oh ho i was daydreaming just now, before i took my daily afternoon naps.
haha it left me smiling like a stupid retard. but when i woke up and i remembered what i daydreamed about, i realised they'll never come true.

which is why they are called DREAMS. sigh.

dont feel like studying leh.
stupid la year1s end le. make me so jealous.
and the year2s also play play now. nevermind im looking forward to the end of their A's! den can go playplay muahaha!
youre just not the one.

screw maths.
screw you too.

treating you as just a friend feels much easier.

im going crazy from the stress.
feel like giving up sometimes but i know i cant.
i really have no idea how im going to do well for the exams.
and it'll be reflected on the transcrpit! ah.

i dont remember being this stressed last year.
i dont even know if im absorbing everything i studied.

):
i think i'll get over you soon. it always happens anyway, the desire will go away with time. just give me some time. i'll get over you. and you'll regret it. we'll see.

i smell of babies xD

zomg i love my nephews (:

here's the elder one.

he kissed me on the lips,

TWO TIMES.

muahaha.

even though i bribed him into doing it. LOL!

400th post.

you,
you know how to get me so low
my heart had a crash when we spoke
i cant fix what you broke.

today was a relatively good day (:

went out in the morning to JURONG EAST. haha. far right. the other end of the world man.

yes after that went to paya lebar to meet my dear xy and rr. (: studied for a while den we went to cut hair. haha. it was quite nice. a simple day but i really enjoyed it. thank yous (:

anyway, saw a few pictures in xianyong's phone. i never saw those before haha.



notice xy and i in the background?
haha. xy looks damn cute.
and whr's rayrin haha!

and this was taken in the triplet's apartment. i
i never knew this existed haha.








conclusion, i miss malacca, and the triplets' apartment haha. (:

i wanna be a harvard duck.

they all look so tranquil and peaceful on the surface,
but they're paddling hard underneath.

that was probably just it-
a beautiful dream.







ily.

that lost rainbow.
when will another one appear?

you shouldnt have.
picked up that damn reciever.
now im left hanging.

hah, and to think i thought i had you figured out.

the worst thing to doubt is your own character.

hope you had a great birthday (:

i was looking at my dp, and suddenly this surge of warmth flooded my heart (i'm serious).

and i realised, i am really lucky to still have rayrin and xianyong. i really really must treasure them haha. one year already guys, still got one more year to go! (: we must treasure okay! thank you both for showing you still care (: study session on sun okay! (: i really think im a very lucky girl xD

and it's 20mins to xy's birthday, happy birthday in advance fish brain! (:

someone go learn and learn the guy part of 你最珍贵!
then can sing with me (:

who's on?

cute right? xD

a picture paints a thousand words. what i want.

"we sat down and wondered what would change.

now we understood.

shadows and regrets"



- taken from xy's blog.






just wanted to say, that there shouldnt be shadows and regrets because everything happens for a reason. maybe the thing you are regretting about is not the triplets and kazua thing, but if you are, be optimistic, cos no matter what at least we had all that before right? and at least 3 of us are still on pretty good terms- way way better compared to the start of this year.








we will survive! rayrin said we should meet up after promos right? haha let's go bugis okay? (:

kazua still loves her ex-boyfriend (:

i remember everything that has happened in the past.
i really do.

there is something wrong with blogger, it doesnt let me post photos.
):

contagious-

when you're around i dont know what to do
i do not think that i can wait
to go over and talk to you
i do not know what i should say

and i walk out in silence
that's when i start to realise
what you bring to my life
damn, this guy can make me cry

i hat it that i always procrastinate.
normally, at the start of the day, i would decide and list down what i want to complete by the end of the day. and i can NEVER complete it. i always get so frustrated with myself. i cant seem to have self discipline.

i realised that im lazy and playful. sigh.

and promos are coming REAL soon. i havent even started revising yet. this sucks man. i know im gonna regret this in 3 weeks time but im still doing it. AH. sigh.

i really need to study hard.

its been proven that instead of making the heart fonder,
absence make the heart further.
sigh.

after having been through so long(and so much),
i still gotta say,
i love rayrin. (:
in spite of all the ups and downs, thank you for everything.
even though we're not as close now, you'll be my laylinsao forever.
3yrs and still counting xD

ah i hate it when i go back and i dont see you around.
it feels empty somehow. ):

that tongue tied feeling and that feeling where your mind goes blank and you dont know what to say?

yeah i get that. when im with you.

oh i was sims-ing today.
and i had this beautiful baby girl called kiera (:
haha i dunno why but i was really happy to see the baby.

i shall make my sims take care of her properly and make sure she gets a good life. haha.
parental instincts man. (:


oh and when you're stressed, or having a mental block when doing homework,
trust me, a few games of o2jam does the trick ;)

i dont wanna fall to pieces
i just wanna sit and stare you,
i dont wanna talk about it.

muaha. guess what, i switched rooms!

im tired and aching all over now, but im really happy, cos i switched rooms! no more sharing room with my sister already (: im getting my new bed tmr, den can sleep in my very own room already! yay. muaha.

ohh i bought new court shoes today. nice white court shoes from charles and keith. double yay.

and i managed to install that sims2 which i hadnt been able to install in the past. triple yay!

hahaha today is generally a good day.
cos it left me no time to fret over you. daoing time tmr x.x
okay i gotta do my eu already, sians! haha.

i hate it that you can affect me so much.
rah.

it's exactly one year since the end of SCO 2006.
i know i shouldnt be saying this,
but i miss the triplets.
as a whole, i really really miss them.

on this day last year, it was the start of a beautiful friendship.
it was really great being friends with them, they were the best guy friends i ever had.
yesyes no matter how suan they were, i always knew they loved me. then.

oh well good things always come to an end.
i read through all my past blog posts and i realised how ungrateful i was to them.

ah nvm, as the saying goes,
不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。

sorry okay triplets?
no matter what the three of you are always on my mind.
i'll never forget you all. (:

argh, i dont know what to do.
someone tell me please?

they are just so retarded (:
listen closely to what althea says and see if what she says is true.
heh.

having to think of you as just a friend.

why are you always like that?
blowing hot and cold all the time.

AH.

i,
i want,
i want you.

it was NDP celebrations today,
the celebration style was quite unique, and some of us got high towards the end, so i think it was quite good (:

but, the highlight of the day is
YEAR TWOS' DINNER.

well it was quite cool (: we basically just stoned around watching tv and watching youtube and laughing our heads off at everything. camwhored a bit also, but not much. haha. hm everyone's like quite old already, M18 alr! haha seems like just yesterday when we all came in as year1s together. haha. well yeah i think i had a nice time la, that warm fuzzy feeling was there, although we dint exactly do any serious bonding. haha. but still, we're bonded already la. hahaha.

yeah love the year twos (:

must treasure!

today is one of those days when i feel happy.
when i feel that maybe you do care.

i know it wont be long till i doubt everything again,
but for now, let me just get lost in my own happiness.

