this time its gone,
never feel the same.
but we had some good times,
guess its sad just the same.

**

exams have started.

i screwed everything up.

ok so let's see;

mon; lang arts paper1 and 2. (screwed la. but i did my best.)
chinese paper 1 (not screwed, but you'll never know what can happen)
tues; social studies (comfirm screwed)
wed; biology (the paper that i wanted to do well for, and yet i screwed it up)
chinese paper2 (it was fine, but then again, you'll never know)
thurs; physics (screwed)
physics practical (i went to change my answers. x.x so its screwed too)
fri; maths. (TOTALLY SCREWED. its the paper i HAD to pass. and i screwed it up.)

HELLO MATHS R PAPER (:
nice to meet you!

zzz.

what's bloody wrong with me?
i studied so hard.
and its all going down the drain.
i wanted to prove to my daddy that im putting in effort for my studies too.
not just for choir.
and now i cant.
and he can just keep suaning me about choir.
ARGH.

i want a high overall grade.
but its gone now.
hello to low grades.
bye to high grades.
what happened to that may from dhs?

this sucks.
i thought i did alright.
see now i dint.
and even when i play,
i'll just be thinking,
play so hard for what, you didnt do well.

sigh.
i feel so inferior,
esp when it comes to maths.
i really wanted to do well for maths.
i needed the pass.
guess im failing it.
ah.

hello r papers (:
zzz.

i wanted to do well for bio.
i thought i could.
and guess what?
hello mr thermophillic bacteria.
and there, my results,
gone down the drain.

ah.
i know you must be thinking,
nevermind la,
next time work harder lor.

but then,
i think nobody knows how much these results mean to me.
and how much i need to get good grades.
so dont bother trying to console me.
yall are just gonna say the wrong things anyway.

i feel stupid.
no wait.
i am stupid.

and i feel ugly.
stupid exams made all my pimples pop out.
my skin was never good,
but not THIS bad.
sigh.
im ugly.
fugly.
ah.

i kinda lost my passion for choir.
i lost my choral voice too.
im super airy now.
im disgusted when i hear myself sing.
yuck.
and yeah i havent been down to the stone tables this whole week.
mainly because i dint want to see somebody's face.
that disgusting piece of shit.
yeah.
so i havent seen the choir people for a long time.
rayrin asked me if i missed them,
i said no.
ha it was true.
harsh but true.
oh well.

i dont have that drive to sing anymore.
i dont have the drive to do anything anymore.

think i grew up over the exam period.
im like
tired of everything.
sigh.

my friendships.
they're all going down the drain.
esp this one,
which i treasured so much.
ah nvm.
i expected it.
since when have my friendships lasted very long?
ok maybe for the sistas and those dhs people yes.
but that's all.
ah nevermind. im spouting nonsense.

i think im a bad friend.
and i cant be bothered to be nice
and listen to my friend's rantings anymore.
i dont care anymore.
if my friend wants to be sad, emo or whatever.
i'll just let him/her be.
i dont really care.
i mean, its not like whatever i say will have any effect anyway.
it'll just make me feel inferior.

blah.

there's still chem and la paper 3.
im quite confident for la paper 3.
cos they're only stimulus questions.
ahha.
its when i get confident that i do badly.
guess im gonna screw it up again.

and chem.
mr shi said its gonna be easy.
den he added that the first question was quite hard.
which means it'll be tough.
see.
screwed again.

oh and our dearest mrs khet said that maths paper was easy.
'cannot fail one.'
those were her words.
and see.
im gonna fail.
i know i am.

and that physics teacher who invigilated us.
'dont worry la the paper's not that hard.'
yeah right.

see teachers cant be trusted.
eurgh.

**

i think i can say,
i dont want you anymore.