.
Saturday, December 30, 2006
i lost what i shouldnt have lost.
what exactly did you lose anyway?
is that really the case?
perhaps its something that should have been lost since long ago.
just that we had forced it to stay ours.
i thought i could do it.
but i realised that i couldnt.
it hurt too much.
i spend every single moment thinking of what i had lost,
and if i had made the right decision to do that.
it hurts so so so much.
but when i remember how much more you had hurt me,
i start to think that maybe i had made the right decision.
but still, it hurts that things had to come to this.
the next few days will be a test of my determination.
ytd was terrible for me. the acting, the laughing, the faking that everything was fine.
in a sense i feel a sort of release from this situation.
but it hurts that i had to lose such an important thing to me just to solve this problem.
i dont see anything wrong about disliking people.
afterall, we had never been good friends.
but so many people lash out at me,
and say that its wrong.
so i do what's right.
right for everybody,
but not for me.
i need the support and reassurance that i made the right choice.
for i am starting to doubt my decision.
my resolve might crumble any moment,
but i dont want to return to the life i used to live.
and that was to guess, and worry, and to feel neglected.
perhaps youre right. you dont deserve my concern.
but still,
i miss our friendship.
):
what exactly did you lose anyway?
is that really the case?
perhaps its something that should have been lost since long ago.
just that we had forced it to stay ours.
i thought i could do it.
but i realised that i couldnt.
it hurt too much.
i spend every single moment thinking of what i had lost,
and if i had made the right decision to do that.
it hurts so so so much.
but when i remember how much more you had hurt me,
i start to think that maybe i had made the right decision.
but still, it hurts that things had to come to this.
the next few days will be a test of my determination.
ytd was terrible for me. the acting, the laughing, the faking that everything was fine.
in a sense i feel a sort of release from this situation.
but it hurts that i had to lose such an important thing to me just to solve this problem.
i dont see anything wrong about disliking people.
afterall, we had never been good friends.
but so many people lash out at me,
and say that its wrong.
so i do what's right.
right for everybody,
but not for me.
i need the support and reassurance that i made the right choice.
for i am starting to doubt my decision.
my resolve might crumble any moment,
but i dont want to return to the life i used to live.
and that was to guess, and worry, and to feel neglected.
perhaps youre right. you dont deserve my concern.
but still,
i miss our friendship.
):
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
heartache.
that's all i can say.
im losing you, all of you.
and im told that my job is to not control it,
to let you all go.
it's something i have to learn to do.
and it's hard.
the pain it's causing me, it's unbearable.
im trying to do what's right.
'you feel right because you did something right,
you dont do something right just because you feel right.'
it's hurts so much.
that aching pain in your heart.
but i shall learn to control what i do.
'dont let your feelings control your actions.'
i wonder,
when i wasnt around,
did you all even wish that i was around?
there are so many questions that i wanna ask,
but somehow, i feel that isnt right for me to ask you anymore,
for you are no longer my close friend.
you're someone else's close friend now.
you talked through the night with her.
im not jealous, ive gone past that stage already.
its just that when i heard that that had happened,
i suddenly felt so distant from you.
like you were no longer my close friend.
i guess i was wrong to even treat you as my best friend.
whatever it is, perhaps its time for all of us to move on.
and you, i heard you singing that song with her.
guess its the same thing for you.
why has things come to this stage?
another clique is forming.
a clique that i detest.
but will have to accept no matter what.
because it is my job to compromise and let them make their own friends.
to not control them.
to just let go.
there are so many spiteful things that i can say.
and yet, i realise,
what for? why make yourself and the people around you miserable?
just contain the misery to yourself.
and then look for the shell station to pump it all out.
thanks shell station.
that's all i can say.
im losing you, all of you.
and im told that my job is to not control it,
to let you all go.
it's something i have to learn to do.
and it's hard.
the pain it's causing me, it's unbearable.
im trying to do what's right.
'you feel right because you did something right,
you dont do something right just because you feel right.'
it's hurts so much.
that aching pain in your heart.
but i shall learn to control what i do.
'dont let your feelings control your actions.'
i wonder,
when i wasnt around,
did you all even wish that i was around?
there are so many questions that i wanna ask,
but somehow, i feel that isnt right for me to ask you anymore,
for you are no longer my close friend.
you're someone else's close friend now.
you talked through the night with her.
im not jealous, ive gone past that stage already.
its just that when i heard that that had happened,
i suddenly felt so distant from you.
like you were no longer my close friend.
i guess i was wrong to even treat you as my best friend.
whatever it is, perhaps its time for all of us to move on.
and you, i heard you singing that song with her.
guess its the same thing for you.
why has things come to this stage?
another clique is forming.
a clique that i detest.
but will have to accept no matter what.
because it is my job to compromise and let them make their own friends.
to not control them.
to just let go.
there are so many spiteful things that i can say.
and yet, i realise,
what for? why make yourself and the people around you miserable?
just contain the misery to yourself.
and then look for the shell station to pump it all out.
thanks shell station.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
the picture is still there. as my phone's mini wallpaper and as my msn display picture.
i wonder what happened to us. are we drifting apart?
or is it the introduction of new people?
it pains me to see us in this state.
and i hate it that i cant control my feelings.
i hate it that i always throw tantrums.
i dont want to. why havent i changed?
guess its not as easy as i thought it was.