(:

i'm really really excited for tomorrow,
meeting up with the year 2s (:

it's been ages since we've had a really really proper outing, and we're going to jerrold's house tomorrow to cook and have dinner, just like how we always went to dawn's house to cook and bake and stuff.

im really happy that im gonna see them soon. i've missed them loads. (:

im just too excited for words la. (:


oh btw,
HAPPY BELATED 18TH BIRTHDAY MR PRETTY LIPS YIZHA,
and
HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE MR HUGGING TREE OLIVER!

im enjoying this,
but i know its nothing.
prove me wrong?

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

Your in-depth results are:

Gryffindor - 12
Ravenclaw - 12
Hufflepuff - 10
Slytherin - 10


MUAHAHAHA.

WTH. i lost my mp3.
my beloved pictures and songs gone.
no more music in the mornings and going home.

SIGH.

i wish i knew what you were thinking.

怎么办,
感觉甜又酸。
偷偷爱你，快乐又孤单。

had helmsman week today.
it was slack. haha. salsa was quite fun, i mainly partnered guowei (: muahaha. EYE CONTACT! xD

okay so im looking forward to broadway tomorrow. alicea says its fun. and i've got guowei and puen and debby and grace they all to partner me again. YAY!

muahaha slack week ahead.
on the downside, its meant for us to mug for review week =/

and i wasted my afternoon today with guowei and alicea in subway today. haha feel so bright today xD

okay okay back to ss!

oooh i just realised that absence was spelled wrongly.
HAHA.

my engrish is so powderful (:

little bits of magic that are lost, but are found later on again.
i've learnt not to get my hopes up high.
any bit more will just be a bonus.

but it sucks though,
how many more do you actually want?

see that's called retribution.

at least i can say i deserved it.

playing others or getting played?

you'll never know.

abscence makes the heart grow fonder. (:
i'll miss you.

i got a teeny weeny bit emo the last few days,
went out of class and stared at the sky,
hoping for a rainbow to appear.
but i guess rainbows are only an illusion.

and it only appears once in a blue moon.

i know you,
i know you from once upon a dream.


i really do.

so,
i shall not be like everyone else and post stuff that requires contextual knowledge on my blog. haha.

yeah, im going to pattaya in 4 days time? haha and seriously, i dont really feel anything much. i really hope i enjoy myself there. and i hope vjchoir does well, although the chances seem slim. but oh well.

so here i am wasting my time away. i've got tons of stuff to do.

- finish ss assignment
- finish chinese wsh
- attempt questions for chem
- revise trigonometry
- revise ss
- finish maths task

and guess what i havent done ANYTHING.
actually spent quite some time playing the chocolatier just now x.x
im such the procrastinator ):

ARGH stress.

im gonna miss my classmates a lot and a lot and a lot and a lot when im in pattaya ):
Especially you. ):

a dream is a wish your heart makes.
when youre fast asleep.
in dreams you will lose your heartaches.
whatever you wish for, you keep.
have faith in your dreams and someday,
your rainbow will come smiling through.
no matter how your heart is grieving,
if you keep on believing,
the dream that you wish will come true.

haha. i think i was rather foolish. thinking about all the things ive done in th past, i think it was all quite pointless, and stupid. maybe even childish. lol, but its cool, cos its all in the past now (:

i've finally opened my eyes now yeah, i finally see everything for what it is. some people, ive realised, are plain childish and self absorbed. and all those deep words and ideology that they've expressed in the past, its just plain childish and ridiculous now that i think about it. it all boils down to a stupid idea, an idealistic idea, that is totally naive. and yeah they kinda think that they are so noble, when actually they are just self-centred.they only care about themselves. reading those stuffs make me amused, cos i realise how immature they can be. haha. nvm its okay, at least ive seen. all those past stuffs, those that made me so emo, are all meaningless now. i walked past starbucks today, and i dint even feel anything. and i saw that stationery shop, felt nothing too. haha. interesting eh. i dont really care anymore, cos i kinda look down on that person now. that person deserves nothing from me, cos that person's just not worth it.

fine, now that the ranting is over.

ah, im really tired. haha. was dozing off during physics today. not because its boring or anything, but just because i was tired. haha. need to sleep early today man! lol.

okay the term ahead will be a busy one. now that the year2s are all having mid years, i should mug too (: remember last year hols i mugged a lot cos i mugged with that. hmm.. should do that this year. two years of work tested for eoys this year. WILL DIE!

lol jiayou may!

ah, this will probably be my last post for a while. lol, cos im returning the laptop to thong tomorrow. thanks ah mr thong (:

yay no more distraction! mugger may (:

世界上最远的距离（泰戈尔）

世界上最遥远的距离，
不是生与死
而是我就站在你的面前，
你却不知道我爱你

世界上最遥远的距离，
不是我站在你面前，你却不知道我爱你
而是明明知道彼此相爱，
却不能在一起

世界上最遥远的距离，
不是明明知道彼此相爱，却不能在一起
而是明明无法抵挡这股想念，
却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里

世界上最遥远的距离，
不是明明无法抵挡这股想念，却还得故意装作丝毫没有把你放在心里
而是用自己冷漠的心，
对爱你的人掘了一条无法跨越的沟渠

reposting this. cos i still think its really beautiful.

sorry . ):

you know i like to eat.
really really.

haha and i always crave for food in the middle of night, ie, NOW.

i feel like having

starbucks java chip frappucino
mango strudel
klang original bak kut teh
cha yeh dan (tea leaf egg)
taco pachi
yakitori
cheesestick from beard papa
donuts
mushroom soup
mussels

YUM!

AHHH. i really wanna eat. but then again, when i have to eat a proper meal, i dont have an appetite. uh, see i only eat junk food. no wonder my thighs are so PHAT. ):

look at that least of food there, doesnt it make you salivate?

acting the sleuth

okay so i went to get my passport today. biometric passport is cool. haha okay i know this is a bit slow but its like, there's this hard card in it. way cool. oh i had to retake a photo. i waited close to one hour of it okay, was damn irritated. i dont believe i look any different from last year. rah. but nevermind its over.

yeah so i went for lunch with my sister. we were both starving haha. ate that pasta thingy at detoast in bugis. it was quite nice haha, or maybe we were just hungry. yeap. basically jut spent time with my sister la lol. bought a pair of denim shorts too.

hmm lavender and bugis brought back memories. thank goodness i didnt go to pasta mania for dinner or it would be triple kill! haha. yeah got emo at some points, but it was okay la. kinda tried to forget everything. yeah i realise that when im out with my sister we spend money quite easily (: shared a java chip, yeah and bought apple strudel! yum yum (:

haha okay so i wasted my whole evening. cos i wanted to 'play the sleuth' and find somebody's blog. but what the hell! i found the url in the end, just that that blog was deleted. so irritated yeah. it was really a waste of my time =/ RAH. so i wasted one evening when i could be doing my chinese project. feel like shooting myself. argh!

uh yeah so i was dumb. =/

okay shall do that dumb chinese project now. ciao!

hello people, change of blogskin!

haha havent changed by blog skin since 2005, so i guess its really away with the old! (:

haha dont bother about all the emo stuff yeah, i chose this blogskin cos i thought it looked nice. the words have no link at all to me yeah. haha i just like the layout.

hmm i might change the blogskin back to my old one if i feel to nolstagic :'(
haha but probably not la. (:

umm yeah, i changed the font for my tagboard too. might not be very clear now cos the punctuation are all subscripts =/ oh well im too lazy to change it back.

ahh its 2.35am now. what a serious waste of my time. lol. okay then off to sleep.
night people (:

oh and can someone please help me?

rojak or hai nan ji fan?

