the word 'broke' reminds me of the days when i was nice enough to donate money to save my friend.

lol $1 per day. how ridiculous right.

in retrospect, what i did was probably not appreciated, maybe even taken for granted.

no matter how i try,
i cant seem to find that magic again.

okay the rainbow was just a figment of my imagination.

was listening to the recordings from SOV 2006. haha felt so nolstalgic all of a sudden. i love the songs from SOV 2006, all very nice (: esp hear my prayer and sit down and binnama! omg i love binnama, really miss singing it ): was trying to remember the actions from sit down and binnama somemore. haha, really miss those times with choreo. it was really fun (: haha and rock around the clock, really miss that dancing too! it was fun, haha dancing with martin (: the prospect of not being able to sing those songs anymore saddens me. like next year, the only ppl who will be able to sing those songs with me will be martin and isabelle. ): sigh, it’s a lonely thought. i can still remember those times when Marcus made us sing around the LT, and different groups of people were picked to stand in the middle to listen. haha surround sound, that was quite cool. (:

yeah, and just really miss the whole of my choir life in 2006. it felt so carefree and fun, with the year 2s being year 1s last year. all the outings and stuff, swimming, going to dawn’s hse etc etc. sigh, now they are all so busy mugging. ):

yeah and was looking at my Malacca pics. really miss those times too. its like now most of the year twos wont be going to pattaya. )): who am i gonna take pictures with? haha, i just have this feeling that i’ll be a loner there, with no one to stick with. sigh. yeah Malacca was really fun and peaceful. its like we were going there for a holiday with friends. haha. and i remember we kept buying cakes from secret recipe. haha.

Some pictures,

my monkey and jerrold's haohao lol!

the dunmanians (:

the girls who went malacca.

yizha and i (: the pearls look nice with blazer yeah. hahaha.

the cat high guys.

i was certain i saw a rainbow.

or maybe it was just an illusion.

i dont know why
but im feeling tons better now anyway.
thanks.

my future husband! (:

his face will grow bigger than mine in 15yrs time xD

i dint do it for you.
i did it for myself.

rainbows dont appear often.
and when they do, they look so beautiful and amazing.
and nice and big and pretty (:

it makes you smile just by looking at it.

but rainbows fade fast.
one moment it's there, and the next moment it's not.
right lee lee?
my rainbow's fading, fast.
):

i sat in front of the computer the whole day today.

and when i stood up and stretched,
i heard "crack, crack, crack, crack".


cool huh.

sometimes i just dont get it.
okay not just it, basically everythng in life.

i really gotta tell myself not to fall into her shoes.
cos i know what his reactions will be like.
i saw it for myself and it struck me pretty hard.
cos i really felt sorry for her.
poor her.
poor me.


i guess it'll be a long time before i can truly open up to anyone new.
guess my small little fragile heart can only take that much hurt and pain.

anyway, i dont want to be sad. and i think im not. cos i dont really wake up with that heavy feeling on my heart anymore. there are even days when i look at my phone and grin like an idiot. seriously, its just like the old days. only its with someone different. but im very wary of approaching something new. because im scared of the hurt that accompanies it. it'll be a long time before i can really trust someone with all my heart again.

i gave away a portion of my heart, and although that portion will never come back, it can heal afterall. and im waiting, and waiting for it to heal. and its healing, slowly but surely, it is (:

haha i dunno why im ranting about all these. just that i think im not the sort of person who lists down everything that she did in the day. im more of the sort who will talk about her feelings. although ive been told many times too not to wear my heart on my sleeve. ah well.

this is the last time im gonna write anything concerning it anymore.
no more.
no more sad posts.

haha and that will mean that i'll blog less. whoops.

okay bye people!

sometimes i get this feeling that im over reacting.
and that things dont affect the other party anymore.
maybe i was just too self absorbed to think that i was important enough, to be able to affect them still.

they have, afterall, moved on.

sigh.

dumb stupid me.

