i was happy yesterday. yesyes. sorted out a few things. its funny how just a sentence from someone can just brighten up your day and dissolve all your worries and insecurities :D yes. so it was a fun day. i was quite bored before the concert though. i guess. rather sianned. but after the concert i kinda made myself high, and it stayed:D had a nice time talking to the triplets and to the other random people who bothered to talk to me(: haha. yep. i went home being rather happy. hahaha. i like to be happy. sherry likes me to be happy too. and when im happy, i make other people happy too(: haha. so i shall try to be happy more often:D and stop throwing all those tantrums=/ lol.

rayrin sent me a msg, and it said something like, its gonna be quite some time before the next time we meet, so till we meet, ciao (:
when i saw i was like 0.0 why not meeting?! )))):

much as i dont want to admit this, i'll miss the triplets! they're really nice people. haha always tolerating my tantrums and everything. sorry for everything bad that i've done, LOVE YOU PEOPLE (:


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ok so i know i should be doing my work and studying and what not now. but give me just around, half an hour to rant?

start time:1220

so, i realise that everything i blog about is just choir, choir and more choir. was blog hopping while eating lunch just now. and i felt a pang of envy. i really do envy those people who can blog about the happy days they had in class and everything. i envy those people who have a lot of friends at the ip level. i envy those people who spend lots of time with their class. i envy those people who have friends in every class.

sometimes i wonder why i just cant connect to all those ip people. guess i was just shutting myself out? although the january days are just long and distant memories now, i still do have vauge memories of what had happened then. all those happy times i spent with the TCSgang, talking to people from different classes, making new friends. i was happy then. i looked forward to going to school.

its a different story now. i feel indifference to my class. it's a slight improvement from the april-may period, when i hated stepping into the class. now, the class is just a place for me to study in. most of the time, i would rather not stay in class. of course, i dont run down to the choir room so often now and i go for breaks with my class people, its all improving. the tension in class is lessening, but i guess it will always be there? yes.

of course im not saying that im not happy in choir now. i got past that 'nobody cares about me' stage already. and most of the time, i AM happy in choir. however, i really hate school time. i love holidays and that is because i get to go out with my choir mates when its holidats. yes. sometimes school seems really meaningless to me. i cant ever seem to stay awake, and i hardly absorb anything. so what's the point of going to school? sigh.

im not trying to be sad or anything. its just that, sometimes these feelings keep surfacing, and no matter how hard i try to suppress them, it doesnt work.

i always want what i can never get. it would be perfect if i was happy in choir, and i was happy in class too. at the beginning of the year, i hated choir and loved the class. now, i love choir, and although i dont hate my class, i dont love it either. sigh. life is just full of ups and downs isnt it?

i vaguely remember that i had told myself last year, to love my class and not to ever let it become another 2B. im sorry to say this, but i've never ever loved 2B. i liked the people, but i had never loved the class. there's nothing i can do about my present class now, hopefully i'll grow to love it all over again. as for my jc class in future, 08s??, i really want to love it. because i dont want to spend my whole school life, from 13 onwards, hating class and loving choir.

i really want to love both sides of my life. just that, you can never have your cake and eat it, right?

okay this is the end of my ranting post.

end time: 1234


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back to being HAPPY. (:

I LOVE CHOIR.