**
xmas. it's something that never mattered to me.
but this year, it did. (:
recieved lotsa cards from people. yes, and some esp heartwarming messages from my close friends (:
xmas is a period of caring and sharing, yes and some people really touched my heart :D
carolling brought us all closer together in some way or another. and brought some of us apart. but still its an experience that i would never forget.
yes and the grand reunion was WOAH. as i was standing there with all the seniors and fellow choir mates. i really felt very warm and fuzzy inside. and i was really glad to be part of this big victoria family. and that sense of pride i felt when i was singing with everyone, its indescribable. the sound we produced, its like so heavenly and awe-inspiring. yes. its at times like these when i realise that i do love vj choir. (:
yes and i got to talk to a few year twos today. mainly weijie, jonathan gan and jeremy yeo. guess they're like the few year twos im relatively close to. got to hug them today yay! :D haha take care you guys and dont ever forget me alright! (:
**
RAH. i hate it when im made to be a big baddie or something.
argh.
shoo.
**
interesting new phrase:
im your shell station; refill your happiness.
thank you shell station :D
i wonder what happened to us. are we drifting apart?
or is it the introduction of new people?
it pains me to see us in this state.
and i hate it that i cant control my feelings.
i hate it that i always throw tantrums.
i dont want to. why havent i changed?
guess its not as easy as i thought it was.
**
xmas. it's something that never mattered to me.
but this year, it did. (:
recieved lotsa cards from people. yes, and some esp heartwarming messages from my close friends (:
xmas is a period of caring and sharing, yes and some people really touched my heart :D
carolling brought us all closer together in some way or another. and brought some of us apart. but still its an experience that i would never forget.
yes and the grand reunion was WOAH. as i was standing there with all the seniors and fellow choir mates. i really felt very warm and fuzzy inside. and i was really glad to be part of this big victoria family. and that sense of pride i felt when i was singing with everyone, its indescribable. the sound we produced, its like so heavenly and awe-inspiring. yes. its at times like these when i realise that i do love vj choir. (:
yes and i got to talk to a few year twos today. mainly weijie, jonathan gan and jeremy yeo. guess they're like the few year twos im relatively close to. got to hug them today yay! :D haha take care you guys and dont ever forget me alright! (:
**
RAH. i hate it when im made to be a big baddie or something.
argh.
shoo.
**
interesting new phrase:
im your shell station; refill your happiness.
thank you shell station :D
Saturday, December 23, 2006
have you ever felt like all the people that were important to you were slowly slipping away?
and that to their eyes you are just being unreasonable?
have you ever wondered how things could hurt so much that it scares you?
and how the people who hurt you so much could go on laughing?
have you ever felt heartache?
**
my comp's still screwed. writing in wordpad now. let's see if internet explorer will be nice to me. if you can see this in my blog, it means internet explorer was nice. lol.
today was a relatively fun day.
sops sounded better today, for some weird reason. we were more blended. yes and i was more on form, not as sucky as ytd. but i feel my voice going =/ probably because of the clam chowder?
yes the first session at ritz was quite soft. the sound was alright, but we were just plain soft. yeah the second session was much better. we sounded much louder and much more energetic :D yeah. except for the screwed up we wish you, i basically enjoyed myself during the second session. yes and a lot of seniors came back today. which was cool. it's been some time since ive seen such a big choir. not that we were very big, but it's just that its much bigger than the usual number. so during the third session, we were all blasting. about 1/4 into the third session, it started raining, and it was really ironic cos when the session started, i was thinking that we were lucky that it wasnt raining-.- yeah so we were moved into this small shelter. and so we werent as impressive. which was quite a sad thing cos we were really quite loud. ): i was hoping we would get more tips. lol. but whatever it is, it was fun :D
yes and i had fun talking to some of the seniors. its great to see some of my crapping partners again (: yes and i talked to some year3s, like just a bit of crap talk. was feeling quite happy about it cos hey its not everyday you see year3s. im such a friendly junior :D
yay just recieved two christmas cards. from shiyun and from yuting. a big thank you! :D
anyway, i wanna say thank you to the people who care. at least you all bother to ask about me.
and there is one person whom i can say is my best friend now, thanks for always tolerating me. i shall try to change. you mean a lot to me and yeah sorry for always giving you shit. youre a nice person and a nice friend. thank you. you know who you are.
i hope this post gets onto my blog =/
[edit] it did (:
and that to their eyes you are just being unreasonable?
have you ever wondered how things could hurt so much that it scares you?
and how the people who hurt you so much could go on laughing?
have you ever felt heartache?