LOL!

see the thing is, you can only be able to let go of something properly when the memories dont affect you anymore. and its hard, although im working hard on that.

maybe i should stop thinking about it. could work.. afterall, what was said in the past, doesnt hold true anymore. maybe i was just blind huh, those words dont mean anything anymore. they were just that, honeyed words.

wish i could just say im fine and go on.

nvm, i believe i can do it.

CANT WAIT TO SEE 06v11 AGAIN (:


LEEEELEEEEEE! xD

im going to lavendar to collect my new passport tomorrow. that biometric thingy. quite interesting ah. hope there wont be la long queue. =/ going to lavendar brings back memories ):

oh and i went dhoby ghaut today. haha felt so sad to be there. but nevermind, alicea cheered me up with her gelare treat, yay. and i ate pepper lunch too. haha plaza sing holds bad memories, shall try to go there less.

sometimes i think, what right do you have to be so happy whenever you see them together? cos afterall, you shared nothing special with them. i have that right more than you do.

and then i remember, yeah maybe youre just like me. sentimental and happy to see them coexisting happily, just like the old times.

see that's the problem with me. i cant share.

Guys Like That You're Sensitive

And not in that "cry at a drop of a hat" sort of way You just get most guys - even if you're not trying to Guys find it is easy to confide in you and tell you their secrets No wonder you tend to get close quickly in relationships!

What Do Guys Like About You?

very true, but generally not long lasting.

Never Date an Aries

Impatient, restless, and selfish - it's a lot of work to make an Aries happy. And if you drop the ball, your Aries will be gone faster than you can say "I'm sorry"! Instead try dating: Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, or Pisces

What Sign Shouldn't You Date?

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that. People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts. You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you. People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What Color Purple Are You?

interesting..

Your True Love Is a Gemini

Why you'll love a Gemini: Witty and sharp, a Gemini can keep up with your fast (and ever changing) mind. You're both fun loving and free spirits. You and a Gemini can enjoy each other without expectations. Why a Gemini will love you: Not only can you keep up with a Gemini's sharp tongue, you can introduce a challenge or two... You're appetite for fun and novelty will keep a Gemini interested - at least for a bit longer than usual!

What Sign Is Your True Love?

hahaha!

Your Mind is PG-13 Rated

Your mind is definitely a little dirty. You're naughty, but not trashy. You don't shy away from a dirty joke, and you're clearly not a prude.

Do You Have a Dirty Mind?

haha see im so innocent (:

You Are Somewhat Mature

You definitely act like an adult sometimes, but a big part of you is still a kid at heart. While your immature side is definitely fun, you're going to have to grow up sooner or later.

Are You Immature?

muaha SEE!

You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince)

You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments. You know how to steal the spotlight... And how to act out to get your way. People around you know that you're good for a laugh. But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone. Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

nah dont agree.

You Should Date An Italian!

You love for old fashioned romance, with an old fashioned guy An Italian guy is the perfect candidate to be your prince charming If your head doesn't spin enough, just down another espresso with him Invest in a motorcycle helmet - and some carb blocker for all that pasta!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

woo hoo! ((:

You Follow Your Heart

You're romantic, sentimental, and emotional. You tend to fall in (and out of) love very quickly. Some may call you fickle, but you can't help where your emotions take you. You've definitely broken a few hearts, but you're not a heartbreaker by nature. Your intentions are always good, even if they change with the wind

Do You Follow Your Head or Your Heart?

i am not!

You Are A Romantic Realist

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance. Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know. And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball... But you'd never admit it to your friends!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

You Will Be a Cool Parent

You seem to naturally know a lot about parenting, and you know what kids need. You can tell when it's time to let kids off the hook, and when it's time to lay down the law. While your parenting is modern and hip, it's not over the top. You know that there's nothing cool about a parent who acts like a teenager... or a drill sergeant!

Would You Be a Cool Parent?

You Probably Look Younger Than Your Age

You live a healthy lifestyle and know how to take care of yourself. You'll probably have a youthful glow for many years.

Do You Look Your Age?

oops.

You Are 12% Evil

You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm. Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want!

How Evil Are You?

You Are Straight

There's not much queer about you. So let's just say you're straight... but not narrow.

What's Your Sexual Orientation?

You Would Choose Money

You know that love doesn't always last forever - but money can. Why bother with jealousy, petty fights, and hurt feelings? You rather just go shopping! And while marrying for money may be lonely, you'll always be well dressed, well traveled, and well fed.

Would You Choose Love or Money?

yep that's me!

You Are Medium Maintenance

You aren't as hard to deal with as some girls But you aren't the most laid back chick either You're easy to deal with 90% of the time, but watch out for that 10%! If the guy you are with has good intentions, then calm down a little But if he's really screwing up, don't waste your breath - move on :-)

Are You A High Maintenance Woman?

You Are 32% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit. Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

SEE! ((:

haha okay i was just wasting my time. procrastinating in other words. i should be doing research for chinese =/

okay ciao for now.

okay, so ive been tagged twice =/ so no choice la, gotta do.

According to the rules of the theme:People who are tagged should write a blog post of 7 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 7 people to be tagged and list their names. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'You are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog."

(I) erm, i dunno, i am freakishly purple? like no matter where i am, there is always some part of me that is purple. lol.

(II) i get sick of purple some times too. lol, bet that came as a shock. but i still love purple 90% of the time.

(III) erm i've read at close to 20 books this whole june hols.

(IV) i like to drink f&n zappel (:

(V) i like to paint black nails, which totally doesnt suit my image.

(VI) i hope to revert back to my old sec2 'nerdy girl' image when school reopens.

