my birthday

disappointment hits, time and time again.

ive realised im not an important person at all. whether im here or not, it doesnt make a difference. may wake up, the world revolves without you. youre nothing to this world and to the people around you, get it? NOTHING. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. so just totally wake up and stop dreaming.

anyways, life these days has been quite slack. not so much homework. yes and im trying harder to listen during lessons. actually, now, i think the only lessons i dont listen are SS and Chinese. but hey its not my fault. i have absolutely ZERO interest in chinese. and as for SS, well its boring. but anyways sometimes i think what mr yang says is quite interesting. and actually i do catch snippets of what he says. that's already an improvement yah. :D hopefully by the end of this term i'll be able to concentrate fully :DD

recently, i've been having moodswings. i dont know why. hmm maybe its cos i realised that im not as close to the people in choir as i thought i was. hmm yah i dont know. its just quite depressing, somehow. and those people whom i look forward to seeing.. i dont know, upon seeing them, i realised i've got nothing to say to them. sigh. nvm nobody will understand this. so yep. i dont know la. and i realised, im not really anybody in choir. my opinion doesnt matter, im just a freaking NOBODY. its like, it doesnt matter whether im there or not. sure people say hi and stuff to me and all, but they're all superficial talk. sigh i dont know. maybe im the one who expects too much. ah.

today's choir was both sianning and fun. the choreo for sit down is freaking nice! : D i love it. and i love my position, heh. yuting on one side, yizha on the other. heh and wanting in front! think i have jeremy yeo and marcus behind me too:D heh all the nice people. SOMEMORE, im right SMACK in the middle. heh ok maybe its not me who's in the middle, wanting maybe. but hey at least im in the middle area. heh. :DD it was really fun, the sit down choreo. we were being lame and spastic and trying to think of super spastic ways to do the YEAH part. haha.

during choir break, johnnie suddenly carried me, for dunno wadever reason. lol i was rather shocked. =/ lol. and then, yuting and johnnie decided to carry me by making me sit on their arms. and they almost wanted to dunk me into the fountain. like wth. lol. but actually it WAS rather fun :D

yep after that was choir room opening. haha just basically some people cutting the ribbon and stuff. anyway, the choir room's really different now. dont know how to put it, but the amount of space is really very little now. lol, but in a way its more cosy now. :D thanks crc! that was really thoughtful and nice of yall :DD

open house today was.. alright. basically i slacked rather a lot. and dint really usher a lot of people, cos half the time i was with the choir, singing and all that. yep anyway our hear my prayer today was FANTASTIC. ah it was probably the only song that we sang with emotion and all that. yay i could feel all my hair standing up la. :DD mass dance today was terrible. like it was all messed up and stuff. aiya dont know la.

anyway, today at my grandma hse, they celebrated four people's birthday. yep so it was one birthday cake for four of us. due to a moodswing that happened during the end of choir, i was in a bad mood throughout the whole visit to my grandma's hse. yep and i dint smile like a single time? and when they were taking photos, i dint even smile la. sigh i feel rather bad. aiya nvm. sometimes i think im so unreasonable. they dint do anything to deserve this type of attitude problem from me. sigh. ok nvm shall try to put myself in a good mood, but then again, i'll be making myself feel terrible, cos im faking. ah. how complicated.

im tired of masking my feelings. im tired of trying to hide and act all happy and nice in class. ah. i hate my life.