**
my comp's still screwed. writing in wordpad now. let's see if internet explorer will be nice to me. if you can see this in my blog, it means internet explorer was nice. lol.
today was a relatively fun day.
sops sounded better today, for some weird reason. we were more blended. yes and i was more on form, not as sucky as ytd. but i feel my voice going =/ probably because of the clam chowder?
yes the first session at ritz was quite soft. the sound was alright, but we were just plain soft. yeah the second session was much better. we sounded much louder and much more energetic :D yeah. except for the screwed up we wish you, i basically enjoyed myself during the second session. yes and a lot of seniors came back today. which was cool. it's been some time since ive seen such a big choir. not that we were very big, but it's just that its much bigger than the usual number. so during the third session, we were all blasting. about 1/4 into the third session, it started raining, and it was really ironic cos when the session started, i was thinking that we were lucky that it wasnt raining-.- yeah so we were moved into this small shelter. and so we werent as impressive. which was quite a sad thing cos we were really quite loud. ): i was hoping we would get more tips. lol. but whatever it is, it was fun :D
yes and i had fun talking to some of the seniors. its great to see some of my crapping partners again (: yes and i talked to some year3s, like just a bit of crap talk. was feeling quite happy about it cos hey its not everyday you see year3s. im such a friendly junior :D
yay just recieved two christmas cards. from shiyun and from yuting. a big thank you! :D
anyway, i wanna say thank you to the people who care. at least you all bother to ask about me.
and there is one person whom i can say is my best friend now, thanks for always tolerating me. i shall try to change. you mean a lot to me and yeah sorry for always giving you shit. youre a nice person and a nice friend. thank you. you know who you are.
i hope this post gets onto my blog =/
[edit] it did (:
Saturday, December 16, 2006
was thinking about quite a few things.
i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.
and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.
went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme
i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.
and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.
went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme
was thinking about quite a few things.
i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.
and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.
went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme
i realised that i go about my day-to-day affairs with a heavy heart.
was talking to jialing a few days back and i commented to her that i feel sad most of the time. in fact, i've kinda forgotten how it feels like to be happy and to have a satisfying day. uh.
and i realised that im not close to many people. im a very biased person, and when i like a person more than another, i start to spend more time with that particular person. and it's bad for my social circle. i feel like ive drifted away from many people. and sometimes i wonder, who are the people who will continue to be my friends still adulthood? how many of these people whom i hang out with everday will i still keep in touch with after they leave? was thinking about the 2b friends. i remember we set a date to meet up when we are 30 years old. how many of us will turn up on that day? i bet no one would. and that's a sad feeling.
went for dhschoir chalet two days ago. i felt so lost. hung out mostly with jerrold, huping, and rayrin, mostly the vj clan. yeah and juntao came along with us too. i was really sad that i hardly talked to the sistas. what happened to our friendship? or maybe it's just me who was drifting away. also, i looked at the people in the chalet and i felt so lost, i didnt know what to say to them. and yet i reme
Thursday, December 14, 2006
i dont like to feel sad.
and unhappy.
but sometimes you just realise you dont really mean much to anyone.
although you've always known that all along, but sometimes you just try not to believe it.
and when you are forced to accept it, it really feels very bad. sigh.
i know i shouldnt be feeling sad, but i cant help it.
sigh.
life is boring.
it's sad to feel unloved and uncared for.
and unhappy.
but sometimes you just realise you dont really mean much to anyone.
although you've always known that all along, but sometimes you just try not to believe it.
and when you are forced to accept it, it really feels very bad. sigh.
i know i shouldnt be feeling sad, but i cant help it.
sigh.
life is boring.
it's sad to feel unloved and uncared for.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
hello people.
my computer is so screwed. it's even dismantled -.- and no one in my family bothers to fix it lol. so dont blame me for not updating my blog :D
hmm. the musical was great. :D fantastic wheehee.
malacca was great too. it was fun for me and i learnt a lot of things, be it for singing or for friendships and such.
im so gonna miss this batch of choir people. i really love them, and it wasnt easy for us to get to know each other this well and for us to get this comfortable with each other. i'm really gonna miss you guy next year when yall leave. please please go to pattaya alright :D
anyway, the choir clique's expanding :D the year zeros are joining us now. and some more people are starting to join us, like fran and heli :D the malacca trip really bonded us together (:
anyway, my homework's rather screwed, taking my time to read all the books. ah they're quite boring, but i'll pull through.
more choir pracs to look forward to (: yay. and i feel im really improving significantly. a great big thanks to the many people who have been encouraging me and teaching me :D
friendships are delicate things, and it takes a lot of time and effort to maintain it. but it really feels great when you reap what you sow :D and something someone told me makes sense, you must feel like you've got to know a person better after a fight, if not it defeats that purpose. im glad that im nearly always able to patch up with my friends after a big fight, and it makes us become better friends. thank goodness for that :D
i miss my class, esp movie marathons! :D meet up soon alright (:
anyway, i think im really gonna see the choir everyday for the rest of this holiday. lol. (:
at danny's house now btw, which explains why i can use the computer. wahahaha.
i shall disappear for another long period of time. ciao :D
my computer is so screwed. it's even dismantled -.- and no one in my family bothers to fix it lol. so dont blame me for not updating my blog :D
hmm. the musical was great. :D fantastic wheehee.