(VII) im the shortest girl in my class, although im not very short in the first place. =/

i shant tag people cos im NICE (:

okay, did you all know, that when pee is first passed out, it doesnt stink? it is only after some time that the pee starts to stink, cos it gets exposed to the air. the longer the pee is exposed to the air, the smellier it gets. and once it gets smellier, flies get attracted to it. and then they'll keep hovering around it cos they get attracted to the smell. so, the pee and the flies than become one big entity, an irritating one too.

hahaha okay wad nonsense. this is all taken out of context so nobody will understand it. lol, have fun deciphering (:

the word 'broke' reminds me of the days when i was nice enough to donate money to save my friend.

lol $1 per day. how ridiculous right.

in retrospect, what i did was probably not appreciated, maybe even taken for granted.

no matter how i try,
i cant seem to find that magic again.

okay the rainbow was just a figment of my imagination.

was listening to the recordings from SOV 2006. haha felt so nolstalgic all of a sudden. i love the songs from SOV 2006, all very nice (: esp hear my prayer and sit down and binnama! omg i love binnama, really miss singing it ): was trying to remember the actions from sit down and binnama somemore. haha, really miss those times with choreo. it was really fun (: haha and rock around the clock, really miss that dancing too! it was fun, haha dancing with martin (: the prospect of not being able to sing those songs anymore saddens me. like next year, the only ppl who will be able to sing those songs with me will be martin and isabelle. ): sigh, it’s a lonely thought. i can still remember those times when Marcus made us sing around the LT, and different groups of people were picked to stand in the middle to listen. haha surround sound, that was quite cool. (:

yeah, and just really miss the whole of my choir life in 2006. it felt so carefree and fun, with the year 2s being year 1s last year. all the outings and stuff, swimming, going to dawn’s hse etc etc. sigh, now they are all so busy mugging. ):

yeah and was looking at my Malacca pics. really miss those times too. its like now most of the year twos wont be going to pattaya. )): who am i gonna take pictures with? haha, i just have this feeling that i’ll be a loner there, with no one to stick with. sigh. yeah Malacca was really fun and peaceful. its like we were going there for a holiday with friends. haha. and i remember we kept buying cakes from secret recipe. haha.

Some pictures,

my monkey and jerrold's haohao lol!

the dunmanians (:

the girls who went malacca.

yizha and i (: the pearls look nice with blazer yeah. hahaha.

the cat high guys.

i was certain i saw a rainbow.

or maybe it was just an illusion.

i dont know why
but im feeling tons better now anyway.
thanks.

my future husband! (:

his face will grow bigger than mine in 15yrs time xD

i dint do it for you.
i did it for myself.

rainbows dont appear often.
and when they do, they look so beautiful and amazing.
and nice and big and pretty (:

it makes you smile just by looking at it.

but rainbows fade fast.
one moment it's there, and the next moment it's not.
right lee lee?
my rainbow's fading, fast.
):

i sat in front of the computer the whole day today.

and when i stood up and stretched,
i heard "crack, crack, crack, crack".


cool huh.

sometimes i just dont get it.
okay not just it, basically everythng in life.

i really gotta tell myself not to fall into her shoes.
cos i know what his reactions will be like.
i saw it for myself and it struck me pretty hard.
cos i really felt sorry for her.
poor her.
poor me.


i guess it'll be a long time before i can truly open up to anyone new.
guess my small little fragile heart can only take that much hurt and pain.

anyway, i dont want to be sad. and i think im not. cos i dont really wake up with that heavy feeling on my heart anymore. there are even days when i look at my phone and grin like an idiot. seriously, its just like the old days. only its with someone different. but im very wary of approaching something new. because im scared of the hurt that accompanies it. it'll be a long time before i can really trust someone with all my heart again.

i gave away a portion of my heart, and although that portion will never come back, it can heal afterall. and im waiting, and waiting for it to heal. and its healing, slowly but surely, it is (:

haha i dunno why im ranting about all these. just that i think im not the sort of person who lists down everything that she did in the day. im more of the sort who will talk about her feelings. although ive been told many times too not to wear my heart on my sleeve. ah well.

this is the last time im gonna write anything concerning it anymore.
no more.
no more sad posts.

haha and that will mean that i'll blog less. whoops.

okay bye people!

sometimes i get this feeling that im over reacting.
and that things dont affect the other party anymore.
maybe i was just too self absorbed to think that i was important enough, to be able to affect them still.

they have, afterall, moved on.

sigh.

dumb stupid me.

Create your own Friend Test here

do this (:

everybody's not where they are supposed to be.
i guess that's the end of us.

**

having to give something up sucks,
but i guess it's only inevitable.

**

anyway, i must say im decidedly letting go.
haha i took how long?
bout 6 months before i could get down to trying to let it go.
but oh well, at least im trying now.

**

i know its weird to hear me say this, but i kinda miss 06v11! haha. i like this feeling, that anticipation of seeing my classmates again. yeah and i kinda realised that this is the last hols that 06v11 has together. this will be the last hols when i can look forward to seeing the class when sch reopens. cos from next hols onwards, we'll all be seperated.

):

i really wanna treasure 06v11 now. cos i really really have grown to love this class. the people here are so great, and no matter what people say, i still do believe that most of us have this bond with each other. (:

yes and i love that sense of cohesiveness in class, the general atmosphere in class is quite alright. save for a few intruders at time that spoils the ambience, the class generally has this air of friendliness. (:

yes and its further decorated alr (: i love the way our classroom is so personalised. xD

i cant wait for class chalet at the end of this hols, even though it hasnt even been booked! hahah. well hope the new class com will book the chalet earlier this year, so we wont burn a whole in our pockets (: yeah cant wait cant wait!

**

oh and i miss the yeartwos! haha only met up once during this hols, but i guess its quite enough for me to keep me happy. i've lowered my expectations quite a lot, i guess just seeing them once in a while is enough. its cool though haha, that almost everyone turned up for an impromptu dinner. (:

i love all of you!

**

im learning to not let things bother me.
i should be happy anyway,
for you,
all of you (:

im glad that you all are having fun,
even though im not in the picture,
i guess that's fine too.
what matters is that yall are happy!

smile xD

**

im happy enough with my life now anyway,
just be optimistic!
cos i believe that when there's a down, there'll be an up.

the up's my class now anyway. ((:
oh oh and the sistas too xD

cheers everybody!

they say pictures paint a thousand words.

but oh well.

i'll miss the yeartwos. those people that ive been with since last year.
i cried on tuesday morning, when i saw wan ting. because i realised that i wont be able to see her anymore after today when i turn my head during choir.
i guess we all dont learn to treasure until we're about to lose something.

i'll really really miss the yeartwos. the pain's so unbearable.
and guess what? i'll have to go through this two more times.
great.

i love vjchoir.
no man is an island.

pictures!
isnt this picture so twittish? hahaha.

my dearest love! (:

and rayrin looks so nice here right. as in his dressing hahaha. (:

was reading through random choir people's blog (not from vjchoir).
and well, i saw this comment, that went something like, 'its expected that they got gold with honours, so why did they scream like that?' only that it wasnt phrased so nicely and was written in a twittish sort of way.

