outdated

hmm. sometimes. i feel so out of place. so outdated in class.

was surfing around reading people's blogs when it struck me that all this was due to my own actions. mayb im just concentrating to much on choir ppl. and neglecting my other frens. and at the rate im neglecting them, you cant expect them to stick around waiting for me forever. they just moved on and found new replacements/substitudes, whatever you call them.

i really cannot blame them. but sometimes. i feel a pang of jealousy. is it really me? or is it them. mayb im just the one who's not making the effect to keep up with my friends, to just show them that i care. i dont know, but really. i do regret somethings ive done. im feeling the effects of what i have done wrong now. i dont what this. i feel very terrible. but there is nothing i can do now. things will never be the same. im just that hot-headed gurl who's so rash and will just do ANYTHING. and after ive done it, i'll start reflecting and regretting.

mayb its just my character. im just that type of person. should i change? i dont know. changing is hard. its not something that can be done in a day or two. but seriously, i dont see the point in salvaging the situation now. im leaving. i might as well just make do with what i have.

im really concentrating too much on choir ppl. i tink about them all the time, even in class. my whole world is about them. when i go out, i go out with them. in the morning, i will go out and look for the sistas and just spend the time with them until morning assembly. im hardly ever in class. seriously, i think all this is taking a toll on my social life. i feel that i dont have close frenships in class anymore. at most a few. and even so, im not THAT close to them.

even though i hate my class, i realized that i can get through my class. with just some acting skills and optimism, i really can get through my class. they arent all that bad. as for the people i dislike, i can just treat them as invisible people. im thankful for my frens in 2B. people lke leanne, vivian, angmian, yunjing, shunjie, weiliang, manching. they actually bought tickets for the choir concert. esp the guys, im really surprised they bought. haii. sometimes things are surprising.

but really, mayb of my frenships which have gone sour are all caused by myself. why couldnt i have just controlled myself and not be so rash to rant and rave? if i had the self control, i probably would still have my frenships with me now. this is really such a sad thing. i really regret all those things dat i have did to drive certain friends away from me. and even if we are still frens, the frenship is not as strong as before, and i feel awkward arnd them. i really want to change this, but can i?