malacca was great too. it was fun for me and i learnt a lot of things, be it for singing or for friendships and such.
im so gonna miss this batch of choir people. i really love them, and it wasnt easy for us to get to know each other this well and for us to get this comfortable with each other. i'm really gonna miss you guy next year when yall leave. please please go to pattaya alright :D
anyway, the choir clique's expanding :D the year zeros are joining us now. and some more people are starting to join us, like fran and heli :D the malacca trip really bonded us together (:
anyway, my homework's rather screwed, taking my time to read all the books. ah they're quite boring, but i'll pull through.
more choir pracs to look forward to (: yay. and i feel im really improving significantly. a great big thanks to the many people who have been encouraging me and teaching me :D
friendships are delicate things, and it takes a lot of time and effort to maintain it. but it really feels great when you reap what you sow :D and something someone told me makes sense, you must feel like you've got to know a person better after a fight, if not it defeats that purpose. im glad that im nearly always able to patch up with my friends after a big fight, and it makes us become better friends. thank goodness for that :D
i miss my class, esp movie marathons! :D meet up soon alright (:
anyway, i think im really gonna see the choir everyday for the rest of this holiday. lol. (:
at danny's house now btw, which explains why i can use the computer. wahahaha.
i shall disappear for another long period of time. ciao :D
Saturday, November 25, 2006
due to popular demand, i shall blog now.
hmm. im at rayrin's house. lol, which explain's why i can blog(my comp's still spoilt).
yep so anyway, i went to try a quiz that shuwei, oliver, wan ting and dawn did. lol. it's really rather accurate.
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
that's what many people think of me. lol. i think.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
quite true. lol that's provided i fall in love.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
hmm that depends cos i havent met the right person yet.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
VERY VERY VERY true. wahaha. im a mugger what.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
that is true too. lol.
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
hmm, i used to think success was everything. but im starting to doubt that. so maybe it's true to an extent.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
that is quite true. about the showing anger part. lol.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
quite true. lol look ppl, im mature, reasonable and honest. wahaha.
~~
im quite sick of choir pracs recently. quite tiring. everyday 9am. cool ah.
hmm, its interesting that the year zeros are joining us now. lol i really feel like a senior. yay, MAY THE SENIOR :D
uhhuh, im tired. tired. tired. blah.
sian. i really shouldnt have done all the read between the lines. argh! now the whole world knows. and rayrin and xianyong found out today too. SUCKS.
ok i shall go play mahjong now since xianyong wants to surf the net.
dont expect another entry from me anytime soon.
BYE.
i told you. no more read between the lines. shoo!
hmm. im at rayrin's house. lol, which explain's why i can blog(my comp's still spoilt).
yep so anyway, i went to try a quiz that shuwei, oliver, wan ting and dawn did. lol. it's really rather accurate.
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
that's what many people think of me. lol. i think.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.
quite true. lol that's provided i fall in love.
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
hmm that depends cos i havent met the right person yet.
The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
VERY VERY VERY true. wahaha. im a mugger what.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
that is true too. lol.
How do you view success:
Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.
hmm, i used to think success was everything. but im starting to doubt that. so maybe it's true to an extent.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
that is quite true. about the showing anger part. lol.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
quite true. lol look ppl, im mature, reasonable and honest. wahaha.
~~
im quite sick of choir pracs recently. quite tiring. everyday 9am. cool ah.
hmm, its interesting that the year zeros are joining us now. lol i really feel like a senior. yay, MAY THE SENIOR :D
uhhuh, im tired. tired. tired. blah.
sian. i really shouldnt have done all the read between the lines. argh! now the whole world knows. and rayrin and xianyong found out today too. SUCKS.
ok i shall go play mahjong now since xianyong wants to surf the net.
dont expect another entry from me anytime soon.
BYE.
i told you. no more read between the lines. shoo!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Friday, November 10, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
so. was supposed to go swimming today hahaha. but dint! we went to shixuan's house, and in the end it was so cloudy we decided not to swim. aw sad. so we went to play cards. yeap. haha quite dumb la. and we watched jerrold suan dawn like siao hahahaha. yeah so we decided to go to yuting's house to watch movies since we werent swimming anymore. yeah, so we walked from shixuan's house to parkway. like O.O! lol.
met wan ting and yizha at parkway and proceeded to yuting's house together. lol yeah they were suaning jerrold like mad on the bus la, and being the nice me, i dint really join in hahaha. im so nice right :D
im happy to just be beside you.
yeah after that we walked a LONG way to yuting's house. yeap. watched billy elliot and HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL! hahaha. billy elliot was.. ok la. lol, high school musical was nice :D as always haha. yeap and we played mahjong too. i won two times! haha im on a lucky streak today man. yay. uhhuh so that's basically my day. lol dint do much actually la.
i know you care.
im wondering what we're gonna do tmr. hmm. huping's not going out with us lo. hahaha.
met wan ting and yizha at parkway and proceeded to yuting's house together. lol yeah they were suaning jerrold like mad on the bus la, and being the nice me, i dint really join in hahaha. im so nice right :D
im happy to just be beside you.