well, that comment made me really irritated.

see that's the problem about being in vjchoir, all our hardwork never gets recognised.
everyone just thinks that it's expected that we do well in competitions. that we can win without even putting in much work and effort. well, that's wrong. we put in as much work as all the other choirs, possibly even more because of all the stress that we were facing.

and i saw this comment, 'vjchoir's aiming for full marks.. -.-" '
my first reaction was, since when?! about one week before syf, nelson said that he was actually struggling to keep us at a gold standard. since when did we talk about full marks?

we work so hard, slogged our butts off, just for a gold with honours. and in return we had to see other people comment and say, 'oh its expected that they get gold with honours.' and i must really say, we acheived this result through our hardwork. without all the hard work that we put in, im sure that no amount of natural talent would give us our gold with honours.

and it sucks even more that such tremendous pressure is put on us, just because vjchoir is expected to do well for all our competitions. ohwell.

i cant really take all these competition stress, lol. in fact, im already getting worried about syf two years down the road. sigh.

of course, there were good comments from people too. and i wanna thank all of these people for thinking well of us (:

oh on a happier note, we had choir yesterday and nelson told us about the judges comments.
apparently, ko matsushita was very very happy with our hana. well, i must say it was really very nice(: it was the first time i actually felt something for the song.

oh and our lowest mark was 91! xD and it was taken away because it was the lowest mark. haha, so our actual mark (which was the average mark from 5 of the judges)was actually well into the 90s ((:

i felt really really happy. i guess the gold with honours is starting to sink in. haha.

and SOV's coming soon! really excited for it although we really do need to put in a lot more work. JIAYOU VJ CHOIR (:

no man is an island.

GOLD WITH HONOURS :D
after all these hardwork, i think we deserve it (:

vjchoir,
no man is an island.

oh, i havent taken my medicine today.

okay this is a belated post.
but i really feel i ought to post this, and that's about my birthday! (:

firstly, i really wanna thank the many people who bothered to wish me a happy birthday. thanks for remembering! xD

yeah so there was intensive choir prac that day, big surprise. i expected it, but i was still unhappy about it. ive had a public holiday on my birthday all my life, so having practice on that day is sort of a big change i guess.

hmm, so let me try to recall my day. seeing as it was my birthday, my daddy brought me to eat a bit of breakfast before going for choir. yeah and when i went for choir, heard many people saying 'happy birthday may' randomly and stuff. it made me feel rather embarressed but happy at the same time. haha.

so, there was choir. well i already had a sore throat so i did not feel good at all about singing. yeah but i guess we sounded fine.

hmm yeah got a bit emo during lunch. so i went to the choir room to catch a bit of sleep. and when i opened the door, i recieved a huge surprise, shihui and marie were actually dancing there. and darren and jiejun were watching on the sofa. lol. how shocking.

yeah and after that we had practise with mr kwei. hmm it went fine i think. yeah so had year 1 prac for dale como es after choir. i hate dale como es seriously, and i dont see how we can manage to memorize that song in one week, when we havent even combined that song before. sigh.

yeah after that went with the year2s plus xy to marina square. went to cafe cartel and i had a nice time chatting with the lot of them (: went to chill with shu, wan ting, yut, oliver and huping at the esplanade thingy. haha took a whole bunch of stupid photos.

after that we went to the merlion thingy, yeah and we sat there eating ice cream. so we made a pact, 20:10 on 20.10.2010 at the ferris wheel. i wonder who would keep to this pact. i hope i will. yeah. anyway, as i was sitting there with the lot of them, it made me realise that this could be one of the last times that i would be able to come out with them like this and have so much fun, just the yeartwos.. well i was looking at the year1 06 picture that i had on my friendster and it struck me that the year1s of last year are actually year2s now and that they're leaving soon. it felt like they've been year2s forever. i cant really remember our year1 days anymore. sigh. well, im really glad that our last fun outing together was actually on my birthday (:

well anyway, we went to the fullerton and it brought back lots of memories. our seamoe days haha (: well camwhored there again. lol. i love the yeartwos, we never fail to have fun (:

yes so after that we went home. well i must really thank all these people who made my birthday special. i love all of you (:

anyway,
i wanna thank,
althea, alicea, yiling, jourdan, ian, guowei and elroy for the pretty purple/pink wallet.
shuwei, wan ting, dawn, yuting, shixuan, oliver, huping, yizha, kenny, xian yong, jerrold, for the whole set of clothes; the purple shirt, jeans, nail polish, nail stickers and earrings.
poline for the nice belt.
jialing for the lovely earrings, the birthday bear and the notes.
my sisters for the earrings.
my cousin for lovely set of perlini's jewellery.
and weirui for the postcard and stuff.

(:

oh and jiayou choir, syf in two days time!
we can do it, im sure we can (:

*

btw, if youre reading this, do you remember our bet?
so what are we gonna do about it?
if you see this, please get back to me or something?
dont let it be another empty promise.

let's just close off everything properly alright.

hello people, long time no see!
my sister was nice enough to lend me her computer hahaha.

ive got nothing much to say actually, just that i wanna get songs!
haha.

how boring right.
uh uh.

i miss my best friend.
hello if youre looking now, come for choir soon alright!
xD

life's been fine, pretty mundane, but spiced up by.. xD
hahaha.

i hope vjchoir does well for SYF. the pressure is like, woah, sky high.
uh.

i've really got pretty much nothing to say.
so ciao!

you know,
when someone who makes you irritated is so cute,
you feel like you can never get angry with him for long.
cos you just enjoy yourself so much when youre talking to him.
lee lee. <3
(:

**

im supposed to be researching about my achy breaky heart now.
but im not.
its so horribly difficult.
to think that i thought it would be easy to do.

**

memories memories memories.
the things that hurt me the most.

its just really weird that sometimes when im feeling absolutely happy, a sudden flash of the past makes me all emo and sad. and yet i know i shouldnt be like that, because it is unfair to the rest. afterall, when im being emo, the people whom im thinking about dont actually care. its the others who care, and i should really appreciate that. and well, i do. so i shall try to bottle up all those feelings. afterall, we dont need to wear our hearts on our sleeves.

**

achy breaky heart!
rah.

**

was going through friendster, saw something that made my heart wrench.
tragedies go on everyday.
not just for me but for everyone else too.
so what makes me think im so special? that i can be sad and moody about the bad stuff happening to me?
other people are getting it worse.
i should be thankful.
oh well.

**

im a confused little girl.
my feelings change everyday.
and also every few hours.
or maybe every few minutes.

**

life is short.
so live it to the fullest.

**

dont let me see you,
and i wont think about you.

dont let me think about you,
and i wont be emo.

dont let me be emo,
and i will be happy.

dont let me be happy,
for you will be unhappy.

