rewind.

It's 11.14pm now and I just got home from my outing with the The Usual People who are now officially Year Threes.

How time flies. I was staring at some of them across the table from me and I could still picture them in their Secondary School uniforms. Now, they're all talking about their working lives, driving lessons, and their preparation for army. The things that I am worrying about seem so different(and childish) from what they worry about.

Somehow, after having gone through two years together with them, I'm going back on rewind and the rest of them are still continuing on play. After being a Year Two, I'm going back to being a Year One again, and going through everything that the Year Threes have gone through before two years ago. It feels like I'm trapped in time, while the rest of them are continuing and moving on with the rest of their adult lives. I feel like I know so much about JC life, but there is also still so much more that I don't know.

Deep inside, I know my place is with the Year Ones, but somehow, there is still a part of me that will never forget the Year Threes and all the experiences I've shared with them. I know I'll never find people like them ever again anywhere else, and I feel really really blessed to have been given the chance to get to know them and to spend two years together with them.

Sometimes I wonder, is it really farewell?

And now, the prospect of going to school is rather daunting. It's not so bad tomorrow because there'll be choir. But seriously, I sort of dread going to school. Schoolwork seems to be tough and I am really worried that I will not be able to keep up with the pace of lessons. I also hate having to move from class to class, cause all the classrooms give me a cold and unfriendly feeling.

Besides all that, there is still the process of making friends with and getting to know my classmates. I don't like having to make small talk with people, but it is an inevitable period that is required in the friend-making process. Sometimes, I'll rewind again in my mind and think back to two years ago when I first entered IP, and I'll be wondering if I felt as bad as I do now. I know that in the end, everything will turn out fine, but this period is really one in which you don't know what's going to happen and if the class will be fine.

A new year, a new life, new friends, a new start. I am someone who doesn't like change, who will always try my best to hold on to whatever I can. There are some people whom I would dearly like to hold on to, but who seem to be increasingly slipping out of my grasp the harder I try. Who doesn't want to have friends who will last a lifetime? However, it takes effort to maintain a friendship, and sometimes it's just unfair to expect the other party to put in the same amount of effort as you do.

Or maybe, we should all just let things go, and let it right itself. However, I do not have much faith in doing that, for I believe in our school motto, Nil Sine Labore; Nothing Without Labour. If we do not work hard and put in the effort, how can we expect things to stay the same? Afterall, the only thing that is constant is change.

Ah! It's late and I definitely will have a hard time waking up tomorrow. Sigh, and I haven't mugged my scores and finished my math tutorial. It's only the first day of school. :(