yeah after that we walked a LONG way to yuting's house. yeap. watched billy elliot and HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL! hahaha. billy elliot was.. ok la. lol, high school musical was nice :D as always haha. yeap and we played mahjong too. i won two times! haha im on a lucky streak today man. yay. uhhuh so that's basically my day. lol dint do much actually la.
i know you care.
im wondering what we're gonna do tmr. hmm. huping's not going out with us lo. hahaha.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
there was choir today. hah.
you made me sad.
my dearest poh wan ting was freaking late again as usual. well we were supposed to meet at 1130 to go and buy our tops but YET, she woke up at 1130. hahaha. so we met at 1230 instead. i waited for ONE HOUR for poh wan ting ok! LOL. yeah so she owes me a kiss now(:
yeah so we spent some quality time together, talked about a few things hahaha. not like PRIVATELY intimate things la. but it was kinda like a sharing session. hahaha see wan ting loves me. no matter what she says. uh yeah. haha so we bought our tops. wan ting and me are wearing matching tops for the factory worker scene YAY. :D yeah so we ate lunch and then went back to vj. ohh we saw an albino during lunch! freaking cool i tell you, his eyelashes were WHITE! omg right. i think being an albino's cool, but quite poor thing too, there's definitely a lot of staring everywhere you go. which is quite irritating i think.
yeah after that we went for choir. aye they cheated my feelings la! debbie said on mon that we might have carolling prac today, in the end she say dont have! )): damn sad i brought my carolling book somemore, so heavy la! was looking so forward to having carolling prac alright. sighh. ooh yeah so we did musical today. hmm i think its tiring to do the musical. yeah. after that we did il coro for a while. it felt so great to sing il coro after singing all those crappy musical songs alright wahaha :D
why are you being so cold again?
yeap anyway, i finally know my carolling group! wan ting, shuwei, yizha, oliver, martin, wayne, xianyong and possibly yuting will be in my carolling group. YAY (: huping was supposed to be here too, aww he got switched with jeremy gan. sad right! ): nevermind, at least my group's nice, ANNDD, we're going ritz! YAY. double YAY la. hahaha. :D i hope there'll be no more shuffles! LOL. hope everything stays. dont change le lol!
be nice to me please?
uhhuh so after choir i went with yuting wan ting and jerrold to eat bak kut teh. haha they ate other stuff, but it felt so good to eat bak kut teh after so long alright. i love bak kut teh! :D yeah so had quite a lot of fun talking to them. we were talking about babies, and husbands and all those stuff. haha rather interesting yeah, laughed a lot la :D
i wanna go out tmr! feel a bit like mugging hahaha. cos i feel that i really needa revise on my stuff and to catch up with whatever i am lagging behind. yes finish my homework too. i need tuition for maths la. sigh i always wonder why i am so dumb when it comes to maths. zzz. ooh i need to study my sciences too. improve on them lol. yeah. mugger may! :D
you made me sad.
my dearest poh wan ting was freaking late again as usual. well we were supposed to meet at 1130 to go and buy our tops but YET, she woke up at 1130. hahaha. so we met at 1230 instead. i waited for ONE HOUR for poh wan ting ok! LOL. yeah so she owes me a kiss now(:
yeah so we spent some quality time together, talked about a few things hahaha. not like PRIVATELY intimate things la. but it was kinda like a sharing session. hahaha see wan ting loves me. no matter what she says. uh yeah. haha so we bought our tops. wan ting and me are wearing matching tops for the factory worker scene YAY. :D yeah so we ate lunch and then went back to vj. ohh we saw an albino during lunch! freaking cool i tell you, his eyelashes were WHITE! omg right. i think being an albino's cool, but quite poor thing too, there's definitely a lot of staring everywhere you go. which is quite irritating i think.
yeah after that we went for choir. aye they cheated my feelings la! debbie said on mon that we might have carolling prac today, in the end she say dont have! )): damn sad i brought my carolling book somemore, so heavy la! was looking so forward to having carolling prac alright. sighh. ooh yeah so we did musical today. hmm i think its tiring to do the musical. yeah. after that we did il coro for a while. it felt so great to sing il coro after singing all those crappy musical songs alright wahaha :D
why are you being so cold again?
yeap anyway, i finally know my carolling group! wan ting, shuwei, yizha, oliver, martin, wayne, xianyong and possibly yuting will be in my carolling group. YAY (: huping was supposed to be here too, aww he got switched with jeremy gan. sad right! ): nevermind, at least my group's nice, ANNDD, we're going ritz! YAY. double YAY la. hahaha. :D i hope there'll be no more shuffles! LOL. hope everything stays. dont change le lol!
be nice to me please?