**

major changes,
which i have to accept.

ive just got to know how to adjust to life without them.

all along, ive been unwilling to change.
to accept the fact that im alone, without them.

but kazuas are resilient.
they were able to exist on this planet longer than the dinosaurs did.

be strong, be adaptive.
that's the key to survival.
the key to my survival.

**

im so wasting time here. i dont even know what im saying. rah. achy breaky hearts suck.

**

bye.

(:
smile.

there are so many things that are worth my holding on.
and so many things that are not.

sometimes, in a moment of rashness, i get carried away and try my best to hold on to what i once possessed. something that was so sweet and made me feel so lucky. well, i guess the feeling's gone and that it can never happen again, but the memories will stay there.

sometimes, i get really crazy and think that everything can be saved, and maybe a miracle will happen to make everything fine again. that what used to be mine would come back to me. well, then, i slap myself awake and tell me that no matter what i do, it wont work.

im forced to tell myself that it was all my fault and that i made everything worse. haha, but thinking about it, its not totally my fault. and perhaps one sided things arent very good. what's the point of trying so hard to hold on when the other person doesnt even care?

sometimes, i remember how it used to be like. the happiness, the funny times, the jokes, and i ask myself, what actually happened? all the bad things that had happened pass me by in a blur. i dont think about it, in fact, i dont even remember it. what i remember, are the happy and sweet moments that all of us shared together. simple things such as cycling, studying. the sweet things that made me happy and all that. its these memories that stay in my heart.

and perhaps that's a good thing? perhaps its good that i dont really hold on to grudges. most of the time, i remember the good things that happened, which makes it doubly hard for me to let go. im not saying im not happy now. i am very in fact. its just that underneath all the happiness, there's this part of me that tells me that if those problems were solved, my life would be perfect.

then i realise, when i was with them, i wasnt satisfied. i was always looking for something else. something else to satisfy me. i was happy, close to being totally satisfied with my life, but it wasnt perfect. i guess i'll never be satisfied. and that i tend to paint beautiful dreams. most of the time, i picture a person that i like very much as being close to perfection. but when i actually see that person, and understand that person, he or she is not who i imagined him or her to be. and it makes me disappointed. but then again, even though i am disappointed, and hurt, i still do love that person very much.

perhaps its time for me to stop loving. it is difficult, but time will heal everything. perhaps time will wash away the awkwardness and the wounds. well, for me, it has already been washed away. i dont think about them anymore. i just remember how nice that person used to be. and most of the time, i have to force myself to remember that that's not the case anymore. i guess i've always been too idealistic.

well its true when they say you only learn to treasure something when you've lost it.
sadly, most of the time, you never get it back. sometimes i wish i was given a second chance. but i know it will never happen.

well, its rather saddening. but i guess i'll just have to learn to get on with my life. to move on and to let go. that's just life. people come and go, friends dont stay forever. and i should learn not to hold on too much.

yes and i guess im learning. most of the time, i have this internal struggle. and that is whether i should persist, to continue trying. well, nowadays, the side that tells me to stop trying wins. i guess that's good, cos it means im learning to move on. but really, its not easy.

sometimes i wished there's this section in our brain that allows us to shut off the hurt and the pain. to stop thinking about the past, to control our feelings.
but that's just wishful thinking.

the bottom line is, i think too highly of people sometimes. and im stubborn. so i hang on to things like a bulldog and never let go. but then, sometimes, some situations force me to let go. and i have to try hard.

well, its really really painful.
but i believe,
that at the end of the day,
i'll win.
afterall, im already halfway there.
(:

HI ALL.

been quite some time since i last blogged.
well, many things have happened.
not physically, but mentally (: and it made me a stronger and better person.

well the first two days of CNY were spent quite badly.
i felt moody and emo and well,
it was just plain boring.
rah.
but the third day was GREAT.
house visiting was a blast.
went to althea's, alicea's, guowei's and novabelle's houses.
yep it was really fun.
and i really had a fun time with the IP people.
we rock man! (:
all the crap fortune telling games we played, all the intellectual discussions.
it makes me feel really fortunate that i am actually in the IP. (:
yeap and when i was on the bus with xianyong, my angel and ex boyfriend,
i sort of thought things over properly.
and i managed to let go.
to forget about everything that's happened.

no more emoing and hanging on to the past for me.
the bubbly and cheerful may is back. (:
of course, the memories will stay with me forever, it's just that i feel its time for me to treasure the others around me. yep to love them and to thank them for everything they have done for me. yep and i did just that.
sent about 12 people a message that told them i loved them.
i expected messages of 'i love you too!' to come back. and guess what? in the end, about 80% of them thought i was going to commit suicide. it was hilarious really. hahaha. see it just tells us all how uncommon it is for people to express their love for each other. thus, we should all do it more often (:
yep and my shell station even called me the next day to check that i was still alive. hahaha had a nice random talk with him after that. too bad my father had to force me to get off the phone. x.x
sorry shell station!

okay so the next few days were passed really great. love the yeartwos and love my classmates (:
im enjoying myself in choir more too nowadays. lol i've learnt to let go and im really really proud of myself.

yep went out on fri to celebrate fei's birthday with the sistas. i love the sistas! too bad wen couldnt come again, cos she had choir prac. awww. next time okay? (: yep and laughed a whole lot with them again. lol. they seriously brighten my life up (: ohh and we sorta sang a song together. the chimney song. it sounded nice wahahaha. (:

uhhuh, so everything's fine and happy for me now.

no more emoing from may!
yay (:

treasure and cherish?
you dont know how to do that yourself.

hahaha, i've learnt so much through this episode.
guess its sort of yin huo de fu.
ive moved on and im really happy cos all this made me learn more about myself and to improve my character.

i read through all your actions yesterday.
it made me amused.

(:

oh btw,

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO FEI.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST FRIEND (weijie).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE TO ALTHEA.

i dont like this feeling.
i dread seeing you.

cherish.
cherish my friends.
im at althea's hse now btw.
haha. should have fun with them,
our last cny together leh.

(:

maybe i made the wrong move.
hahaha.
said the wrong things.
did the wrong stuff.
but oh well,
how much worse can it get?
ive given up already.
no more friendship,
nothing else.
just hope the pain goes away soon.
at least all my past actions are explained.

i hope you can be trusted.

**

muaha, suddenly realise that evanescence songs very nice.
all the sad and emo rock songs.
muaha.

atomic kittens also quite nice.
all my old cds lol.
sometimes its good to remember the old (:

**

now i will tell you what ive done for you,
fifty thousand tears ive cried.
lying decieving and bleeding for you,
but you still wont hear me.

im going under.

dont want your hand this time i'll save mysef
maybe i'll wake up for once
not tormented daily defeated by you
just when i thought i'd reach the bottom.