Create your own Friend Test here

do this (:

everybody's not where they are supposed to be.
i guess that's the end of us.

**

having to give something up sucks,
but i guess it's only inevitable.

**

anyway, i must say im decidedly letting go.
haha i took how long?
bout 6 months before i could get down to trying to let it go.
but oh well, at least im trying now.

**

i know its weird to hear me say this, but i kinda miss 06v11! haha. i like this feeling, that anticipation of seeing my classmates again. yeah and i kinda realised that this is the last hols that 06v11 has together. this will be the last hols when i can look forward to seeing the class when sch reopens. cos from next hols onwards, we'll all be seperated.

):

i really wanna treasure 06v11 now. cos i really really have grown to love this class. the people here are so great, and no matter what people say, i still do believe that most of us have this bond with each other. (:

yes and i love that sense of cohesiveness in class, the general atmosphere in class is quite alright. save for a few intruders at time that spoils the ambience, the class generally has this air of friendliness. (:

yes and its further decorated alr (: i love the way our classroom is so personalised. xD

i cant wait for class chalet at the end of this hols, even though it hasnt even been booked! hahah. well hope the new class com will book the chalet earlier this year, so we wont burn a whole in our pockets (: yeah cant wait cant wait!

**

oh and i miss the yeartwos! haha only met up once during this hols, but i guess its quite enough for me to keep me happy. i've lowered my expectations quite a lot, i guess just seeing them once in a while is enough. its cool though haha, that almost everyone turned up for an impromptu dinner. (:

i love all of you!

**

im learning to not let things bother me.
i should be happy anyway,
for you,
all of you (:

im glad that you all are having fun,
even though im not in the picture,
i guess that's fine too.
what matters is that yall are happy!

smile xD

**

im happy enough with my life now anyway,
just be optimistic!
cos i believe that when there's a down, there'll be an up.

the up's my class now anyway. ((:
oh oh and the sistas too xD

cheers everybody!

they say pictures paint a thousand words.

but oh well.

i'll miss the yeartwos. those people that ive been with since last year.
i cried on tuesday morning, when i saw wan ting. because i realised that i wont be able to see her anymore after today when i turn my head during choir.
i guess we all dont learn to treasure until we're about to lose something.

i'll really really miss the yeartwos. the pain's so unbearable.
and guess what? i'll have to go through this two more times.
great.

i love vjchoir.
no man is an island.

pictures!
isnt this picture so twittish? hahaha.

my dearest love! (:

and rayrin looks so nice here right. as in his dressing hahaha. (:

was reading through random choir people's blog (not from vjchoir).
and well, i saw this comment, that went something like, 'its expected that they got gold with honours, so why did they scream like that?' only that it wasnt phrased so nicely and was written in a twittish sort of way.

well, that comment made me really irritated.

see that's the problem about being in vjchoir, all our hardwork never gets recognised.
everyone just thinks that it's expected that we do well in competitions. that we can win without even putting in much work and effort. well, that's wrong. we put in as much work as all the other choirs, possibly even more because of all the stress that we were facing.

and i saw this comment, 'vjchoir's aiming for full marks.. -.-" '
my first reaction was, since when?! about one week before syf, nelson said that he was actually struggling to keep us at a gold standard. since when did we talk about full marks?

we work so hard, slogged our butts off, just for a gold with honours. and in return we had to see other people comment and say, 'oh its expected that they get gold with honours.' and i must really say, we acheived this result through our hardwork. without all the hard work that we put in, im sure that no amount of natural talent would give us our gold with honours.

and it sucks even more that such tremendous pressure is put on us, just because vjchoir is expected to do well for all our competitions. ohwell.

i cant really take all these competition stress, lol. in fact, im already getting worried about syf two years down the road. sigh.

of course, there were good comments from people too. and i wanna thank all of these people for thinking well of us (:

oh on a happier note, we had choir yesterday and nelson told us about the judges comments.
apparently, ko matsushita was very very happy with our hana. well, i must say it was really very nice(: it was the first time i actually felt something for the song.

oh and our lowest mark was 91! xD and it was taken away because it was the lowest mark. haha, so our actual mark (which was the average mark from 5 of the judges)was actually well into the 90s ((:

i felt really really happy. i guess the gold with honours is starting to sink in. haha.

and SOV's coming soon! really excited for it although we really do need to put in a lot more work. JIAYOU VJ CHOIR (:

no man is an island.