uhhuh so after choir i went with yuting wan ting and jerrold to eat bak kut teh. haha they ate other stuff, but it felt so good to eat bak kut teh after so long alright. i love bak kut teh! :D yeah so had quite a lot of fun talking to them. we were talking about babies, and husbands and all those stuff. haha rather interesting yeah, laughed a lot la :D
i wanna go out tmr! feel a bit like mugging hahaha. cos i feel that i really needa revise on my stuff and to catch up with whatever i am lagging behind. yes finish my homework too. i need tuition for maths la. sigh i always wonder why i am so dumb when it comes to maths. zzz. ooh i need to study my sciences too. improve on them lol. yeah. mugger may! :D
gosh. i cant believe i just spent like 3hours ++ playing shopmania. hahaha see this is what you get when you download a game just because you're bored. i played until my wrist is aching and my fingers are numb from clicking. and i should actually be sleeping now. ok i guess im too energetic now cos i slept such a humongous lot today hahaha. i shouldnt keep sleeping uh. cos then i'll be a pig. and im not one. hahaha. this reminds me of the time when the triplets called me 'zhu'. hahaha. they even bought me a pink pig keychain. aww so sweet right. it's still on my handphone :D wahaha. but that's not the point. uhh. so now im blogging about how much my fingers and hands are aching. my lovely nice pretty fingers. hahaha. i should do some exercises for my hands uh. loosen up the muscles yeah baby.
so, i spent all my time at home basically cross stitching and playing the computer. hardly did anything constructive. oh yeah speaking of cross stitching, im so proud of myself! i finally finished the cross stitch from last year! (: waha slow but at least i finished it. my sister's not even 3/4 done with hers hahaha. yeah. and yes i slept. whee. it feels so good to be able to slack huh. finding time for oneself is very important (:
my room is in SUCH a huge mess now i totally dont even want to turn around to look at it. see im such a procrastinator. i know i should clean up my room, and i want to, but im to lazy to do it. blah. i hate dirty and messy places. but i just cant help it. BLAH.
oh yeah im not even sleepy now hahaha basically typing a crap post. hmm, what should i wear for choir tmr? hahaha. what a bimbo question. but that's what i always ask myself. hmm. shall think uhh.
thinking of you :D
ok so can anyone tell im in a good mood today? hahaha. shall keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking. puts me in a good mood lalala. im happy with the situation now. i know it'll change. but just let me be happy with it? wahaha. haha. hahaha. (: cant help being in a good mood sorry. hahaha. let's just hope tmr will be fine yeah. i hope my mood wont go down again. cos i realise that 50% of the time im always in a bad mood during choir =/ i cant help it you know, i want to be in a good mood too. but sometimes, things just happen to put me in a bad mood. blahh.
im not exactly like, darn excited about the musical. im more excited about malacca and carolling hahaha. let's just hope i dont get my period in malacca. cos having your period when youre overseas is one of the worst things that can happen. ): uhhuh. let's just hope and hope hahaha. carolling will be fun. lol. i miss singing competition songs though. lol that's why i like to sing il coro so much, even though its like so freaking high. blah. the jap song sucks, but still, it's a competition song at least haha. i miss the italy songs. ): and i was thinking about sov too. i miss our choreo. it was really darn fun! (: miss dancing with martin too hahaha. he was really a great dance partner :D yay ip power!
uhhuh. there's tons of homework to be completed if im not wrong. what chinese project etc etc. crap la. one more year and chinese will be OVER for me! yay. but im fine with chinese anyway, i dont exactly do VERY badly for it yepyep. im still worried about maths. ): ive been worried about maths since sec2 luh! how sad. i wonder why my maths is so lousy when my sciences are so good. that's weird man. i shall TRY HARDER for maths. yes yes listen in class more attentively and all that.
i love my ring tone, zha zha zha zha chu zhou lub chou la ja ja ja zhao zha zha zha zhao.
oh anyway, i need props for the musical. so far, i havent managed to get a prostitute accessory (furry fan/mary poppins umbrella/lacey hanky). anyone has? please lend me! (: yeap and i still need to buy a top to complete my outfits lol. i dont really like all my outfits for les mis. abit the revealing uh. sigh. dont like dont like. ):
i shall think positive. hughughug.
ok this is enough crap for you people to put up with lol. tmr going with wanting to buy my lacey top. yeap so i shall catch up on MORE beauty sleep wahaha. (: cya people!
so, i spent all my time at home basically cross stitching and playing the computer. hardly did anything constructive. oh yeah speaking of cross stitching, im so proud of myself! i finally finished the cross stitch from last year! (: waha slow but at least i finished it. my sister's not even 3/4 done with hers hahaha. yeah. and yes i slept. whee. it feels so good to be able to slack huh. finding time for oneself is very important (:
my room is in SUCH a huge mess now i totally dont even want to turn around to look at it. see im such a procrastinator. i know i should clean up my room, and i want to, but im to lazy to do it. blah. i hate dirty and messy places. but i just cant help it. BLAH.
oh yeah im not even sleepy now hahaha basically typing a crap post. hmm, what should i wear for choir tmr? hahaha. what a bimbo question. but that's what i always ask myself. hmm. shall think uhh.
thinking of you :D
ok so can anyone tell im in a good mood today? hahaha. shall keep thinking, and thinking, and thinking. puts me in a good mood lalala. im happy with the situation now. i know it'll change. but just let me be happy with it? wahaha. haha. hahaha. (: cant help being in a good mood sorry. hahaha. let's just hope tmr will be fine yeah. i hope my mood wont go down again. cos i realise that 50% of the time im always in a bad mood during choir =/ i cant help it you know, i want to be in a good mood too. but sometimes, things just happen to put me in a bad mood. blahh.