**

you dont remember me but i remember you
i lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
but who can decide what they dream
and dream i do

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i need to be with you
to live to breathe youre taking over me

**

nice right! muaha.
evanescence going under and taking over me.

**

if you see me walking down the street
staring at the sky
dragging my two feet
you just pass me by
it still makes me cry
but you can make me whole again

if you see me with another man
laughing and im joking
doing what i can
i wont put you down
cos i want you around
you can make me whole again

looking back on when we first met
i cannot escape and i cannot forget
baby youre the one
you still turn me on
you can make me whole again

**

and of course, AK whole again.
(:

**

i realise whatever you say has a double meaning.
stop shooting me.

rah i should go out and join the others at mahjong.
make myself happy for once.
niam niam niam.

sorry think this post is a bit incoherant.
treat it as a wasted post.
im spouting nonsense (:


i wish.

i wanna cherish the year twos.
seriously.
i shouldnt be wasting my time thinking of people who are not worth it.

just dont let me see.
dont let me look.
dont let me notice.

and i'll be happy.

let me remain ignorant,
ignorance is bliss,
i wanna feel blissful.

all the hurt that pours in after revelation.
its so painful,
my heart breaks into a million pieces.

i want the yeartwos.

during choir bbq,
there was this time when the 8 of us sat together at a table.
wanting, shuwei, yuting, dawn, yizha, huping, oliver and i.
just like the old times.
i miss the times we spent together.
a lot a lot.
yeah and i really cherished that few precious minutes when the 8 of us sat together during choir bbq.
love you guys.
thank you all so much for everything.
im glad im on good terms with all of you.
let things stay this way (:

i know some people are not worth it.
but i cant control my heart.

im happy when youre not around.
when you are, that pain i feel just by looking at you,
its indescribable.

why are we strangers?

put on your specs.
cos i dont recognise you anymore.

**

haha meant to blog about the outing with vivian, angmian, shunjie, manching and winki.
but it's been some time since ive been near a comp so..
lol.
yeah i really had a lot of fun with them.
missed them so much man.
guys, must come out often okay?
remember our two months promise! ((:

**

i make believe,
that you are here.

**

valentine's day was fine.
got a bit emo at first but ohwell, there are still lots and lots of people who love me.
thank you all for your little gifts and such.
every little gift and note brightened my day.
thank you all (:

**

im going under,
drowning in you.

**

hmm choir bbq was fun. i guess.
lol talked a bit to some people.
oh and i got dunked.
its easy to dunk me la, i so light.
lol! but i remember xy saying, 'omg why she so heavy one.'
wahahahaha!
may is FAT! (:

**

you can make me
whole again.

**

was listening to emo songs the whole day today.
lol dug out all my old cds.
rather interesting ah.

am at my cousin's hse now,
not bad la.
had a nice steamboat.
gupped loads of abalone.
my favourite wahaha.

**

looking forward to tues.
chinese new year house visting! (:

**

do you?
you know im such a fool for you.
do you have to let it linger?

gotta pick myself up,
where do i start,
cause i cant turn to you,
when it all falls apart.

okay i just deleted an emo post.

hai.
heart pain.

anyway, i announce that im not a pon-ner.
okay mr naij?
lol eh be honoured, you're actually mentioned on my blog!

lol okay.
im being whimsical.

stress level of ss too high.
shit man.

that surprise ive been thinking about for two weeks,
it'll probably not be appreciated.
but i know i'll regret not doing it.

everything seems meaningless now

hello people.

yesterday was quite a good day.
i had choir yesterday.
and i thought the practice was not bad.

lol, we did skye boat song and il coro delle malmaritate. im starting to like skye boat. it's quite nice (: uhhuh and after that we went to siglap to meet mr kwei. surprisingly, i think we sang quite well. lol, mr kwei seemed to be rather happy. yeah we sang our 4 jap songs, o magnum, skye boat and our il coros. lol. we only screwed up il coro women. lol so its not to bad. uhhuh and we learnt a new song, o my love is like a red, red rose. its such a beautiful song alright! (: the lyrics are on shu wei's blog. heh.

so choir ended at like 3. yeah and the musico and exco had a meeting with mr kwei. yeap so all of us waited outside for them. i had a really great time bugging my PAPAYA to sing either ciao bella ciao or o my love is like a red, red rose for me. lol, its so fun teasing my PAPAYA (: haha. btw, my papaya's reuben. if yall dont already know. lol!

yeap after that i just sad with the clique at the benches and we were just crapping about everything. i thought it was rather fun (: yep.

after that i left with danny and yuting for town first. yep, had a nice talk with them. lol we were talkin about proposing and all those stuff. really interesting (: yep.

after that i went to suntec and met rhoda. yep walked around with her and chatted and bitched and gossip about lots of stuff. lol, zhuofei and sherry were late again, as always, lol. yeah and after we ment zhuofei and sherry we went to meet yuxuan. hahaha. so, the five of us walked around to find a farewell present for diane. yeah we found a gorgeous jewellery box for her. its really cute (: hope she likes it. :D

yeap and after that, we walked to this toy shop. and there those really cool capsule thingys. lol. there this capsule that was a miniature version of a capsule machine. yeah and i thought that was really cute. (: cost 2 dollars only, quite cheap leh. lol.

uhhuh after that we went to the nuss clubhouse for diane's farewell party. it was really great. yeah and the food was rather good too (: i had an absolutely great time with the sistas there. yeah, all the laughing and joking and bitching and gossiping and catching up. really love the sistas (: it was really great to be able to catch up with them again. yeah and everything's fine now, no more awkwardness of anything. i believe our friendship will be able to last. (: i really treasured the time spent with them yesterday. now i know what's the meaning of cherish. (:

I LOVE THE SISTAS.

yeah so anyway, that put me into the mood for meeting up with all my old friends. yeah cos no matter how caught up we are in our own lives at the moment, we all should still take the time to meet up with our old friends, because that sense of connection you feel with them is something that doesnt exist with your other groups of friends. yeap, its good to catch up once in a while (:

yeah, some things happened that dint quite make my day perfect.
but those were minor things.
whatever it is, im really glad i got to see my dear beloved sistas.
(:

shall meet up with feevian and angmian them soon.
take care all my dearies.

of course, i wont forget my present friends,
alicea althea and gang from 06v11,
and the clique in choir (:

what a long and unemo post. heh.

**

who's that girl.

都可以随便的
你说的我都愿意去
小火车摆动的旋律

都可以是真的
你说的我都会相信
因为我完全信任你

细腻的喜欢
毛毯般的厚重感
晒过太阳熟悉的安全感

分享的汤我们俩吃汤吃一个碗
左心房暖暖的好保暖

**

孤单是一个人的狂欢，
狂欢是一群人的孤单。

爱情原来的开始是陪伴，
但我也渐渐的遗忘，
当初是怎样有人陪伴。

我一个人吃饭旅行到处走走停停，
也一个人看书写信自己对话谈心，
只是心又飘到了那里，
就连自己看也看不清，
我想我不仅仅是失去你。

**

did i hear you right?
cause i thought you said,
let's think it over.

you have been my life,
and i never planned,
going on without you.

bruised and battered by your words,
dazed and shattered now it hurts.