GOLD WITH HONOURS :D
after all these hardwork, i think we deserve it (:

vjchoir,
no man is an island.

oh, i havent taken my medicine today.

okay this is a belated post.
but i really feel i ought to post this, and that's about my birthday! (:

firstly, i really wanna thank the many people who bothered to wish me a happy birthday. thanks for remembering! xD

yeah so there was intensive choir prac that day, big surprise. i expected it, but i was still unhappy about it. ive had a public holiday on my birthday all my life, so having practice on that day is sort of a big change i guess.

hmm, so let me try to recall my day. seeing as it was my birthday, my daddy brought me to eat a bit of breakfast before going for choir. yeah and when i went for choir, heard many people saying 'happy birthday may' randomly and stuff. it made me feel rather embarressed but happy at the same time. haha.

so, there was choir. well i already had a sore throat so i did not feel good at all about singing. yeah but i guess we sounded fine.

hmm yeah got a bit emo during lunch. so i went to the choir room to catch a bit of sleep. and when i opened the door, i recieved a huge surprise, shihui and marie were actually dancing there. and darren and jiejun were watching on the sofa. lol. how shocking.

yeah and after that we had practise with mr kwei. hmm it went fine i think. yeah so had year 1 prac for dale como es after choir. i hate dale como es seriously, and i dont see how we can manage to memorize that song in one week, when we havent even combined that song before. sigh.

yeah after that went with the year2s plus xy to marina square. went to cafe cartel and i had a nice time chatting with the lot of them (: went to chill with shu, wan ting, yut, oliver and huping at the esplanade thingy. haha took a whole bunch of stupid photos.

after that we went to the merlion thingy, yeah and we sat there eating ice cream. so we made a pact, 20:10 on 20.10.2010 at the ferris wheel. i wonder who would keep to this pact. i hope i will. yeah. anyway, as i was sitting there with the lot of them, it made me realise that this could be one of the last times that i would be able to come out with them like this and have so much fun, just the yeartwos.. well i was looking at the year1 06 picture that i had on my friendster and it struck me that the year1s of last year are actually year2s now and that they're leaving soon. it felt like they've been year2s forever. i cant really remember our year1 days anymore. sigh. well, im really glad that our last fun outing together was actually on my birthday (:

well anyway, we went to the fullerton and it brought back lots of memories. our seamoe days haha (: well camwhored there again. lol. i love the yeartwos, we never fail to have fun (:

yes so after that we went home. well i must really thank all these people who made my birthday special. i love all of you (:

anyway,
i wanna thank,
althea, alicea, yiling, jourdan, ian, guowei and elroy for the pretty purple/pink wallet.
shuwei, wan ting, dawn, yuting, shixuan, oliver, huping, yizha, kenny, xian yong, jerrold, for the whole set of clothes; the purple shirt, jeans, nail polish, nail stickers and earrings.
poline for the nice belt.
jialing for the lovely earrings, the birthday bear and the notes.
my sisters for the earrings.
my cousin for lovely set of perlini's jewellery.
and weirui for the postcard and stuff.

(:

oh and jiayou choir, syf in two days time!
we can do it, im sure we can (:

*

btw, if youre reading this, do you remember our bet?
so what are we gonna do about it?
if you see this, please get back to me or something?
dont let it be another empty promise.

let's just close off everything properly alright.