im not exactly like, darn excited about the musical. im more excited about malacca and carolling hahaha. let's just hope i dont get my period in malacca. cos having your period when youre overseas is one of the worst things that can happen. ): uhhuh. let's just hope and hope hahaha. carolling will be fun. lol. i miss singing competition songs though. lol that's why i like to sing il coro so much, even though its like so freaking high. blah. the jap song sucks, but still, it's a competition song at least haha. i miss the italy songs. ): and i was thinking about sov too. i miss our choreo. it was really darn fun! (: miss dancing with martin too hahaha. he was really a great dance partner :D yay ip power!
uhhuh. there's tons of homework to be completed if im not wrong. what chinese project etc etc. crap la. one more year and chinese will be OVER for me! yay. but im fine with chinese anyway, i dont exactly do VERY badly for it yepyep. im still worried about maths. ): ive been worried about maths since sec2 luh! how sad. i wonder why my maths is so lousy when my sciences are so good. that's weird man. i shall TRY HARDER for maths. yes yes listen in class more attentively and all that.
i love my ring tone, zha zha zha zha chu zhou lub chou la ja ja ja zhao zha zha zha zhao.
oh anyway, i need props for the musical. so far, i havent managed to get a prostitute accessory (furry fan/mary poppins umbrella/lacey hanky). anyone has? please lend me! (: yeap and i still need to buy a top to complete my outfits lol. i dont really like all my outfits for les mis. abit the revealing uh. sigh. dont like dont like. ):
i shall think positive. hughughug.
ok this is enough crap for you people to put up with lol. tmr going with wanting to buy my lacey top. yeap so i shall catch up on MORE beauty sleep wahaha. (: cya people!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
its been a few days since i last blogged. lol, miss me? xD
anyway, life's been fine nowadays. ive decided to drop RM. hope im not making the wrong decisions. hmm.
yeah, i shall forgive and forget. what for keep holding a grudge just for my face? saving a friendship is more important i guess. anyway, you're dumb cos you dont even know im talking about you ><
anyway, its been getting better. hahaha. somehow its not so distant now. the 'it' is another totally different matter btw hahaha. i hope this lasts. although i know it wont, but ah i shall just treasure it for now. maybe those days will come back. hahaha, april :D
i wonder if anyone knows what im talking about. so vague ><
yeahh i know my carolling group already. basses not comfirmed yet, but i really really hope that my group will be the bitchy group (i.e. have hp and yizha and oliver hahaha), sigh no jerr. that's sad. and no yuting, that's sad too. ): NO RAYRIN. even sadder. ahhh.
nevermind carolling will be fun anyway, martin's conducting! YAY :D ohh there's carolling prac tmr anyway hahaha. its been a long time. anyway, people, buy tickets from me leh!
anyway, life's been fine nowadays. ive decided to drop RM. hope im not making the wrong decisions. hmm.
yeah, i shall forgive and forget. what for keep holding a grudge just for my face? saving a friendship is more important i guess. anyway, you're dumb cos you dont even know im talking about you ><
anyway, its been getting better. hahaha. somehow its not so distant now. the 'it' is another totally different matter btw hahaha. i hope this lasts. although i know it wont, but ah i shall just treasure it for now. maybe those days will come back. hahaha, april :D
i wonder if anyone knows what im talking about. so vague ><
yeahh i know my carolling group already. basses not comfirmed yet, but i really really hope that my group will be the bitchy group (i.e. have hp and yizha and oliver hahaha), sigh no jerr. that's sad. and no yuting, that's sad too. ): NO RAYRIN. even sadder. ahhh.
nevermind carolling will be fun anyway, martin's conducting! YAY :D ohh there's carolling prac tmr anyway hahaha. its been a long time. anyway, people, buy tickets from me leh!
Friday, November 03, 2006
i just got that RM email from mr teo, said i got into the second round, and now its up to the SMP to approve. hmm i should be feeling happy now? but im not exactly.. urgh. was starting to think whether it would be a bad choice to apply for SMP, cos i seriously dunno if i can commit. i hope it doesnt clash with choir =/ see i dont like troublesome things and the SMP is really troublesome. and youknow what, i really hate doing projects. and SMP will just be ANOTHER imagineering, although of course SMP will be more interesting and more useful. eurgh. shant think about it. i just hope i dont give up on SMP.
**
i just spent an hour and a half reading through our past msn convos, and memories came flooding back. i kinda forgotten all about you this past week or so, and i was just seriously SO dumb to go and read the saved msg convos.
'anyway, i wont hate you la!
haha
why you think that way'
'lol just think that way la'
'must have faith in me
im your good friend'
'i still remember what you said the other day
wad wo xuan ze le ni
LOL that was hilarious la'
'oh lol
trying to make some link ma
also to cheer you up'
'im really glad to have you as a friend
hope nothing changes'
'yay i managed to get you to say it a 2nd time'
'eh arent you thankful you have me as a friend too'
'yeah im doubly thankful'
'i dun take it to heart cos i know you like me alot'
'HUMPH
i like you alot
but you dont like me alot
SEEE'
'i like you alot la'
'u gotta trust me can'
'i dont
so how?'