**

i miss malacca.
conte partiro.

hi people.

life's been rather good nowadays.
but i havent really been sleepin well.
dark eye circles are coming out.

yeah i really shouldnt have such high expectations.
esp for other people.
cos i guess many people cant live up to my expectations.
and i cant live up to my own expectations too.
sometimes i really wonder,
what's wrong with me?

this isnt supposed to be an emo post.
well, im quite excited about making valentine's day presents hahaha.
okay actually i only know what to do for a few people.
hahaha the rest..
i shall have to continue thinking.

anyway,
i borrowed the illustrated version of bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything. really excited about reading it.heh i read it before, but i decided to read it again. its a really good book, so everybody, go borrow or buy it (:

went for consort's concert the other night.
it was fine la, though the first half was boring. guess we all didnt know how to appreciate the music. the second half was okay. haha and i like the part where they dressed up as children. really cute! and it kinda made me miss SOV. i cant wait for SOV! i realised singing is really much better than listening. hahaha. as in, when youre on stage, it feels so cool (: but when youre down there, it just feels like another ordinary concert. i cant wait for SOV! (:

its time to mug away. all my troubles.

i just wanna say,
i still care.
for you, triplets.

gosh.
i shouldnt keep being so emo.

time to get on with my life.

ive been enjoying myself in class.
angel and mortal is fun! (:
my class angel is nice hahaha.
he's rather humorous and is rather effective in replying.
i can look forward to receiving his letters like, once a day? which is much more than what others get. lol.
and my class mortal, he's even more effective!
i received THREE letters from him ytd alright. (:

lol im having a fun time writing letters to my class and choir angels and mortals.
(:
the choir angel has stopped responding so much,
yeah and my choir mortal hasnt been very responsive from the start lol.
but nevermind, i still love them.

hmm and i think i like my class quite a lot (:
the class spirit is quite good.
and even though there are cliques, everyone can talk to each other :D
yep.
i like i like.
hope this continues.

just a bit of ranting,
i came across someone's blog, and i decided i shant be as childish as him to shoot people in their blogs. cause it just creates a never ending vicious cycle. and that, in itself, is childish.
what i want to say is that, im not a hypocrite.
dont judge people when you dont even know what is actually happening.

uhhuh.
i thought i could move on.
but its proving to be more difficult than i thought.

i went to the airport ytd. and guess what?
when i saw that foodcourt, all those memories came flooding back.
yeah and i walked into mini toon later to see my piggy keychain that they bought me last time.
and it made me even sadder.
but oh well, i shant try to think of it.

i just feel that im not enjoying myself much in choir recently.
i miss the year twos.
although i see them often, i dont feel that sort of connection that i had with them in the past already.
yeah and i can feel some people drifting apart from me.
sigh.
shant think about it la.

it's true, cherish what you have now instead of thinking about what you'll lose.
but its hard to do that when it seems like you hardly have anything left.
i have my class left though.
that's a good thing.

sometimes i look at the two of you and i wonder,
why is it that you two can move on so easily?
perhaps im just hanging on to memories that i shouldnt be hanging on to.

rah.
homework's piling up.
i should go home and mug my ass off today. lol.

feeling sorta lonely nowadays, not in class, but in choir.
but oh well.
life's ironic.

everything's over.

i havent been crying right?
so why is it that my eyes feel so sore?

perhaps it's good that im learning to give up.

i realise it's good to make others happy.
although ironically i dont feel very happy myself.

hi.

let me tell you all a story.

once upon a time, there were three people. A, B, and C.
A and B were originally very very good friends.
and A and C were originally normal friends who could get along well with each other.
however, one day,
B and C started getting closer.
and A was jealous because B started neglecting her.
thus, A started to dislike C and to start to avoid her.
C, sensing that something was wrong, went to A and tried to ask her what happened.
obviously, A did not know how to put it and thus did not want to talk to C about it.
worried, C decided to go to B to ask about why A was being so cold.
B, knowing the exact reasons why, decided to scold A about her behaviour as B thought it was wrong and unfair to C.
A, having already been irritated, thus got angrier at C as A was angry about B scolding A for C.
thus, the problem worsened.

in the end,
after a lot of complications.
B and C got very close to each other.
and B decided to leave A.
B found that A was very unlikable and thus decided to tell A the exact reasons.
A, having found out that B actually disliked A, felt hurt and thus was very upset about losing the friendship.
however, A decided to let the matter rest and to not bother about it anymore because there was nothing A could do to change B's mind.
however, A still cared very much for B and thus still continued to msg B to ask about B's stuff etc. B was however, unresponsive and in other words, heartless.
meanwhile, B and C got very close.

recently, C stopped talking to B, and A, being concerned for B, decided to tell B that no matter what happened, A would still be there for B.
instead, B said that although B knew that A cared, he cared about C.
A thus realised that something was wrong and decided to ask B what A did wrong again.
B then accused A of telling everyone about the A, B and C problem and of asking A's friends to ostracize and talk bad about B and C.
A was thus very indignant and irritated as A had did nothing of that sort.
thus, A went about to convince B that A was not that sort of person, but B remained unmoved.

next, here comes person D.
A realised that D was drifting away from A.
and thus decided to msg D to ask about what A had done wrong.
D replied to say that D was just treating A the same way as what A had been treating C.
A got a big shock as she did not know that D knew about this matter.
in other words, D was angry with A because of C.
A was thus very sad that another friendship was lost.

after mulling about the problem for some time.
A realised that she was wrong to have wronged C about A's loss of friendships.
it was not C's fault that C had made friends with B and D.
instead, it was B's fault for having neglected A and A should not have channelled all the hurt and anger onto C.
thus, A realised that A did not actually disliked C and wanted to resolve the problem between C.
thus, A decided to tell C that A was sorry about her actions.
C however, has been hurt very much by A.
and thus did not want to accept A's apology.
therefore, A decided to not push C, but to instead, tell C that she really has realised her wrongdoings. A thus hopes that C would forgive her.

meanwhile, A does not wish to bother B and D anymore, and wishes that the problem will wash away with time.


the above story is from a biased perspective.
and please do not judge anyone after reading this post.
the above story is just an informative narrative to talk about the problem.

people who are not involved in this,
one word of advice,
stay out of this.

**

anyway,
i want to thank everyone for the care and concern they have showed me.
it is really very appreciated (:

perhaps its wrong of me to have posted this here for everyone to see.
but i guess since everyone is hearing stuff abotu this.
why not i present a more accurate viewpoint of this issue.

ciao.

ciao, bella ciao.