'gotta learn how to'
'because i expect you to go ma
and look forward to seeing you'
'i also look forward to seeing u what. im sad too'
'do you like me alot?'
'yes if not i wouldnt regard you as my close fren'
'i can uds why i like you alot
but i dont uds why you like me alot'
'then why you like me alot'
'because youre very nice?'
'i like u alot cuz u can cheer me up and make life happier for me
and oso i find it very easy and comfortable to talk to you'
'will you ever dislike me?
i scared
i dont want our friendship to change
i like it the way it is now'
'thr's only one ans to it as for now
i cant say i will dislike you'
'i dont uds'
'lol
im your close fren
just bear in mind that'
'i treasure my frens
unless they dont treasure me'
'i treasure you leh
you should be honoured'
'i'll learn to cherish you as a friend (:'
'dont worry la we'll learn to cherish'
'haha did you have fun today?'
'i really had fun la'
'ok that's good :D'
'then did u have fun?'
'haha
was very fun'
that's just some exerpts of what we said to each other last time. HA. how ironic to look back and to compare it with the situation now. where did all the 'treasuring', 'cherishing', 'i wont dislike you la' go to? its really sad you know. when i read through our past convos, i realised that you did care for me. but i guess it doesnt apply anymore. sigh. its rather sad to lose something that i really wanted to keep. i guess my worst fears came true. sigh. im really miss our friendship back then, i wonder who had changed. is it me or is it you? or maybe it was just the both of us, or maybe we both just got sick of each other.
but then, i realise that what you SAY doenst tally with what you do. i bet you dont miss our friendship at all. and i was thinking, maybe you SAID you cared, but you didnt in actual fact. sigh. i dont like guessing games. and i guess i was quite stupid to have read the convo, cos it just made me miss our friendship. sigh.
i know it'll be a long time before you read this thing. and im wondering if you would even feel anything upon reading this post. i bet you will just think im being emo again. sigh.
this is an emo post. blah.
'but hey i dont mind being best friends'. ):
**
i just spent an hour and a half reading through our past msn convos, and memories came flooding back. i kinda forgotten all about you this past week or so, and i was just seriously SO dumb to go and read the saved msg convos.
'anyway, i wont hate you la!
haha
why you think that way'
'lol just think that way la'
'must have faith in me
im your good friend'
'i still remember what you said the other day
wad wo xuan ze le ni
LOL that was hilarious la'
'oh lol
trying to make some link ma
also to cheer you up'
'im really glad to have you as a friend
hope nothing changes'
'yay i managed to get you to say it a 2nd time'
'eh arent you thankful you have me as a friend too'
'yeah im doubly thankful'
'i dun take it to heart cos i know you like me alot'
'HUMPH
i like you alot
but you dont like me alot
SEEE'
'i like you alot la'
'u gotta trust me can'
'i dont
so how?'
'gotta learn how to'
'because i expect you to go ma
and look forward to seeing you'
'i also look forward to seeing u what. im sad too'
'do you like me alot?'
'yes if not i wouldnt regard you as my close fren'
'i can uds why i like you alot
but i dont uds why you like me alot'
'then why you like me alot'
'because youre very nice?'
'i like u alot cuz u can cheer me up and make life happier for me
and oso i find it very easy and comfortable to talk to you'
'will you ever dislike me?
i scared
i dont want our friendship to change
i like it the way it is now'
'thr's only one ans to it as for now
i cant say i will dislike you'
'i dont uds'
'lol
im your close fren
just bear in mind that'
'i treasure my frens
unless they dont treasure me'
'i treasure you leh
you should be honoured'
'i'll learn to cherish you as a friend (:'
'dont worry la we'll learn to cherish'
'haha did you have fun today?'
'i really had fun la'
'ok that's good :D'
'then did u have fun?'
'haha
was very fun'
that's just some exerpts of what we said to each other last time. HA. how ironic to look back and to compare it with the situation now. where did all the 'treasuring', 'cherishing', 'i wont dislike you la' go to? its really sad you know. when i read through our past convos, i realised that you did care for me. but i guess it doesnt apply anymore. sigh. its rather sad to lose something that i really wanted to keep. i guess my worst fears came true. sigh. im really miss our friendship back then, i wonder who had changed. is it me or is it you? or maybe it was just the both of us, or maybe we both just got sick of each other.
but then, i realise that what you SAY doenst tally with what you do. i bet you dont miss our friendship at all. and i was thinking, maybe you SAID you cared, but you didnt in actual fact. sigh. i dont like guessing games. and i guess i was quite stupid to have read the convo, cos it just made me miss our friendship. sigh.
i know it'll be a long time before you read this thing. and im wondering if you would even feel anything upon reading this post. i bet you will just think im being emo again. sigh.
this is an emo post. blah.
'but hey i dont mind being best friends'. ):
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